To not understand how people fund their lives and feel a bit jealous?

[Travelenthusiast]

Just that really. Mid-30s and we have what I have always seen as a healthy income of £180k per annum (obviously been lower when we were younger and increased over time), and had some family help - about £50k to buy our first house several years ago.

And i’m not complaining about our quality of life- I know we are lucky and can afford a good holiday every year, and a more expensive/ luxury holiday occasionally. DS does a few extra-curricular activities, we don’t have to worry about the food shop total (we aren't extravagant at all) and can afford to eat out a few times a month etc. And I know we are lucky as I grew up in a poor family and understand the stress and implications.

But we have a very modest 3-bed house (with a big mortgage), our car is ten years old and there’s no way we could replace it, we can rarely afford to replace clothes and shoes for us (of course do for DS), days out are thought through to reduce cost, would make pack lunches to take into work and don’t buy shop coffees, we could not afford private school, and often we cut out the eating out to add to savings instead- basically £ is not abundant. And we are relatively careful financially and not big spenders generally. None of this is me saying our life is bad- I know we are really luckily, but just trying to give an idea of limitations / life.

We do live in SE commuter belt (not london) where everything is very expensive.

But we are surrounded by families who have so much more, so apparently effortlessly. We are genuinely one of the only local families without a 4x4 (i know cry me a river 🤣). How do others have it all and have the big house, the new car, endless holidays, SAHM often, the new clothes, meals out, lots of savings? Is it simply that they earn much more? I know we are lucky but I just don’t understand how so many can be so wealthy? Could most of our network really have a household income over £200k?!

Good grief.

So sorry to hear that you won't be sending your child to private school, just like 93% of the population. I'm sure you'll all cope.

If you genuinely can’t afford to buy new shoes for yourself and you take home a combined income of 180k then something somewhere is going horribly wrong.

How are people on £100k finding money for both savings and holidays? How much are you saving on this salary after bills and holidays?

Wow... we earn roughly half that, have a three bed, live on the commuter belt and do in fact commute into London lol.

We have two cars, go on a caravan holiday and a mini european break every year. Could afford a big international one but we like to save instead as the house needs work. We save £800 a month. There are only three of us however and whilst DS does a lot of EC we ourselves do budget carefully when it comes to the food shop, but then we also eat out twice a month.

What you're asking is why do your neighbours have big posh cars and a seemingly limitless luxury lifestyle yet you have to scrimp and save

Firstly - by my standards you're not scrimping but I'll take you at your perception

Secondly - the neighbours either earn way more than you, have inherited wealth or are in debt

That's your answer

You sound younger than mid thirties and imo its a shame that you can't live happily without envy

Some people have more money than you. Some people have different priorities to you. Some (most?) people have better money management skills than you. Some (most) people have better awareness than you.

Gosh I am sorry- just come back from nursery run and seen all posts. Was not at all trying to cause upset or implying we are living in poverty- I don’t think that at all. I know we are lucky.

Was more wondering why £ doesn’t stretch as far as i’d expect, and why if we are so high up the income distribution as many of you say- we are surrounded by people with so much more, and how they afford it.

I have seen some helpful musings on inheritance, debt, mortgage costs, money management etc. that I hadn’t considered- thank you. And apologies to those I have upset - I am not trying to plead poverty, I know we are very lucky. I was just asking something that has been vexing me.

In words of a famous tennis player - you cannot be serious!

I’m not going to come back to thread and will ask for it deleting, as don’t want to hurt anyone.

Ok, to reply to your update - you need to stop looking at people and being envious of what they have. Many people could look at your life with envy, couldn't imagine ever having a gift of a house deposit, a high salary, a holiday in the Maldives.
Your money will go far, and it will give you a very comfortable, privileged lifestyle.

Start a thread in money matters itemising your spending and asking for budgeting help. That will be more useful. Your money must be going somewhere.

Good call

If you're wondering why money doesn't stretch as far as you expect, it's because you're expecting too much. And there's a simple remedy for that.

What on earth?! We are in the SE and have a combined income of £70k. We go on one holiday per year. Our kids are happy. We have to watch money, but we enjoy life. I find 4 x 4s ridiculous - they’re the ones on the school run which are a pain in the arse! Comparison is the thief of joy, as they say.

