To stop my son visiting his gfs parents property - serious concerns!

[Lifeof6]

Long and wild one.
Just don't know what to do.

For context we are married with 4 children, this subject is about our (just) 17 year old son.

My son has been in a relationship for 12 months with a girl who is 16. (He was 16 when they met, her 15.) From the beginning I felt there was an odd relationship with the mother being involved. For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate. Every other day I'd get messages from the mum with excuses why he needs to go to their house. Many times my son asked me to cover for him reasons for him not to go.

Recently my son collapsed and had a fit in street I was there and his gf. It is the first time anything like this has happened. Fast forward to a&e and I noticed the gf had phoned the mother and she arrived at the hospital.

I observed strange behavior - the mum n gf constantly taking him outside, whispering in his ear in a&e and when I became suspicious something is going on I tried to speak to my son but they came in closer. My husband tried to take him outside to talk and they both followed him!

Then the mother suggested I just get him seen by GP I said no he had a severe medical episode and it's not appropriate. Again she suggested it and I said no.

She proceeded to take him outside and said he's going to her house! I went after them pleading he needs medical attention, shouting for help and my husband got a police officer that was luckily there.

Officer thankfully said no he can't just abscond and he is a minor. After lots of talking they went away.

My sons results were abnormal and requires further tests and treatment.

I rang social services, I am in fear he is subject to emotional control/ cohesive behavior. I messaged the mother and stated that my son is not to go to her property.

She (the mum) messaged half of the family she found on social media, said how is he, tell him we will see him later, when is he coming over etc (my sons phone was broken at the time)

Later that day police attended to say there was a report from a third party that he is abused etc by me. my son quickly cleared it up and said it's just them causing trouble.

My son left some belongings at a friend's so we went to collect them, we were told by his friends parents that the gf and her mum have taken his stuff, the gf mum told them the police are getting my son and bringing them to her care!

I phoned my son's collage about his absence and was informed someone claimed to be me to ask if he was in college.

I am losing my mind. I mean what on earth! I phoned the police for help. At the moment I don't know what to do!

We are trying to talk to our son and give it a gentle approach.

I'm scared, having panic attacks and I have had to go of work (I'm a nurse) to deal with all this.
How bizzare is it tho? They don't even know us.
How can you report such evil things, especially them knowing I have a little boy at home!

This is a short version, I can't make sense of it

The police couldn't really do anything, social services I am ringing back tomorrow and I've flagged a serious safeguarding concern with his college.

My son said he won't go back to that house and agreed. But I don't know what I can do, he is 17.

Can he throw any light on it? I ask because weirdly something similar happened to our family with my brother although he was quite a bit older than your son. He
moved to London and met a girlfriend and I don’t know what happened, whether it was some kind of mental health crisis or if he was trying to make himself seem more interesting to his new partner but he invented a whole history of abuse for himself going back to his childhood, made out my parents was dangerous and had been violent to us both etc, told her my children were adopted (they aren’t!) all kinds of wild things. We only realised when he ended up in hospital for an unrelated medical matter and his girlfriend was shocked that we had come to see him (as he had told her we were no contact) and was hesitant to let us in. Obviously we had no clue what she was playing at, it was the strangest thing and it later came out little by little. But what I’m trying to say is these ideas have come from somewhere, whether your son or the girlfriend. It’s not normal behaviour

I'd be asking your son if he's ever had any other kinds of 'seizure' or similar when you've not been around.
This may not be the first one, and you don't know about it.
Well done on trying to protect your family. You are doing everything you can. Wishing you all well, and a way out of this nightmare.

What an absolute nightmare. It does seem very suspicious. Even without your ds's health issues there is something not right about the dynamic, but the health problems adds a sinister element.

My son has no phone during the time the police had a report. His friends mum told me the gfs mother rang her for his things as they've had to call the police he is being abused and they needed his stuff as the police said he can go in her care

oh god OP it sounds DS awful, I keep coming back to back to why does she want him in her house and drugs and video cams are where my mind is going - hope the agencies can help you sever this “take over” of your DS

I'd send a cease and desist letter from a solicitor and apply for a restaining order for both of them.

You need to tell the school what this woman is doing so safeguarding and social services can start to investigate the family. Basically you need to throw heat in her direction and get as many agencies involved as possible. People like this thrive on secrecy so you need to throw sunlight on it.

