To not understand how people fund their lives and feel a bit jealous?

[Travelenthusiast]

Just that really. Mid-30s and we have what I have always seen as a healthy income of £180k per annum (obviously been lower when we were younger and increased over time), and had some family help - about £50k to buy our first house several years ago.

And i’m not complaining about our quality of life- I know we are lucky and can afford a good holiday every year, and a more expensive/ luxury holiday occasionally. DS does a few extra-curricular activities, we don’t have to worry about the food shop total (we aren't extravagant at all) and can afford to eat out a few times a month etc. And I know we are lucky as I grew up in a poor family and understand the stress and implications.

But we have a very modest 3-bed house (with a big mortgage), our car is ten years old and there’s no way we could replace it, we can rarely afford to replace clothes and shoes for us (of course do for DS), days out are thought through to reduce cost, would make pack lunches to take into work and don’t buy shop coffees, we could not afford private school, and often we cut out the eating out to add to savings instead- basically £ is not abundant. And we are relatively careful financially and not big spenders generally. None of this is me saying our life is bad- I know we are really luckily, but just trying to give an idea of limitations / life.

We do live in SE commuter belt (not london) where everything is very expensive.

But we are surrounded by families who have so much more, so apparently effortlessly. We are genuinely one of the only local families without a 4x4 (i know cry me a river 🤣). How do others have it all and have the big house, the new car, endless holidays, SAHM often, the new clothes, meals out, lots of savings? Is it simply that they earn much more? I know we are lucky but I just don’t understand how so many can be so wealthy? Could most of our network really have a household income over £200k?!

First reply nails it as ever 🎻

Maybe they were "lucky" and lost family members young and got inhertiace to reduce their mortage.

Or maybe they are SHAM becuase they can't afford the childcare bill - when I was one I had working mum friend swho got partial family help which reduce their childcare bill and they kept on why couldn't we afford it - I'd get them to do the sums with no family help and they'd be oh I see (ND kids also played a role).

Honestly this does read as a piss take.

You shouldn't get a 4x4 even if you can afford one

That was my reaction too. I earn 14k a year, I'm speechless.

Taking the piss, making yourself look awful and self-centred.

Good luck surviving on four times the average national household income.

Yes. I think people who are doing private school, have larger houses, new cars, etc etc are probably on more than a dual income of 180k Pa. Or they have a fairly reliable bonus that takes them over this.
Doesn’t mean that what you’re on isn’t a wonderful combined household income - but around where you’re living there will be higher salaries, company directors/ owners borrowing against their business, high bonuses or they will be older and have paid off mortgage.
Hope you can appreciate what you have and try not to think about the others x

Sorry, can’t edit, I’ve just realised you didn’t specify £15K for a holiday yourself.

I’d say it’s because somewhere you are living beyond your (quite significant) means and you live in a pricey area.

We are outside the SE commuter belt where you get a bit more for your money. We make significantly less than you (in our 30s, probably £60-100k household income). We managed to save nearly £200k for a house deposit on that over 10 years, combined with a bit of inheritance, and bought a 5 bedroom house with land and outbuildings we’ll convert to a holiday let eventually. We have 3 cars (none on finance), lots of hobbies, I have a horse. We live a very comfortable lifestyle and don’t need to worry about money. Hope to pay the mortgage off early in the next 10 years or so. I’d say our income is about £100k, though Dh is a company director so it fluctuates and it’s less than that now as I’ve been off work due to cancer the last year.

Somewhere you’re spending a lot of money on something that isn’t giving you a good return on your investment. It’s just about figuring out where that is and changing how you live.

I understand what you mean! We were in a similar position, good salaries but always felt broke and felt like everyone else was managing so much better. We went through our bank accounts for the previous three months and listed all that we spent. We were wasting ridiculous amounts of money on stupid things, especially on snacks and meals out, just tapping the phone and forgetting. We cut right back on that. Then, worked out all that we needed for every annual expense: MoneySavingExpert has a good budget sheet and then put away into pots each month so we always have enough to cover the basics of life. That’s changed our lives - we feel much more like every pound is working for us. But it sounds like you’re actually being careful already??

I'd be using the holiday budget to replace my 10 year old car not sitting on a beach.

4x4 s are cheap. Nobody wants them. 100k miles on a range rover is nothing mechanically. If you're daft enough to want less than 20mpg knock yourself out. Ebay has loads.

My very successful adult DC grew up with us earing £42k for nearly a decade. It was hard after earning big bucks but I had to to be a carer.
I think you must have a huge mortgage and you'd be better to change that to a longer term if you are feeling the pinch. However it sounds like you'll inherit so the bank of mum and dad is not dry yet.
You really are tone deaf if you think you're hard up.
Be grateful and stop moaning!

Jesus.

Her other thread is about planning a holiday in the Maldives.

This entirely!

Unless your mortgage is 5k a month, which I highly doubt, there is absolutely no way you should be living the way you do and feeling like you have to scrimp on everything.

Controversially, I think OP is getting a lot of harshness on this thread.

