To not understand how people fund their lives and feel a bit jealous?

[Travelenthusiast]

Just that really. Mid-30s and we have what I have always seen as a healthy income of £180k per annum (obviously been lower when we were younger and increased over time), and had some family help - about £50k to buy our first house several years ago.

And i’m not complaining about our quality of life- I know we are lucky and can afford a good holiday every year, and a more expensive/ luxury holiday occasionally. DS does a few extra-curricular activities, we don’t have to worry about the food shop total (we aren't extravagant at all) and can afford to eat out a few times a month etc. And I know we are lucky as I grew up in a poor family and understand the stress and implications.

But we have a very modest 3-bed house (with a big mortgage), our car is ten years old and there’s no way we could replace it, we can rarely afford to replace clothes and shoes for us (of course do for DS), days out are thought through to reduce cost, would make pack lunches to take into work and don’t buy shop coffees, we could not afford private school, and often we cut out the eating out to add to savings instead- basically £ is not abundant. And we are relatively careful financially and not big spenders generally. None of this is me saying our life is bad- I know we are really luckily, but just trying to give an idea of limitations / life.

We do live in SE commuter belt (not london) where everything is very expensive.

But we are surrounded by families who have so much more, so apparently effortlessly. We are genuinely one of the only local families without a 4x4 (i know cry me a river 🤣). How do others have it all and have the big house, the new car, endless holidays, SAHM often, the new clothes, meals out, lots of savings? Is it simply that they earn much more? I know we are lucky but I just don’t understand how so many can be so wealthy? Could most of our network really have a household income over £200k?!

Hang on you have a household income of £180k and had a substantial gifted deposit and you still struggle - are you fucking terrible with money or something?

We have about two thirds of housenold income, had no help to buy a property and live in London. We absolutely do not struggle to have a nice life.

We may have different definitions of a nice life though.

I think you should meal plan mate

You must be doing something wrong or over spending somewhere. We have a household income of 140K we have a 2 week holiday every year, plus 2 city breaks. We live in a 4 bed detached, own our car (although it's not new but we both WFH so refuse to spend loads of money on one, but it's an SUV) We don't wear designer clothes because that's just not our taste. We have one DS who is 12 so does have more expensive taste in clothes than us 🤣
We eat out fairly often and have multiple savings accounts that we pay in to every month.
If you are struggling on your income I would have a good look at what you are spending each month. We have a spreadsheet and everything goes on there so we can see what we are spending on what.

There’s a term for it now - monetary dysmorphia.

I understand the point you’re making even if lots of people have got the hump.

You have a good salary but see others with a lot more and wonder how.

Maybe don't spend 15 grand on a holiday then?

It's hardly rocket science is it

Doesn't a lot of it come down to where you live? Like a small three bed in a desirable area could be hugely expensive, compared to a big 5 bed somewhere less desirable. I.e. is it going to turnout you live in Richmond? Or St Albans?

This thread isn’t going to go well. But yes, 180k doesn’t get you what you think it will get you. The kids of our childhood whose parents were on the equivalent of 180k (not that I knew any, but in my later teens my friends and I fell in with some private school boys) had the massive detached houses/school fees etc. 180k in London or surrounds is just not likely to deliver that lifestyle unless you have had a significant hand up the ladder to buy your property and your mortgage is therefore lower.

Often there will be minimum pension contributions being made, cars on lease, potentially holidays on a CC, parents helping with a really substantial deposit and often just general living costs esp in earlier adulthood, parental help with school fees etc. High earners often had high earning parents who can therefore help them.

We are the same, higher earners but not necessarily living the expected lifestyle until more recently and we still don’t feel we have enough for school fees. We will however probably have plenty to help our own kids out with and hopefully kickstart a bit of generational money.

This is all I have to say

If there are things you feel you can’t do it’s because you are spending more than others in other areas.
You have one child in school, so no private fees or full time childcare.

Are you kidding me???
The average household income in the UK is £34,000, and you, on an income of £180,000 are complaining about not being able to afford to replace shoes and clothes.
How the Fuck do you think everyone else is managing?

Housing costs. Everything depends when you bought your house, and so how big your mortgage is.

Someone buying a house today might be paying twice the price of that house 15 years ago in parts of the South East.

And childcare a factor if you’re in that period - with my headline income I’d have thought I’d be driving a Porsche, but I actually just have a MASSIVE mortgage on a London terrace and sky-high childcare bill. Without those I’d suddenly have several thousand pounds a month disposable income.

If this is true, come on OP. You spend the equivalent of a TA’s salary after tax on a holiday and moan that your lifestyle isn’t bougie enough…..?

You must be really bad with money if you can't figure this one out.

Let’s see your outgoings sheet….

Wow @Travelenthusiast you really jumped the shark with the sad news that you are the only one out of the local families without a 4 x4. I almost shed a tear😂

I was going to type a lengthy reply but this sums it up

This is so tiresome @Travelenthusiast .

You know what the answers are. You've crafted this in a way to provoke the most responses you can.

Why can't you just be honest and admit this is a stealth boast thread?

One of the richest people I know always felt poor compared to tbe absolutely loaded people he hung out with. ‘Comparison is the thief of joy’ springs to mind. So many people can only dream of the lifestyle you describe. Start looking at all the amazing things you have in your life instead of what you don’t have. If you really can’t afford to buy clothes on your income then I suggest you take a course in budgeting. Learn how to use Vinted. Volunteer for a food bank to put yourself back in touch with the real world.

You’re doing something very wrong, I have a not very modest 3 bed house in the south east commuter belt on less than half your salary and with no family help. It isn’t a stretch

I’m confused you earn £180k and struggle to buy clothes? Our household income is about average if not less and I still manage to clothe everyone.
Maybe you need to manage your money better and not spend £15k on a holiday if that’s true.

Yeah this is what I feel, something is going wrong somewhere.

They had significant financial help to buy a home AND have a very high combined income and sounds like they only have one child who is not at private school so it’s a mystery where their money is going.

I could understand more if it was multiple kids on half that income and they hadn’t had help with their deposit.

🤣🤣🤣

I get the feeling the OP won’t be coming back to this one. It’s astounding someone can so so lacking in self awareness.