Finding it hard not to resent friend on benefits

[ArlJudey]

I’m friends with a woman, she has 4 kids all fairly young still. She’s single (dad not in the country so no maintenance), she lives in a 3 bed council house that is nicer than my home (okay she got lucky as I know some of the council houses around here are awful but she’s in a lovely spacious house). She works 15 hours a week, above minimum wage but I don’t know by how much, she gets UC and child benefit and Scottish child payment on top of this, I know she doesn’t have any family help etc.

Anyway met with this friend today and she complained that she can’t afford to go anywhere nice on holiday, she’s going to Egypt in the summer for the week; last year she went to Greece so she’s hardly slumming it. She brags about having no debt at all, her kids have nice clothes (though I know she is a Vinted wizard), doesn’t seem to struggle at Christmas, uses gousto every week etc.

AIBU to resent that she seems to have a much nicer life than I do with 2 kids working full time (also single). I know there are some obvious differences like I have a small amount of debt I’m paying off and have a car to pay for/fuel/insure.
I really don’t get how on benefits she’s doing it!

Nothing worse than a pocket watcher! YABU

Quit and sign on then?

The way I look at this is the kids will grow up soon Enough. Scp stops at 16. Uc will stop or reduce when kids adults so she will need to work then.

Try not to focus on her. You're setting a good example to your kids working and in 15 years when they are adults yiu will have many years of work behind you. Promotions pay rises etc.

The Scottish Government have very purposely focussed on reducing child poverty which is a good thing. If your income was low enough you’d also be entitled to tops ups, Scottish child payment etc. You’ve already identified choices you’ve made about your money that are different to hers, she manages her money differently.

Yes i made a comment to friend the other day that ive done life wrong and is it too late for another baby at 42 so i can claim and get a council house? Takes the piss

Bloody hell, I read her life and I think…. No thank you sounds bloomin awful to me

This actively appeals to you?

You’re not her friend with an attitude like that.

That's literally not how it works anymore

Not this again!

Please, op, stop comparing yourself to this woman. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that.

You are not being unreasonable.
I would somewhat feel the same.

You sound like a lovely supportive friend.

I'm surprised that people are so open about their finances. I was brought up not to discuss money but I guess manners are out the window. Now you have your 'friends' who know every last penny you have, criticising you on public forums.

It’s not an attitude. It’s envy. She’s not jealous. She’s envious.

Some people do luck out on benefits. I know some that do, some that don’t. It is what it is, but let’s not pretend that some don’t do well.

Exactly that. She's living on borrowed time.

I do understand that it's horrible when you're working hard and seeing others who aren't but still ganing. It's a long game, though, OP.

Anyone resenting those on benefits needs to take a long hard look at themselves and their lives. Because that shit isn't normal.

MN seems to want to deny this happens, but it does, quite often. People know how to play the system. But, what do they actually have at the end of it? The children are grown and gone, those benefit stop and then what?

It just doesn’t feel like it, her youngest is 2, eldest 6 (twins in between) so it’s not like the benefits will go anywhere anytime soon. She has a degree, is still working in her field so when her youngest is in school she will be able to find full time work and progress easily, I don’t see it like she’s on borrowed time at all.

Being a lone parent of 4 young children is nothing to envy. It's hard work.

The ones that never seem to luck out, or even get anywhere near what they're worth, are the ones most entitled to tax payers' money, IMO, and that's carers of people (usually mothers) with moderate to severe disabilities.

It's a frustrating system for sure, but being frustrated isn't going to change it, unfortunately. You need to put it tp one side somewhat and focus on what you're doing and the benefits of that.

If her life's good enough to envy then do the same. I guarantee you would be whinging on MN within a month.

You think she should be working full time with 4 children under 6 as a lone parent just so she doesn't claim UC?

Im a lone parent of 3, I'm a nurse who works full time (my kids are older then hers) and I still receive UC. I can assure you, life isn't a picnic even if I'm not on the bones of my arse financially 🤣

It sounds like your friend has a good work life balance. So I can see why you'd envy that I guess.
Are you entitled to any benefits? You'd have to be earning quite well not to be entitled to anything as a single income family with kids.
If I was you, I'd spend some quality time with a benefits calculator. Put in a few different combinations of wages and childcare costs and see what you come up with.
If you really envy your friends lifestyle why don't you see if it's possible for you?

Single working Mum of 4 dc, and you're jealous?

Have another 2 kids and cut your hours then. You can have her life too.

I couldn't imagine taking 4 kids anywhere and feeling like I've 'lucked out' let alone getting them to and through an airport.

It's really nobody's business.

Maybe she gets child maintenance for all 4.

Maybe this post isn't entirely factual.

Who knows?
Beaky.