We have to remember that on a 180k income, the tax and NI contributions will be high so the take home pay will eat in to the 80k. OP will also lose things like tax free childcare and 30h funding which will bring nursery / breakfast and afterschool clubs to full price. Mortgage repayments these days will also be high. Commuting in to the city for the job that pays so well will also eat in to the monthly outgoings as train and tube costs an awful lot. So whilst they are not on the poverty line, and clearly aren’t struggling, 180k really isn’t as much as it appears on paper.

OP didn’t come on here to say ‘I’m really struggling we only have 180k to live on’. She very clearly stated she’s aware of how lucky she is and that she has achieved a lot, but wonders how the people around her have more. Nothing wrong with that surely? It’s not just people on the poverty line that are allowed to wonder how someone else has more.

I live in the north on what is probably a similar combined salary.

We put probably £2k gross salary into pension a month, and a further £2,750 into savings (although £1k of that is saving for in year spend, like home improvements or holidays).

We have two non 4x4 cars (8 and 5 years old) and a 3 bed detached house (mortgage of £1,500 pm). Admittedly no kids, but a dog that probably has £200+ spent on her a month.

Even if my mortgage costs doubled (to allow for bigger house prices in the south), I could still afford a new top of the range 4x4 on top of my current expenses on some sort of finance deal, but I choose not to as I’m saving for the future. I probably spend £15k a year on holidays that could easily cut back on if I had other priorities.

I definitely don’t need to pack a packed lunch on a day out.

If at that level of salary you can’t afford it, you need to look at your spending habits as either you’re saving so much it’s impacting your day to day life (fine if you want to make that trade off) or you are frittering money away somewhere mindlessly.

I know that others near me are spending more on cars because they’re not spending as much on holidays, or home improvements or saving as much as I am. You need to understand what decision you’re making differently to rationalise your spending differences.

I do like it when people are direct 😄

That's a budgeting issue. It might not be mega riches, but you should be very comfortable indeed on that income. If you're not, you need to seriously reassess your lifestyle and expenditure.
Perhaps drop the second Maldives trip and save instead?

This is a good idea. It sounds like they deserve a bigger house and new car

You live in a affluent area obviously those around you either earn more, budget better, have lower out goings or lots of debt.

Do some budgeting, write down what you spend and see where you are going wrong. We have a joint income of approximately 90k it’s around 5k a month our outgoings are-

mortgage 600
house bills approx 1000
food approx 800
petrol approx 300
Dog walker 200
Expenses (clubs, gym, childcare etc) 500

That leave 1600. We save/invest £900 and over pay on mortgage by £200 so that leaves £500 which usually getting mopped up with car expenses, birthdays, days out etc. We rarely eat out, buy second hand clothes (by choice). If we were more careful/cut back we could save another £1k a month I reckon . We have one child and one adult child at home. We go on one abroad holiday a year budget 3k and usually one or two weekend breaks.

You either have big expenses or don’t live within your means.

Come on OP. Surely someone capable of earning a salary at that level would have arrived at their mid thirties with more awareness of how this post will go down with readers on average or low incomes?

But in case this post is real, ….it’s down to priorities. I prioritise travel and time with family over cars, clothes and eating out. I don’t look or act ‘rich’. And I am fine with that. It filters out shallow money obsessed people.

It sounds from your user name that you also prioritise travel over a bigger house or a smarter car. That’s ok. Just own it and be confident in your choices. You aren’t obliged to explain your priorities to anyone. If you really want a bigger house / car, cut back on holidays and eating out.

If you’ve not grown up with this kind of affluence, it’s easy to imagine that such a salary will buy a millionaire lifestyle. But it won’t, not in the South East of England!

Perhaps try spending less on a holiday? If you really are spending £15K on them then that's an insane amount even for that income.

We earn less than half you and we struggle to afford a non luxury overseas holiday (prices last night £5K nearly for a week although that is all inclusive but I think for us we get close to our moneys worth when you compare the same holiday but SC)

However we spend a lot day to day, don't worry about replacing shoes/clothes so that's where we differ. If I didn't spend a fortune on fitness coaches/physio/running then we might not balk at 5K. We also don't have a big mortgage because we bought several years ago and haven't upsized. We technically could but then our lifestyle would drop and we would find ourselves working just to pay the mortgage and I'm not sure it's worth it.

It is frustrating that money doesn't go as far as you once thought it would but everyone has to make compromises somehow unless you are mega rich. I'm glad we don't have to worry about feeding/clothing everybody, putting the heating on even if sometimes I have a little sulk that I can't afford a nice holiday.

If the mortgage after a £50k deposit on your 'very modest' 3 bed house feels big on an £180k pa income , then it's unlikely it's actually that modest in reality.

It's a common problem on here. People spend their money on the most expensive version of everything and then complain their money doesn't go very far and they 'can't afford anything nice'. I bet your grocery bill is twice the national average. Plus you're apparently looking at £15k holidays.

So you've chosen to live in an expensive area, you probably fill your trolley with abundance at the supermarket without a second thought, and you're spending the price of a very decent second hand car on a holiday. Your 'financially careful and not big spenders' probably looks like 'we feel like millionaires' to the majority of the population.

Have you considered taking in some ironing to earn some extra money? 😂

Not sure why you are complaining. But not affording new clothes, shoes and coffees out on a household income of £ 180k a year is kind of ridiculous. Has one of you got a gambling habit.

I would say that's the car purchaser's choice, not yours.