To not understand how people fund their lives and feel a bit jealous?

[Travelenthusiast]

Just that really. Mid-30s and we have what I have always seen as a healthy income of £180k per annum (obviously been lower when we were younger and increased over time), and had some family help - about £50k to buy our first house several years ago.

And i’m not complaining about our quality of life- I know we are lucky and can afford a good holiday every year, and a more expensive/ luxury holiday occasionally. DS does a few extra-curricular activities, we don’t have to worry about the food shop total (we aren't extravagant at all) and can afford to eat out a few times a month etc. And I know we are lucky as I grew up in a poor family and understand the stress and implications.

But we have a very modest 3-bed house (with a big mortgage), our car is ten years old and there’s no way we could replace it, we can rarely afford to replace clothes and shoes for us (of course do for DS), days out are thought through to reduce cost, would make pack lunches to take into work and don’t buy shop coffees, we could not afford private school, and often we cut out the eating out to add to savings instead- basically £ is not abundant. And we are relatively careful financially and not big spenders generally. None of this is me saying our life is bad- I know we are really luckily, but just trying to give an idea of limitations / life.

We do live in SE commuter belt (not london) where everything is very expensive.

But we are surrounded by families who have so much more, so apparently effortlessly. We are genuinely one of the only local families without a 4x4 (i know cry me a river 🤣). How do others have it all and have the big house, the new car, endless holidays, SAHM often, the new clothes, meals out, lots of savings? Is it simply that they earn much more? I know we are lucky but I just don’t understand how so many can be so wealthy? Could most of our network really have a household income over £200k?!

Don't be so ridiculous. What on earth are you spending your money on that you cant replace your clothes?

The Maldives it appears

Have you tried cutting down on avocados- that should do the trick?

Well clearly their DH is a much higher earner than yours and/or their families are wealthier and/or more generous than yours. I think a more valid question is how can a person get to be an adult with a decent job running a home and seemingly have no knowledge whatsoever of wealth inequality, pay gaps and the fact that life does not treat us all the same?

Not another of these posts. People with HUGE amounts of money who don't know how lucky they are and who seem to have no idea how to budget.
And sadly, have no idea how to be happy and content with their lives.

I live on a state pension, don't own my own home.....but have a lovely life, eat well, enjoy friends and family, enjoy the countryside.... Seems money really doesn't buy happiness after all.

Never seen £180K in my life, joint or otherwise. Not even half that. Managed to bring up a family, travel (in younger years), send one child to university....and I don't feel I missed out in life.

People need to learn the art of contentment these days. As well as budgeting skills.

Sorry OP you must be doing something wrong. We earn less than you, live in the SE commuter belt, and our rent is 3k a month. We have a very nice life.
Google, how rich am i calculator, you will see you are in the top 2 percent of earners in the UK and top 1 percent globally.
I would recommend looking at youe budgetz download all transactions from your bank accounts from last year and catagorise everything.
We did this when we were concerned what was happening to out money and found we were spenign 2 grand a month on food and eating out. Shopping in the local waitrose express becuase we couldnt be bothered to go to the big supermarket, coffees from starbucks etc. it all adds up and you will be surpised how wasteful you might be being with your money
If you have nursery bills that can take a huge chunk but is also not forever.

🎻

JFC. Gifted £50k and combined income of £180k, and it’s not good enough for you.

Wake up.

@Travelenthusiast , there's a thread running with a fellow green-eyed monster who begrudges a single mother of 4 who seems to be economically astute. Maybe you can DM her to put you in touch - get some advice on making your pounds really stretch.

£180k and moaning?! So, so out of touch. You either have really rich friends or no sense of what’s normal for most people, or both.

I think the answer is that their lifestyle has been given a huge head start by parental help and their background/who they know is probably a large contributing factor to being in such a high earning job. The OP is clearly as thick as two short planks and has zero concept of financial management so it can only be that.

£180k and can rarely afford to replace shoes or buy a Starbucks

yeah right

I keep hearing this word modest in housing

what is a modest 3 bed house ?

i live in a 3 bed semi.

Joker.

This^

I suspect this is a wind up but I'll bite.

Op ultimately everyone has to prioritise what they have and how they spend it. As a single mum with 35k to run my household with I have to watch what I spend and be frugal. I could torture myself looking at what my friends who are not single parents and who are in better paid jobs than I am have - but comparison is the thief of joy. I focus on doing my best with what I have available to me and trying to further myself.

Perhaps they've had family money. Perhaps they've been able to take on a smaller mortgage. Perhaps they live on credit cards and are in debt. You'll never know because their lifestyle is none of your business. If you're dropping £15k on a holiday then that's where you're prioritising your spending.

They may be higher earners, have inherited along the way or have accrued substantial debt. Whatever they have will have been earned or borrowed by them or gifted to them. It's utterly pointless looking at what others have and comparing yourselves when you won't know the details of their finances. One thing you can be sure of is if you spend more than you have you will go into debt and that is nothing to be envious of.

Imagine feeling jealous of others when you have a £180k annual income, 15k holidays and a 3 bed house, when some families of the same age as you are living paycheck to paycheck, can barely keep a roof above their heads or food in their children’s bellies. Behave😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

If you only have one child I can't understand it either.

It will almost certainly be that they don’t have your mortgage. Either they got on the housing ladder much earlier so they had equity / their purchase cost was lower, or bank of mum and dad paid a significant chunk.

I just don't understand. £180k a year and you don't feel well off?

Our household income is around £80k and I never have to worry about money. I feel very privileged and well off.

Where is your money going?

Also this

I live in the SE so I understand it’s an expensive area but just as there are plenty of people with more money than us around (a lot moved out from London and had made £££s in property there) there are many, many of our contemporaries on much less. Why not look all around you?

@Travelenthusiast if you do come from a ‘poor background’ I just don’t think you would be this tone deaf and certainly a lot more grateful for the comfortable circumstances you find yourself in.

Surely if the things you want aren’t affordable just budget differently e.g. spend 10k on your holiday and that gives you 5k for clothes. It’s laughable to be typing that out, surely no-one is that clueless!

It's a bit early to be taking out the violin, but here we are.

I have a 3 bedroom house. It cost £1m. Don’t use a 3 bedroom house as proof you don’t have enough money when you earn £180k a year between you, you idiot.

Hmm. We have similar income but no family help, and in Surrey and generally don’t struggle. 3 kids, one in nursery. Focus your perspective on your second paragraph rather than your third if you want a happier life. Other than that, not sure really!

ETA we don’t struggle at all, maybe it would be a stretch to go on an AI holiday every year but that’s not a struggle 😄

🤣🤣🤣