To not understand how people fund their lives and feel a bit jealous?

[Travelenthusiast]

Just that really. Mid-30s and we have what I have always seen as a healthy income of £180k per annum (obviously been lower when we were younger and increased over time), and had some family help - about £50k to buy our first house several years ago.

And i’m not complaining about our quality of life- I know we are lucky and can afford a good holiday every year, and a more expensive/ luxury holiday occasionally. DS does a few extra-curricular activities, we don’t have to worry about the food shop total (we aren't extravagant at all) and can afford to eat out a few times a month etc. And I know we are lucky as I grew up in a poor family and understand the stress and implications.

But we have a very modest 3-bed house (with a big mortgage), our car is ten years old and there’s no way we could replace it, we can rarely afford to replace clothes and shoes for us (of course do for DS), days out are thought through to reduce cost, would make pack lunches to take into work and don’t buy shop coffees, we could not afford private school, and often we cut out the eating out to add to savings instead- basically £ is not abundant. And we are relatively careful financially and not big spenders generally. None of this is me saying our life is bad- I know we are really luckily, but just trying to give an idea of limitations / life.

We do live in SE commuter belt (not london) where everything is very expensive.

But we are surrounded by families who have so much more, so apparently effortlessly. We are genuinely one of the only local families without a 4x4 (i know cry me a river 🤣). How do others have it all and have the big house, the new car, endless holidays, SAHM often, the new clothes, meals out, lots of savings? Is it simply that they earn much more? I know we are lucky but I just don’t understand how so many can be so wealthy? Could most of our network really have a household income over £200k?!

Are you taking the piss?

Smaller mortgages
Bigger salaries
Credit cards
Debts

With the income you have, you must have massive outgoings each month not to be able to afford the things you’re lusting after.

This. In spades.

… probably.

So many posts like these they are beginning to grate on me.
Count yourself lucky you got family help. Many of us had none. And stop comparing yourself to others.

We have a higher income than you and dont have a car. Not interested in keeping up with the Joneses. Hardly buy clothes. Not keen on mindless consumerism

Surely

You having a laugh? You earn a huge combined salary and had a massive gift to buy your home - more than most people could ever dream of
youre wildly over spending / not budgeting to not think you’re doing ok

Having ‘things’ or luxury holidays is not a sign of wealth. The cars might be on lease and holidays might be on a credit card. There is so much focus now on keeping up with the Jones and showing off on social media, it’s best to step out of that lane and just do you.

So ‘I’m rich. AIBU to resent even richer people?’

You started a thread yesterday

asking for advice for your holiday with a budget of £15k

op you do need support. For attention seeking and perhaps far too much time on your hands

Ultimately I think it comes down to everyone e having different circumstances and priorities on what they spend their money on.

Live on 30k total for household and then come back whining.

You put a lot in savings and have a big mortgage. Others might not.

You are surrounded by people earning more than you so even though you objectively have a very high income - probably in the top few percentage in the country - you feel comparatively poor.

Maybe you should move to a more deprived area, and then you will feel great!

Do you have a Just Giving page I could donate to?

Dear lord

Our salaries are less than yours at £118k, we also live in SE commuter belt, we had no help from family to buy a house. We have a 4 bed, go on a couple of holidays each year, run two cars a few years old, go on days out, no trouble buying clothes, eat out, and have healthy savings and investments for us and DCs which we add to each month. We don’t do private school though, it are paying huge nursery fees currently as still have one DC in nursery. You are doing something wrong if you can’t afford all this on £180k.

In my case, loosing my parents at a young age. Both had life insurance which paid out a considerable amount and and I also inherited our family home.

You must have really poor financial management skills if you can't manage on £180k a year.

Seriously? You earn more in a month than I do in 6. If you can’t buy the things you want with that money you have serious problems.

You are clearly going wrong somewhere because we live on a third of your income, in London, and feel like we live well

I dont have a single designer item and am not interested in having any.
If you can afford £15 k holidays you shoudnt be complaining.
I think I would be more sympathetic if you asked for ways to trim your expenses. But the way you have framed it is so clueless in this climate.

Sorry this is incredibly tone deaf. Your household is right at the top of the income distribution and by your own admission you basically have no financial problems.

As someone else who has a high income and high outgoings I understand the stretched middle thing. But it’s an incredibly first world problem.

You are extremely privileged by the standards of most people on these boards. Read the room a bit and keep it to yourself.

OP - you’re mid-thirties, you have a child and you own a house and car. I know many the same age as you who would give their eye teeth for that. There are many who live in small flats and rely in public transport. Of course there will always be those, especially in the Home Counties, who seem to “have it all”, but they’re v much the exception. They have probably had a mighty leg up from bank of mum and dad (and din’t underestimate your own good fortune to have been gifted £50,000) and work for high level banking/legal/accountancy firms, or have set up their own businesses. You really don’t have it so bad - be thankful with what you have. There are many who would envy your holidays alone - when I was your age, we used to spend holidays with my DM or DMIL because we couldn’t afford to do anything else.

Oh also, find a new circle of friends.