Finding it hard not to resent friend on benefits

[ArlJudey]

I’m friends with a woman, she has 4 kids all fairly young still. She’s single (dad not in the country so no maintenance), she lives in a 3 bed council house that is nicer than my home (okay she got lucky as I know some of the council houses around here are awful but she’s in a lovely spacious house). She works 15 hours a week, above minimum wage but I don’t know by how much, she gets UC and child benefit and Scottish child payment on top of this, I know she doesn’t have any family help etc.

Anyway met with this friend today and she complained that she can’t afford to go anywhere nice on holiday, she’s going to Egypt in the summer for the week; last year she went to Greece so she’s hardly slumming it. She brags about having no debt at all, her kids have nice clothes (though I know she is a Vinted wizard), doesn’t seem to struggle at Christmas, uses gousto every week etc.

AIBU to resent that she seems to have a much nicer life than I do with 2 kids working full time (also single). I know there are some obvious differences like I have a small amount of debt I’m paying off and have a car to pay for/fuel/insure.
I really don’t get how on benefits she’s doing it!

I used to have a lot of people ask me how I could go on holiday when I was on benefits so I told them. I lived very frugally, walked everywhere, bought only short dated meat to freeze, foraged in season, meal prepped, etc... and how I chose holidays based on what I could afford, not where I would like to go. Every single person said they couldn't/wouldn't live like that.

It’s a life choice. Going to the airport. 🙄Good grief.

So what's stopping you leaving your job and joining her on benefits?

You’ve come to the wrong place OP, if you’re looking for a bunch of like minded people who believe in paying your own way and not living off the taxpayer all your life.

According to people on here, there is no such thing people abusing the benefits system. You’ll always get blind defence of of it here. It makes you wonder if the French defenders are at it themselves.

Getting them through an airport, not going to...

But yeah twins - what a lifestyle choice. Being single too. To what I can understand is one father.

Pop your rolling eyes back in.

Agree. What an outdated opinion. Embarrassing

Quite. God forbid anyone on here should actually pay for themselves or their choices….

@Keirawr

We mustn't hold men accountable must we?
Let's make sure that those kids with a working mother have a shit life and get all the the flack and judgement that goes with coming from a single parent family.

4 children (and I’d be surprised if not at least one ND)
on her own
working 15 hours in no doubt an unskilled minimum wage job
3 bed council house for - 5 bed family

if you’re jealous of this… then I feel sorry for you op

I'm currently rethinking this 'politeness.' Not talking about money, as employees and women too, leaves us blind to what's normal, where we're getting ripped off etc. I think knowledge is power. I've recently started investing in stocks and shares (very modestly) and am beginning to realise that a lot of people have been gatekeeping this as an option for ordinary people like me. I happily chat to women friends about it. Why wouldn't I share what I have learned? It's also powerful to understand how other women protect themselves financially. For example, sahms having a private pension, or seperate as well as joint accounts. The idea that discussing finances is vulgar kept me pretty poor when I was younger. It shouldn't be taboo.
Sorry- detracted from the original post.

I know. The father had four children then buggered off abroad leaving a woman to bring up four children alone. It's despicable.

That's right.

Should have terminated those pregnancies!

Women's rights seem to have died a death since last week.

Maybe financially she’s not doing too badly due to the various benefit top ups etc. I do kind of get that it stings a bit to have less coming in working full time than someone working part time.

But does anyone genuinely want to be a single mother to 4 young children, with no help. I honestly can’t think of much worse personally!

Presumably you could drop to 15 hours per week and have another 2 kids and you’d be getting the same money as her? I’m not sure you would actually want to do that though!

What did she say when you reminded her about her nice holidays? So clearly she can afford to go nice places

If she's disabled then yes you are unreasonable to resent her. As having ill health is worse than anything, including struggling financially while physically and mentally well.

If she's not disabled, and neither are you, then why not go ahead and claim all the benefits she does? If you genuinely think it will make your life easier.

Having your entire livelihood be dependent on the whim of an ever increasingly unsympathetic government is extremely anxiety inducing.

So be very careful what you wish for. I'd say there's plenty of people who can't work who would be envious of you for being able to.

Thought u could only get universal credit for 2 kids

There's a benefit cap.

Quit your job and go on benefits then?

The government needs to cut benefits
far deeper and harder this than they have. The whole thing has become a parody. No wonder the public is becoming so disenfranchised with paying for it. It’s not a safety net. It’s a lifestyle choice to have kids you cannot afford. How many people, even as a couple, can afford 4 kids with out taxpayer funding. The vast majority cannot,

Yet some people are making that choice because they know that someone else will pick up the tab.

Yes, that is absolutely disgraceful. It absolutely should be illegal. Fathers should be forced to pay. But, currently they aren’t. We all know that and it has been that way since time began. And, women are also responsible for themselves. And last time I checked, contraception in England was free.
Four children are, by anyone’s reckoning, expensive.

Thing is her income isn't secure and isn't long term OP. One day her kids will be up and shell have no choice but to up her hours and she might struggle with that.

Anyone who is jealous can go down the same path. There's nothing stopping you.

I think it's a shame we're not more open about finances in this country and it's nothing to do with manners. If we'd been more open, maybe the dreadful wage inequalities that are causing Birmingham Council so much trouble now wouldn't have happened in the first place and women employees would be treated better. If we were more open, perhaps people would have a better understanding of how to manage their money, what compound interest is, the importance of budgeting etc.

You aren’t really her friend.

Well, OP lit the fuse and off you all pop, bursting blood vessels.

It doesn't take much. It's quite amusing.

I reiterate the use of the term 'my friend'. ----

This @ArlJudey.

Your friend's partner has not long left her, a single mother of 4 children and you're feeling resentment towards her? Give your head a wobble.