A few people have commented on the increased number of this type of post in recent months, and I find this aspect really interesting. Whilst the majority of the UK have been suffering the effects of the cost of living crisis for at least a couple of years now, this forum does seem to be a good barometer of how increased costs are, finally, hitting the top 10% (sorry OP, I know it doesn’t feel it right now, but that’s you). Whereas previously those that are wealthier have been insulated from rising day-to-day costs, the impact on the housing market, mortgages and utilities has finally hit home.
The really interesting part will be what the government does about this, as this wealthier class tend to be reliable voters, employers and business decision makers …and MPs!

Imagine having all that you have and clearly so bored and unhappy that you need to post this thread.

To be perfectly fair, that income probably means OP ends up socialising with people in higher income brackets. If the 180K is before tax, it really isn't a massive amount if you're trying to keep up with genuinely rich people. They have trust funds, investments, multiple properties and possibly a business bringing in 180K a month. OP essentially earns just enough to cosplay as a rich person but is living far above her means if she can't buy shoes or coffee or afford private school.

OP to answer your question, many people simply have more money. 250-350K is where it gets easier and there are lots of families living on that than you imagine. You also didn't mention what your jobs were but a lot of wealthy families build networks. Personal and professional connections are absolutely vital and even though it can feel transactional, it's usually always a case of what you can do for me vs what I can do for you. As a result, many wealthy families don't have to pay for a lot of things because they're friends with people who can give it to them for free or at a heavy discount. If they own businesses, they can easily write off things as tax deductible expenses and it essentially gives them a 50% discount.

A common trick is to attend industry seminars or work trips and bring your wife and kids. These events usually take place in exotic locations or 5* hotels and are fully, legally, tax deductible (very common in medicine).

If you struggle to buy clothes, scrap the holidays... bit I find that hard to believe on £180k combined salary.
We are on a 1/4 of that, self employed in the south east, and we rent..we very rarely have a holiday. And I think we are in a good position.

I kind of know what you mean OP. I often wonder how people afford their lifestyles. It's not like 30 years ago when some people had a fancy car hardly any folk that I knew though, and I lived in a salubrious area). But now it seems like everybody has an Audi, Range Rover, or Tesla. Strange times.

Surely that’s self explanatory? £180,000 today is the equivalent to £120k 5 or 6 years ago; a good income but not outstanding. And sure, it gets you into the top 5% of households. But the problem is if everyone you mix with is also in the top 5% then £180k puts you at the bottom of household income for your peer group. Because there will be those in the top 1% or 2% that have much much higher household incomes. It’s easy enough to see households with 2 high earners - lawyers / city / medicine / c suite or whatever where the houses income will be north of £500k. If that’s your peer group, £180k is just scraping by ;)

I know, although the shoes remark made me laugh!

Haven’t read whole thread but just wanted to show solidarity with the op and that i can completely understand why you feel this way.

We are in a very similar position, three children, joint salaries of around 150 K, live in the north-west but in a pricey area.

Three children, two at uni which is crippling. One dog. One holiday per year abroad, not particularly extravagant with spending, but will eat out occasionally and pay for phones, and clothes shoes etc for DC’s.

There is very little to spare, and the tax bill is enormous.

I think that there is a misconception among lower earnings that this salary gives you an enormous amount of spare cash, when in reality if you have a large mortgage and other High outgoings, high taxes and no parental help it can be quite tough.

Good god , I could only dream of an income like that ….and yes I buy small coffees ( not giant ££ drinks ) out maybe 2 or 3 times a week and replace clothes and shoes ( but I always buy in sales and I do swither over whether I really need something and where / when I will wear it )
In all fairness I don’t smoke ( who does these days 🤪) don’t drink 🍷 and go “ out out “ 😉
Eating out tends to be coffee and a sandwich type lunch from time to time or an occasional Groupon deal .
i didn’t have any financial help from parents at all , they never even really saw my children to give them the odd few £ here and there for pocket money .

You lost me (single mom, disabled, disabled carer, living on benefits, 16yo car) at "180k per annum'

Get a grip.