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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop my son visiting his gfs parents property - serious concerns!

496 replies

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 17:34

Long and wild one.
Just don't know what to do.

For context we are married with 4 children, this subject is about our (just) 17 year old son.

My son has been in a relationship for 12 months with a girl who is 16. (He was 16 when they met, her 15.) From the beginning I felt there was an odd relationship with the mother being involved. For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate. Every other day I'd get messages from the mum with excuses why he needs to go to their house. Many times my son asked me to cover for him reasons for him not to go.

Recently my son collapsed and had a fit in street I was there and his gf. It is the first time anything like this has happened. Fast forward to a&e and I noticed the gf had phoned the mother and she arrived at the hospital.

I observed strange behavior - the mum n gf constantly taking him outside, whispering in his ear in a&e and when I became suspicious something is going on I tried to speak to my son but they came in closer. My husband tried to take him outside to talk and they both followed him!

Then the mother suggested I just get him seen by GP I said no he had a severe medical episode and it's not appropriate. Again she suggested it and I said no.

She proceeded to take him outside and said he's going to her house! I went after them pleading he needs medical attention, shouting for help and my husband got a police officer that was luckily there.

Officer thankfully said no he can't just abscond and he is a minor. After lots of talking they went away.

My sons results were abnormal and requires further tests and treatment.

I rang social services, I am in fear he is subject to emotional control/ cohesive behavior. I messaged the mother and stated that my son is not to go to her property.

She (the mum) messaged half of the family she found on social media, said how is he, tell him we will see him later, when is he coming over etc (my sons phone was broken at the time)

Later that day police attended to say there was a report from a third party that he is abused etc by me. my son quickly cleared it up and said it's just them causing trouble.

My son left some belongings at a friend's so we went to collect them, we were told by his friends parents that the gf and her mum have taken his stuff, the gf mum told them the police are getting my son and bringing them to her care!

I phoned my son's collage about his absence and was informed someone claimed to be me to ask if he was in college.

I am losing my mind. I mean what on earth! I phoned the police for help. At the moment I don't know what to do!

We are trying to talk to our son and give it a gentle approach.

I'm scared, having panic attacks and I have had to go of work (I'm a nurse) to deal with all this.
How bizzare is it tho? They don't even know us.
How can you report such evil things, especially them knowing I have a little boy at home!

This is a short version, I can't make sense of it

The police couldn't really do anything, social services I am ringing back tomorrow and I've flagged a serious safeguarding concern with his college.

My son said he won't go back to that house and agreed. But I don't know what I can do, he is 17.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
ThatsGoingToHurt · 08/05/2025 07:21

@Lifeof6 is there any update. I hope you and your son are safe.

justasking111 · 08/05/2025 09:12

Now the police are involved and it sounds serious @Lifeof6 will be advised not to discuss on social media. Events have overtaken them, but I'm sure she's grateful for the advice and support given on here.

YourLoyalPlumOP · 08/05/2025 10:01

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 17:59

Yes. It's very difficult legally. The social worker I rang told me to utilize my parental rights as long as I can. Right now I know he can just walk if he wanted. So I'm treading very carefully and we are slowly getting progress with him talking about them. He hasn't seen either of them since it's only been days though. He agreed to stay at home whilst he is having these symptoms. (I think it scared him)

Did you ever find out what she was whispering to him outside?

YourLoyalPlumOP · 08/05/2025 10:04

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:40

He said he doesn't quite remember before. All he remembers was me screaming what has he taken and pulling his gf off him! But she initially refused as she knows first aid 🙄 so I was losing my shit at that point!

So what was she doing??

Honestly I feel for you. This is barshit crazy!!’

you’ve got this. Be that mama bear! ❤️

CaptainMyCaptain · 08/05/2025 11:25

justasking111 · 08/05/2025 09:12

Now the police are involved and it sounds serious @Lifeof6 will be advised not to discuss on social media. Events have overtaken them, but I'm sure she's grateful for the advice and support given on here.

This.

Ilikeadrink14 · 08/05/2025 15:54

justasking111 · 30/04/2025 13:30

Our family had something similar, brother, SIL her teenage daughter. Boyfriend she finishes with came to the home with a knife to kill them all. Was a five hour police siege. Thankfully he did go to prison

That’s mind-blowing! I am so glad you are all ok, but it must be terrifying to think about how things might have gone,

Dadgivingup · 10/05/2025 20:48

Have they had sex yet? What about sex with the mum (100% legal and acceptable at his age.

Lifeof6 · 24/05/2025 18:39

Just wanted to update you all. Thank you for the replies ❤️

The letter was the final straw for us. Had recommendations and suggestions to hurt us, bury our bodies etc.
Police have the letter.

He has been home this whole time! Thankfully and happy to be here.
He is continuing with college and the support from them have been the best!

Safeguarding at college told me they were getting almost daily calls, accusations about me mainly.
They told me she applied to the college and that they've blocked / rejected the application! There were other concerns apparently which she could not disclose to me but stated her own school recommended that she does not attend the same college.

That was a wonderful relief!

He has regular check ins with safeguarding at the college and an assistant teacher buddy.

He has completely blocked all communications with the family and I know he hasn't been.

