Finding it hard not to resent friend on benefits

[ArlJudey]

I’m friends with a woman, she has 4 kids all fairly young still. She’s single (dad not in the country so no maintenance), she lives in a 3 bed council house that is nicer than my home (okay she got lucky as I know some of the council houses around here are awful but she’s in a lovely spacious house). She works 15 hours a week, above minimum wage but I don’t know by how much, she gets UC and child benefit and Scottish child payment on top of this, I know she doesn’t have any family help etc.

Anyway met with this friend today and she complained that she can’t afford to go anywhere nice on holiday, she’s going to Egypt in the summer for the week; last year she went to Greece so she’s hardly slumming it. She brags about having no debt at all, her kids have nice clothes (though I know she is a Vinted wizard), doesn’t seem to struggle at Christmas, uses gousto every week etc.

AIBU to resent that she seems to have a much nicer life than I do with 2 kids working full time (also single). I know there are some obvious differences like I have a small amount of debt I’m paying off and have a car to pay for/fuel/insure.
I really don’t get how on benefits she’s doing it!

They should. Taxpayer funded benefits are a survival mechanism, not a lifestyle subsidy.
I don’t want to live solely on benefits if I become disabled; that’s why I have savings and income protection.

The hand life deals you is the luck of the draw. Crowing at people who are worse off than you doesn't make you the better person.

Yeah, because I should have known he'd become an absolute arse after we got married! Silly me, I thought eight years together was enough time to get to know each other. 🙄

I don’t want to live solely on benefits if I become disabled; that’s why I have savings and income protection.

And if you’re disabled from birth, have no opportunity to work and build savings? Or your savings run out because the cost of care burns through them?

And if they don't have thousands space to prepare for such eventualities?

Then they should all be sterilised and marched off to labour camps to repay their debt to society, evidently .

Keep them away from the proper people , for God's sake.

FFS still going on 😃

@theherboriste your choice of language in your posts is telling.

"Mating" "selecting a mate" "producing offspring" it's all very dehumanising. It really shows that you think of certain people as less than. Comparable to animals. Undeserving of dignity.

It's callous and deeply unpleasant really.

That poster is childfree I believe. And has quite strong views on children in general.. It may explain some of their opinions here.

Probably man free too. 😂

So it's a woman with 4 young kids, no family to help, rather her than me! And if she's got her benefits organised to look after that lot, more power to her elbow! And when her youngest is in school, he'll still need caring for! You're just jealous OP. Don't be! She's probably jealous of you with only 2 kids and a full time job/career!

It doesn't take thousands. Income protection for someone in their 30s is less than £50 a month.. And less for life insurance. Can't afford £100 a month for risk management, can't afford the kids. Simple.

There is no insurance scheme that protects against the fall out of divorce... or a scheme that exists in case an absent father refuses to pay for his own kids.

I am sure your friend would prefer not having to rely on benefits. She no doubt has to go to meetings about working more hours. Not every firm wants staff to be on more hours. It can be difficult for claimants.

You don't have to work or look for work if you have a child under 3 (OP's friend's youngest is 2). She is working 15 hours though out of choice.

It's called "a career."

Not everyone is capable of a career. Or are you suggesting that people who do the vital but low paid jobs not have kids?

And in the case of OP's friend, she does have a career. She is still working, albeit less hours.

If everyone has a ‘career’, who does the low paid jobs like retail work, nursery workers, carers etc? Or do those people not get to have children?

It really sounds like that is what they are getting at, doesn't it.

To be honest, I’m not sure this poster even believes what she’s saying. She just likes being controversial.

People can do entry level work early in their working life, and move up, leaving the entry level jobs for junior workers.

I just want to know how much you would of hated me who had a child at 16 and didn't get a job till they started school 😂 I'm glad I was too stupid to know people thought this way it would of been a little depressing.

Also what would you of done if you had a child when you were young and dumb would you of killed yourself to not inconvenience anyone else? Just curious

A lot of jobs are not entry level. They are dead end. They also tend to be the ones most vital to the efficient running of society. The ones people clapped for during Covid.
The job I was in had no room for progression at all apart from up to supervisor. Much more stress for very little more money. A few of my colleagues went up to supervisor, just to come back down again after a year or so.

Some people are just not cut out for anything other than the lower paid jobs. And that is fine too.

£50 a month from age 20-35. That's 50x12x15. .I make that £9000. And double that for the other one.

There is little career progression for most careworkers. What would happen to all those in need of care, if all careworkers moved onto higher paid jobs at age 30?!

People can end up needing care at a cost of £250,000 pa (the most I have ever heard of is £600,000 pa). I am curious to know if your insurance policy covers costs on that scale for the rest of your life at £50 - £100 pcm?