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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop my son visiting his gfs parents property - serious concerns!

496 replies

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 17:34

Long and wild one.
Just don't know what to do.

For context we are married with 4 children, this subject is about our (just) 17 year old son.

My son has been in a relationship for 12 months with a girl who is 16. (He was 16 when they met, her 15.) From the beginning I felt there was an odd relationship with the mother being involved. For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate. Every other day I'd get messages from the mum with excuses why he needs to go to their house. Many times my son asked me to cover for him reasons for him not to go.

Recently my son collapsed and had a fit in street I was there and his gf. It is the first time anything like this has happened. Fast forward to a&e and I noticed the gf had phoned the mother and she arrived at the hospital.

I observed strange behavior - the mum n gf constantly taking him outside, whispering in his ear in a&e and when I became suspicious something is going on I tried to speak to my son but they came in closer. My husband tried to take him outside to talk and they both followed him!

Then the mother suggested I just get him seen by GP I said no he had a severe medical episode and it's not appropriate. Again she suggested it and I said no.

She proceeded to take him outside and said he's going to her house! I went after them pleading he needs medical attention, shouting for help and my husband got a police officer that was luckily there.

Officer thankfully said no he can't just abscond and he is a minor. After lots of talking they went away.

My sons results were abnormal and requires further tests and treatment.

I rang social services, I am in fear he is subject to emotional control/ cohesive behavior. I messaged the mother and stated that my son is not to go to her property.

She (the mum) messaged half of the family she found on social media, said how is he, tell him we will see him later, when is he coming over etc (my sons phone was broken at the time)

Later that day police attended to say there was a report from a third party that he is abused etc by me. my son quickly cleared it up and said it's just them causing trouble.

My son left some belongings at a friend's so we went to collect them, we were told by his friends parents that the gf and her mum have taken his stuff, the gf mum told them the police are getting my son and bringing them to her care!

I phoned my son's collage about his absence and was informed someone claimed to be me to ask if he was in college.

I am losing my mind. I mean what on earth! I phoned the police for help. At the moment I don't know what to do!

We are trying to talk to our son and give it a gentle approach.

I'm scared, having panic attacks and I have had to go of work (I'm a nurse) to deal with all this.
How bizzare is it tho? They don't even know us.
How can you report such evil things, especially them knowing I have a little boy at home!

This is a short version, I can't make sense of it

The police couldn't really do anything, social services I am ringing back tomorrow and I've flagged a serious safeguarding concern with his college.

My son said he won't go back to that house and agreed. But I don't know what I can do, he is 17.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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SafeguardingSocialWorker · 27/04/2025 17:43

Would he agree to apply for a non-molestation order?

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/64ff2a931886eb000d9770d0/FL401_0223_-_22pt.pdf

I doubt he would meet the criteria for it being made ex parte.

Also the police absolutely CAN act if what she is doing is harassment.

There's also malicious communications if she's sending messages on facebook/ WhatsApp etc.

Is he planning to continue with the relationship.

Are there any concerns that his fit may have been caused by substances/poisoning?

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/64ff2a931886eb000d9770d0/FL401_0223_-_22pt.pdf

MovingAlongNicely · 27/04/2025 17:46

How awful for you op!
I’m not sure I would’ve kept my cool with this woman.
Hopefully your son will realise he needs to stay away from these people.

KeyToTheCity · 27/04/2025 17:47

@SafeguardingSocialWorker
Are there any concerns that his fit may have been caused by substances/poisoning?

Was literally just coming on to post this. My first thought was that they were trying to cover up their own backs because of giving him some sort of drugs that she/they gave him and he reacted badly to.

NotSafeInTaxis · 27/04/2025 17:47

He needs to finish with the GF.

(It's seizure, not fit, btw)

Smartiepants79 · 27/04/2025 17:50

How extraordinarily weird.
What does your son think or want to happen because in the end, at his age, it’s going to come down to how he responds to the crazy.
Is he still wanting a relationship with the girlfriend? And where does she factor in al this? Her mum is nuts but is she party to it? Your son is no longer a child. If he chooses to go then no one is going to stop him or attempt to bring him back.

WeAreAllBucked · 27/04/2025 17:51

Omg that is just awful. What weird people. Agree with previous posters did they give him an illegal substance. You are doing all the right things to protect your son.

KeyToTheCity · 27/04/2025 17:52

Smartiepants79 · 27/04/2025 17:50

How extraordinarily weird.
What does your son think or want to happen because in the end, at his age, it’s going to come down to how he responds to the crazy.
Is he still wanting a relationship with the girlfriend? And where does she factor in al this? Her mum is nuts but is she party to it? Your son is no longer a child. If he chooses to go then no one is going to stop him or attempt to bring him back.

At 17, her son is still a child.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 27/04/2025 17:54

Is the Mum of the GF allowing him to stay over ( or encouraging this ) and letting them sleep together ?
Hope you have given him ALL the information re contraception, the last thing your DS needs is for the GF to get pregnant then he will be forever tied to this (quite barmy ) family .

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 17:56

When I approach the question about his gf he just keeps saying he just doesn't know. I'm treading very carefully!

I believe he only had some weed (he told the Dr) but also that it wasn't his first time.
The doctor didn't seem to think that was related.
He has been undergoing investigations for a while due to many symptoms he's been having this is the first time anything like that has happened.
I will look into an order I feel everything is escalating (this all happened in a space of few days)

I feel the mother would love nothing more than him to move in, I think it's something that they've been planning.