He has had follow up from the seizure in the neuro clinic and he has just had an MR head.
We have acknowledgement from cardiology which they said in the next week we should have an appointment.

Otherwise he is doing ok.

I am extremely lucky, I know this could have gone a very different path.

Phoning every possible service/ support and shouting from the rooftops for help is what made the difference here.
Social services, police, safeguarding NHS, safeguarding college, early help etc put a wall up around my son, for that I will be forever grateful!

OP posts:
WearyAuldWumman · 24/05/2025 18:47

Thank you so much for the update. I'm pleased and relieved that the college is on the ball.

rulerofthepencils · 24/05/2025 18:48

That is a brilliant update and all those separate services helping to protect your child is reassuring that this was serious. College sound amazing, I am glad he is getting support through this.

salcombebabe · 24/05/2025 18:51

I've not posted on this before but have read it all. I'm so happy that your son is home and being protected so well by these agencies!

As for the ex gf and family - there are some very very weird and dangerous people about these days. I hope none of them are ever in contact with you and your family again!

grumpygrape · 24/05/2025 18:56

Just to echo previous post. 😊

JSMill · 24/05/2025 19:01

Lifeof6 · 24/05/2025 18:39

Just wanted to update you all. Thank you for the replies ❤️

The letter was the final straw for us. Had recommendations and suggestions to hurt us, bury our bodies etc.
Police have the letter.

He has been home this whole time! Thankfully and happy to be here.
He is continuing with college and the support from them have been the best!

Safeguarding at college told me they were getting almost daily calls, accusations about me mainly.
They told me she applied to the college and that they've blocked / rejected the application! There were other concerns apparently which she could not disclose to me but stated her own school recommended that she does not attend the same college.

That was a wonderful relief!

He has regular check ins with safeguarding at the college and an assistant teacher buddy.

He has completely blocked all communications with the family and I know he hasn't been.

He has had follow up from the seizure in the neuro clinic and he has just had an MR head.
We have acknowledgement from cardiology which they said in the next week we should have an appointment.

Otherwise he is doing ok.

I am extremely lucky, I know this could have gone a very different path.

Phoning every possible service/ support and shouting from the rooftops for help is what made the difference here.
Social services, police, safeguarding NHS, safeguarding college, early help etc put a wall up around my son, for that I will be forever grateful!

Glad to hear your news. This must have been an incredibly stressful time for you. Look after yourself. Sending hugs xx

CalicoPusscat · 24/05/2025 19:05

That all sounded really intense, glad you're all through it now

BookArt55 · 24/05/2025 19:12

So happy to hear all of the support your family received and that is has worked out for the best. Such a worrying time for you!!

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 24/05/2025 19:16

Great update in that your son is safe now.
It is great the college have been so pro-active.
The letter? It’s not even odd or strange it’s absolutely batshit. I’m not sure who is more unhinged, the daughter or her parents.
Not your problem now, thank God.

BrickJoker · 24/05/2025 19:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ProudCat · 24/05/2025 19:52

Well done, Mamma Bear. Your cub is safe with you.

Alifemoreordinary123 · 24/05/2025 19:53

I’ve wondered about you and really appreciate the update. Well done you and the wider support network for building a wall so high she’ll never get through. Truly terrifying and i hope you all get some support to process this. That family sound completely unhinged and dangerous

Boreded · 24/05/2025 19:57

Lifeof6 · 24/05/2025 18:39

Just wanted to update you all. Thank you for the replies ❤️

The letter was the final straw for us. Had recommendations and suggestions to hurt us, bury our bodies etc.
Police have the letter.

He has been home this whole time! Thankfully and happy to be here.
He is continuing with college and the support from them have been the best!

Safeguarding at college told me they were getting almost daily calls, accusations about me mainly.
They told me she applied to the college and that they've blocked / rejected the application! There were other concerns apparently which she could not disclose to me but stated her own school recommended that she does not attend the same college.

That was a wonderful relief!

He has regular check ins with safeguarding at the college and an assistant teacher buddy.

He has completely blocked all communications with the family and I know he hasn't been.

He has had follow up from the seizure in the neuro clinic and he has just had an MR head.
We have acknowledgement from cardiology which they said in the next week we should have an appointment.

Otherwise he is doing ok.

I am extremely lucky, I know this could have gone a very different path.

Phoning every possible service/ support and shouting from the rooftops for help is what made the difference here.
Social services, police, safeguarding NHS, safeguarding college, early help etc put a wall up around my son, for that I will be forever grateful!

I’m not sure if I’ve ever been so happy to see an update as on this one.

glad he is home.

BreatheAndFocus · 24/05/2025 20:20

Brilliant news! I read this thread at the time and the whole situation sounded really worrying. I’m so pleased to read your update. Wishing you all the best x

Franklyyes · 24/05/2025 20:44

So good the college were protecting your son and had been inundated with comms from the family/girl. You have been amazing with such a stressful situation

Topjoe19 · 24/05/2025 20:56

You are so strong, such a good protective mum. I hope everything looks up from here, what an awful time you've all been through. All the best OP.

HeyCooper · 24/05/2025 20:59

This is great to hear!

LoveTheLake525 · 24/05/2025 21:43

I'm so glad all the various agencies etc have put a protective wall around you & that your DS seems to be doing the right things.

stay safe 💙

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