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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Finding it hard not to resent friend on benefits

513 replies

ArlJudey · 27/04/2025 18:20

I’m friends with a woman, she has 4 kids all fairly young still. She’s single (dad not in the country so no maintenance), she lives in a 3 bed council house that is nicer than my home (okay she got lucky as I know some of the council houses around here are awful but she’s in a lovely spacious house). She works 15 hours a week, above minimum wage but I don’t know by how much, she gets UC and child benefit and Scottish child payment on top of this, I know she doesn’t have any family help etc.

Anyway met with this friend today and she complained that she can’t afford to go anywhere nice on holiday, she’s going to Egypt in the summer for the week; last year she went to Greece so she’s hardly slumming it. She brags about having no debt at all, her kids have nice clothes (though I know she is a Vinted wizard), doesn’t seem to struggle at Christmas, uses gousto every week etc.

AIBU to resent that she seems to have a much nicer life than I do with 2 kids working full time (also single). I know there are some obvious differences like I have a small amount of debt I’m paying off and have a car to pay for/fuel/insure.
I really don’t get how on benefits she’s doing it!

OP posts:
TheHerboriste · 30/04/2025 21:40

FedupofArsenalgame · 30/04/2025 20:59

£50 a month from age 20-35. That's 50x12x15. .I make that £9000. And double that for the other one.

Edited
Show quote history

So? That should certainly be doable. I bet they spend more on TV, tattoos and takeaway in that same period of time.

What's the alternative? Expect the taxpayers to provide ad infinitum?

MereNoelle · 30/04/2025 21:45

TheHerboriste · 30/04/2025 21:40

So? That should certainly be doable. I bet they spend more on TV, tattoos and takeaway in that same period of time.

What's the alternative? Expect the taxpayers to provide ad infinitum?

Show quote history

As I said, just likes to be controversial.

TooBigForMyBoots · 30/04/2025 22:16

TheHerboriste · 30/04/2025 21:40

So? That should certainly be doable. I bet they spend more on TV, tattoos and takeaway in that same period of time.

What's the alternative? Expect the taxpayers to provide ad infinitum?

Show quote history

Do you actually bet or are you just imagining things and then believing they are true because you imagined them? There's a lot of that on the internet.

Solipsism is shite. Get with reality.

OutcomeAdmin · 30/04/2025 22:28

TV, tattoos and takeaway

Does channel 5 still exist? Sounds like a great name for a new benefit-bashing show.

TooBigForMyBoots · 30/04/2025 22:32

OutcomeAdmin · 30/04/2025 18:55

That poster is childfree I believe. And has quite strong views on children in general.. It may explain some of their opinions here.

Show quote history

Thanks for that.Thanks I'm seeing a mile wide streak of misogyny there too, along with zero understanding of human relationships.

XenoBitch · 30/04/2025 22:41

OutcomeAdmin · 30/04/2025 22:28

TV, tattoos and takeaway

Does channel 5 still exist? Sounds like a great name for a new benefit-bashing show.

I am going to start a punk-rock band, and call it that...TV, Tatts and Takeway! Fingers up to the system!

XenoBitch · 30/04/2025 22:42

TooBigForMyBoots · 30/04/2025 22:32

Thanks for that.Thanks I'm seeing a mile wide streak of misogyny there too, along with zero understanding of human relationships.

Show quote history

All of their comments have been shocking TBH.
Totally empathy bypass. I am sure they could claim PIP for that.

TooBigForMyBoots · 01/05/2025 15:11

Or brownie points from the patriarchy.🤨

SapphireSeptember · 13/05/2025 23:16

TooBigForMyBoots · 30/04/2025 22:32

Thanks for that.Thanks I'm seeing a mile wide streak of misogyny there too, along with zero understanding of human relationships.

Show quote history

They've been spouting the same nonsense all over the place. I'm glad it's not just me who's noticed.

sunshinestar1986 · 08/12/2025 23:11

ArlJudey · 27/04/2025 18:20

I’m friends with a woman, she has 4 kids all fairly young still. She’s single (dad not in the country so no maintenance), she lives in a 3 bed council house that is nicer than my home (okay she got lucky as I know some of the council houses around here are awful but she’s in a lovely spacious house). She works 15 hours a week, above minimum wage but I don’t know by how much, she gets UC and child benefit and Scottish child payment on top of this, I know she doesn’t have any family help etc.

Anyway met with this friend today and she complained that she can’t afford to go anywhere nice on holiday, she’s going to Egypt in the summer for the week; last year she went to Greece so she’s hardly slumming it. She brags about having no debt at all, her kids have nice clothes (though I know she is a Vinted wizard), doesn’t seem to struggle at Christmas, uses gousto every week etc.

AIBU to resent that she seems to have a much nicer life than I do with 2 kids working full time (also single). I know there are some obvious differences like I have a small amount of debt I’m paying off and have a car to pay for/fuel/insure.
I really don’t get how on benefits she’s doing it!

Easily done init OP
Pop out 2 more kids and if you're in a relationship, kick them out.
Drop your hours to 15 hours a week and go live your amazing life.
Holidays to Egypt and amazing clothes off vinted 👏
You've really found the secret to wealth and happiness.
What are you waiting for?

nomas · 08/12/2025 23:27

Hollyaddy · 27/04/2025 18:22

The way I look at this is the kids will grow up soon Enough. Scp stops at 16. Uc will stop or reduce when kids adults so she will need to work then.

Try not to focus on her. You're setting a good example to your kids working and in 15 years when they are adults yiu will have many years of work behind you. Promotions pay rises etc.

Will it stop though? I know people getting it as their kids are at university. And I don't begrudge it to them, the kids are working hard to build careers for themselves. They'll be high rate tax payers in the future.

boredwfh · 09/12/2025 00:09

My friend had a terrible accident and had to have several operations to repair it. She’s not worked for at least 3 years. She is well recovered now could definitely work but chooses not to as she has been on full pip & it’s just been renewed for another two years at the highest rate. It’s insane. She readily admits she’s lazy; she is a stay at home wife no children: hubby earns £150k plus a year so fully supported there. Plus PIP for pocket money. She also got 10’s of thousands in comp for the accident on top of PIP. This fact. I do wonder what to say sometimes to her. I really don’t think it’s for people like her who have savings, can physically buy chooses not to as her a husband to also support her

XenoBitch · 09/12/2025 00:12

boredwfh · 09/12/2025 00:09

My friend had a terrible accident and had to have several operations to repair it. She’s not worked for at least 3 years. She is well recovered now could definitely work but chooses not to as she has been on full pip & it’s just been renewed for another two years at the highest rate. It’s insane. She readily admits she’s lazy; she is a stay at home wife no children: hubby earns £150k plus a year so fully supported there. Plus PIP for pocket money. She also got 10’s of thousands in comp for the accident on top of PIP. This fact. I do wonder what to say sometimes to her. I really don’t think it’s for people like her who have savings, can physically buy chooses not to as her a husband to also support her

Edited

She wont be on UC though. Her DH earn too much for her to be able to claim it. PIP is not means tested and is nothing to do with what her DH earns. If her PIP has just been reassessed and she is still getting the high rate, then she is still in need of it and also still disabled.

She is being supported by her DH. She is doing nothing wrong at all.

I am sure she wishes she didn't have the accident and had to have multiple operations. You sound like an awful friend.

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