Finding it hard not to resent friend on benefits

[ArlJudey]

I’m friends with a woman, she has 4 kids all fairly young still. She’s single (dad not in the country so no maintenance), she lives in a 3 bed council house that is nicer than my home (okay she got lucky as I know some of the council houses around here are awful but she’s in a lovely spacious house). She works 15 hours a week, above minimum wage but I don’t know by how much, she gets UC and child benefit and Scottish child payment on top of this, I know she doesn’t have any family help etc.

Anyway met with this friend today and she complained that she can’t afford to go anywhere nice on holiday, she’s going to Egypt in the summer for the week; last year she went to Greece so she’s hardly slumming it. She brags about having no debt at all, her kids have nice clothes (though I know she is a Vinted wizard), doesn’t seem to struggle at Christmas, uses gousto every week etc.

AIBU to resent that she seems to have a much nicer life than I do with 2 kids working full time (also single). I know there are some obvious differences like I have a small amount of debt I’m paying off and have a car to pay for/fuel/insure.
I really don’t get how on benefits she’s doing it!

I'm the opposite but it's my upbringing. I was brought up to believe that how much money people have is personal and not my business.

I'm not sure how knowing the exact financial details of someone on benefits has anything to do with Birmingham council.

Nor do I understand how you knowing my financial circumstances teaches anyone about compound interest or the importance of budgeting.

This

@Stressfordays no one made her have 4 children though. There's a thing called contraception.

The gravy train won't last forever. Isn't there a 2 children benefits cap in Scotland, like there is in England?

She'll qualify for 3 due to the twins

I'm not sure what she's doing wrong? It would be very hard to work full time as a single parent with 4 kids 6 and under so if she can make it work then thank goodness for that. Keeping on working part time and staying in her industry sounds sensible.

There is not enough money in the world for me to take 4 children under 7 to Egypt for a week!
What must your life be like that you actually want this.

You are envious of a single mum with a 2 year old, 4 year old twins and a 6 year old?!

Oh, and she's working, too?

I am full of admiration for someone coping with all that and not going insane tbh.

Me too.
Situation is not that unusual

That’s what I always wonder, too.

I’m one of those who has known capable, perfectly able-bodied people who simply chose not to work.

Go on then @LillyPJ
what are your financial circa?!

Shed be getting money for 3 kids due to the twins. She'll be able to claim the Scottish child payment for all. And child benefits for all. Roughly 1584 so depending on her wages it's not much for a family of five that amount will go down too depending what uc takes off for wages. (Not including housing)

The majority of us rather just think the life of the OP’s friend sounds FAR from a life we would envy

Do you rent OP? Do you get any UC? It’s such a waste of energy to be jealous of someone else’s money and how they get it. Focus on your own life and happiness, or leave this woman to her own life without your judgement

I have very robust views about benefits. However, if she's a single parent and the eldest is 6, the youngest 2 and twins in-between, I take my hat off to her for working 15hpw.

YANBU OP, I've lived this & when you work lot's & the alarm goes off every morning it is hard to not feel resentful when you see others not working as many hours etc. What I will say is, time will pass & quickly & being a single parent is tough. The people I know now have grown up kids (who aren't really working or in education ) & they are having to work full time (& hating it), have no pension contributions & live in rented accommodation. I own my own home, have a half decent pension, have been promoted over time & so far my son has taken his education & job seriously. I will say I hold on to some guilt for working too much when my son was little xx

🤣🤣🤣 do ivf and crack on.

you sound really silly

Being a single parent to 4, her life is not to be envied. Good for her managing her money carefully and giving her kids a good life. I don’t think benefits amount to a huge sum of money.

I say this as someone who is not entitled to any benefit (incfree childcare hours or child benefit etc).

Living in envy isn’t healthy.

Oh dear, do you really think it's that easy to get a council house? Just 21% of single-parent families in the UK are in council houses so where do you think the other 79% are living?

We only see the parts of peoples lives they choose to share and I bet there are some tough times having 4 children, no partner and no family support either and a job. Maybe she doesn’t dwell on it and has a positive attitude instead of spending energy on being jealous of others and what they have.

I can’t afford to go on holiday on benefits either. But I have never worked

The birth rate is declining. It won’t be long before they’re offering financial incentives to have more children.

If your friend is a single parent to four kids under age seven, I'd say she is probably working very hard indeed!

Perhaps the end result of your friend's kids not living in absolutely dire poverty will actually be good for society?

The costs of providing benefits to parents might actually be cheaper in the long run if the alternative is children not having enough to eat.

surley the question should be why does your workplace pay crap wages ?

The incentives don’t grow on trees. They are paid for by people whom often don’t have the luxury of having 4 kids. Or put off having any kids until they are in their 40s. Perhaps those who are so very in favour of funding other people’s life choices could make extra contribution to mount their money where their mouths are.

Yeah, thought not.

Its a simply question of fairness and sustainability or the system. Neither of which can be said for the benefits system in this country.