Sorry, just posted but this is so disturbing I just had another thought based on the fact she was refusing to move out the way because she knows first aid despite the fact you’re a nurse right? That’s insanity or fear or some crazy control thing but it’s not normal. See if you can find any cctv of this event. And ask the police for cctv from the hospital when your son was there to prove how long they were there, including the dad sitting there for 5 hours?!

my first thought too

This is so bizarre. You are right to be concerned, but seem to be doing all the right things (contacting social services, police, college safeguarding etc).

I've read through your responses, but can't see much about what your son has said about his relationship with gf. How does he feel about her? What do they do together? Do they have mutual friends? In other words, does HE think they have a healthy relationship? I would like to be sure that he is onside with you trying to keep them apart.

One of your posts mentions closeness to his older brother. It's a big ask, but in the nicest possible way, I would consider exploiting this if your 18-year-old is mature enough and willing you help you out. Perhaps he can have more direct and frank discussions with your 17-year-old to try and get to the bottom of what's happening here, and how he honestly feels about the situation.

I wish you all the best with this very strange situation!

😮 awful, they're behaving really badly

Someone is going to know about this family. I’d get as much info about them as possible so you know what you’re going to be dealing with. You don’t harass your 16 yr old DD’s BF’s parents to let him stay overnight without having a reputation.

Bouncers are a bit notorious for having connections with criminals (NABALT)/using it as a cover. I’d be concerned they’re a crim fam a they’re going to be getting your DS involved in some serious illegal stuff. Even if they’re not, being in a relationship like this at that young an age can be really damaging.

Find “that person” at school who knows everything about everyone and ask about them. In fact, if you’re a nurse, anyone you work with likely to have come across them? Maybe A&E for injuries? Keep reporting everything to the police (like how she’s stolen your son’s possessions and made false reports about you). She doesn’t sound like the sort of person to quietly go away so expect full on batshittery.

This is so weird why do they want him to be at there house,so even when they first got together the mother harassed you to let him stay over.Really hope you get to the bottom of this.

I would read @NoThankYouSis post again, OP.

Because this is the most likely explanation and also explains why your son is being less than open with you about what exactly led up to this happening.

This is so fucked up. I'm sorry OP I don't really have any advice but I'm thinking of you. I have teens about the same age, I'd be so worried.

Does she go to the same college as him? What do his friends think of her? Ideally they and his brother will talk sense into him - he's more likely to listen to them than adults, unfortunately. I think you need to speak to a solicitor asap to find out your options.

I was also reminded of the Aussie thread when I read your OP. In the end, I think the gf dumped the son, ironically.

It sounds like they’ve given him something that’s caused the seizure and that’s why they wanted him away from any medical care.

When I worked as a childrens social worker we would come across people like the gf's mother - a desperation to care for other people's kids, even though they barely look after their own. People would, just like you've done, call in and ask for help as their teenager had been persuaded to move in with the other family and it had turned into a shit show.
Its like a horrible attachment behaviour

I would actually be knocking on this woman’s door and try and get to the bottom of it. The only rational explanation is that she thinks she is doing the right thing. See if you can get her to find out why.

This is what I was thinking too.

I'm sorry, OP, this sounds like a very scary and strange situation.

you are so not unreasonable in this it’s insane. Actually it’d be a safeguarding issue if you let him go!!

If it was the other way round, I’d suggest contacting Woman’s Aid as they’ve been fantastic help with a friend of mine.

Google has given me this as an option for men which might be worth a call https://mensadviceline.org.uk
And this https://mankind.org.uk/help-for-victims/is-a-man-you-know-a-victim-spotting-the-signs/#:~:text=Tell%20the%20person%20that%20you,controlling%20and%20manipulating%20their%20victims.

Poor you.
I'm enraged on your behalf.
She would have only tried this nonsense once with me.

Why? What would you do? What can you advise the OP to do?

It sounds very likely that your son has been telling his gf/ her parents that he has problems with you/ in his home life possibly so he can get sympathy/ spend more time with her at her house where they have more freedom and they are the type of people who love drama and are generally trouble.
I think you need to sit your son down, explain to him in plain terms the seriousness of their actions and what the repercussions could be for you all, tell him to either end the relationship and cut contact with the entire family or he can leave your home.
I’ve seen this kind of situation play out a number of times over the years and the worst thing to do is feed into it.