I got some screenshots of his gf last week about 17 year olds can move out etc.
It's bizzare the girl is still in school and to be fair she is bat shit crazy. But I've always kept my comments to myself and just be there to support and guide my son.

I want to shout at him... They've tried to hurt us (me directly) his little brother and my career. It's not normal and completely unfounded! If I'm guilty of anything it's not being firm enough!

OP posts:
CountFucula · 27/04/2025 17:57

Could they have /be supplying him with drugs? Is that a possibility?

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 17:59

KeyToTheCity · 27/04/2025 17:52

At 17, her son is still a child.

Yes. It's very difficult legally. The social worker I rang told me to utilize my parental rights as long as I can. Right now I know he can just walk if he wanted. So I'm treading very carefully and we are slowly getting progress with him talking about them. He hasn't seen either of them since it's only been days though. He agreed to stay at home whilst he is having these symptoms. (I think it scared him)

OP posts:
Phoebepeeby · 27/04/2025 17:59

Do they go to the same school? Are the school aware of everything?

GeorgianaM · 27/04/2025 18:00

Not just giving him drugs but they could be involving him in selling drugs.

He seems to have very low self esteem and is easily manipulated which makes him very vulnerable at being preyed on by people with an agenda.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 27/04/2025 18:00

Is he willing to break up with the gf? That would be the best and first step. Then send one message to the mother not to contact you or him ever again, or you’ll report her to the police for harassment. Then you (your son and the rest of your family/friends) block them both. Change his phone number etc.

Smartiepants79 · 27/04/2025 18:01

KeyToTheCity · 27/04/2025 17:52

At 17, her son is still a child.

Whilst this is technically true I’d be surprised if the police or any other authorities would be forcing a 17 year to return home against his will. Esp if he has somewhere ‘safe’ to stay and the people there are making it very clear they want him to stay.
If the son chooses to go and stay with the girlfriend then getting him back is going to be messy.
It sounds an unlikely outcome but the original post wasn’t very clear about where her son stood on the matter.
There was a long running thread on here last year with a mother in the same position. Her son essentially cut himself off. He sided with the girlfriend. There was nothing she could do.

JLou08 · 27/04/2025 18:01

It sounds like they could be exploiting him in some way, sexually or criminally. I really hope social services can help you safeguard him. They may have him on harder drugs than weed, he may also have threats looming over him that could pull him back. It's really important that he feels he can be honest with you. Let him know you won't be angry with anything he says but you need honesty from him to help him. Him saying he won't go back suggests he is ready to talk and move away from whatever has been going on with that family.

HuffleMyPuffle · 27/04/2025 18:01

Definitely sounds like they gave him something he reacted badly to...

Could you report the things they took from the friend's as stolen as they were taken under false pretences?

If she's also trying to impersonate you then I'd be ringing anyone "official" like GP etc to make it clear that this is what's happening and they are only to speak with you, perhaps try and set up a code word where you can to make sure its you and give a specific number you'll call from.

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:02

CountFucula · 27/04/2025 17:57

Could they have /be supplying him with drugs? Is that a possibility?

Wouldn't rule anything out at the moment.

My husband is thinking more stranger things then me.... He can't get out his head it's the mother after him!

OP posts:
Frazzledandfried · 27/04/2025 18:02

Gosh, this is terrifying! Nothing helpful to add, OP but I hope your son is OK and continues to choose to stay away from them.

fashionqueen0123 · 27/04/2025 18:03

I would also be worried they poisoned him in some way. The mother sounds crazy. You need some kind of order against her.

HuffleMyPuffle · 27/04/2025 18:03

I'd also be concerned they were trying to get him to get the girl pregnant so they could "ensnare" him

And that they might start claiming this is the case regardless of its true

Not to worry you more but just to make you aware of something to consider

JSMill · 27/04/2025 18:03

I do wonder if they have given him an illegal substance. Your ds and your family need to block these people on every method of communication ie phone, social media etc. Make sure the college is aware of everything. I think if you have a good relationship with any of your ds’s parents, I would reach and speak to them in case this woman tries to get to your ds through his friends. If she approaches any of your family, contact 101 and get it logged.

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:05

HuffleMyPuffle · 27/04/2025 18:01

Definitely sounds like they gave him something he reacted badly to...

Could you report the things they took from the friend's as stolen as they were taken under false pretences?

If she's also trying to impersonate you then I'd be ringing anyone "official" like GP etc to make it clear that this is what's happening and they are only to speak with you, perhaps try and set up a code word where you can to make sure its you and give a specific number you'll call from.

Yes I had an officer here this morning. Most he could do was phone her to tell her to bring it back!

OP posts:
KateShugakIsALegend · 27/04/2025 18:05

SafeguardingSocialWorker · 27/04/2025 17:43

Would he agree to apply for a non-molestation order?

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/64ff2a931886eb000d9770d0/FL401_0223_-_22pt.pdf

I doubt he would meet the criteria for it being made ex parte.

Also the police absolutely CAN act if what she is doing is harassment.

There's also malicious communications if she's sending messages on facebook/ WhatsApp etc.

Is he planning to continue with the relationship.

Are there any concerns that his fit may have been caused by substances/poisoning?

Yes, I wondered if he had been given something....

HuffleMyPuffle · 27/04/2025 18:05

Also, my first thought was some kind of cult rather than drugs