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AIBU?

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Original poster

To stop my son visiting his gfs parents property - serious concerns!

496 replies

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 17:34

Long and wild one.
Just don't know what to do.

For context we are married with 4 children, this subject is about our (just) 17 year old son.

My son has been in a relationship for 12 months with a girl who is 16. (He was 16 when they met, her 15.) From the beginning I felt there was an odd relationship with the mother being involved. For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate. Every other day I'd get messages from the mum with excuses why he needs to go to their house. Many times my son asked me to cover for him reasons for him not to go.

Recently my son collapsed and had a fit in street I was there and his gf. It is the first time anything like this has happened. Fast forward to a&e and I noticed the gf had phoned the mother and she arrived at the hospital.

I observed strange behavior - the mum n gf constantly taking him outside, whispering in his ear in a&e and when I became suspicious something is going on I tried to speak to my son but they came in closer. My husband tried to take him outside to talk and they both followed him!

Then the mother suggested I just get him seen by GP I said no he had a severe medical episode and it's not appropriate. Again she suggested it and I said no.

She proceeded to take him outside and said he's going to her house! I went after them pleading he needs medical attention, shouting for help and my husband got a police officer that was luckily there.

Officer thankfully said no he can't just abscond and he is a minor. After lots of talking they went away.

My sons results were abnormal and requires further tests and treatment.

I rang social services, I am in fear he is subject to emotional control/ cohesive behavior. I messaged the mother and stated that my son is not to go to her property.

She (the mum) messaged half of the family she found on social media, said how is he, tell him we will see him later, when is he coming over etc (my sons phone was broken at the time)

Later that day police attended to say there was a report from a third party that he is abused etc by me. my son quickly cleared it up and said it's just them causing trouble.

My son left some belongings at a friend's so we went to collect them, we were told by his friends parents that the gf and her mum have taken his stuff, the gf mum told them the police are getting my son and bringing them to her care!

I phoned my son's collage about his absence and was informed someone claimed to be me to ask if he was in college.

I am losing my mind. I mean what on earth! I phoned the police for help. At the moment I don't know what to do!

We are trying to talk to our son and give it a gentle approach.

I'm scared, having panic attacks and I have had to go of work (I'm a nurse) to deal with all this.
How bizzare is it tho? They don't even know us.
How can you report such evil things, especially them knowing I have a little boy at home!

This is a short version, I can't make sense of it

The police couldn't really do anything, social services I am ringing back tomorrow and I've flagged a serious safeguarding concern with his college.

My son said he won't go back to that house and agreed. But I don't know what I can do, he is 17.

OP posts:
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Original poster
Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:40

Notknots · 27/04/2025 18:38

@Lifeof6 It definitely sounds like they've given him drugs, potentially laced a joint with something or even spiked a drink. How's his memory of events leading up to the seizure?

Edited

He said he doesn't quite remember before. All he remembers was me screaming what has he taken and pulling his gf off him! But she initially refused as she knows first aid 🙄 so I was losing my shit at that point!

OP posts:
ScoobyDoesnt · 27/04/2025 18:40

Dearover · 27/04/2025 18:39

She popped up on a "I wonder what happened..." thread last week under a different name. Her DS broke up with the GF and eventually built up his confidence again

Show quote history

Oh thank you - that’s brilliant to hear!

Moveoverdarlin · 27/04/2025 18:42

For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate.

This is in itself very odd. Why would a mother hound another Mum gagging for her 15 year old daughter to have a boy stay over. Most would be doing their utmost to avoid this. I would tell the Police and SS the entire background. Something very sinister is happening here. I wouldn’t let him out of my sight. After he is better can you take him away? I would. Go on holiday as a family and distance yourself from these nut cases.

outerspacepotato · 27/04/2025 18:43

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:38

But his ecg was abnormal too! So on top of worrying sick about his health the crazies decided to create false reports and make my life hell!

Stimulants can cause cardiac arrhythmias.

Things like cocaine, meth, even some meds used to treat ADHD.

Horses7 · 27/04/2025 18:43

This sounds awful - hope you manage to sort it very soon. It sounds like his older brother will be the best help to get 17 year old to see sense.

Original poster
Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:45

Moveoverdarlin · 27/04/2025 18:42

For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate.

This is in itself very odd. Why would a mother hound another Mum gagging for her 15 year old daughter to have a boy stay over. Most would be doing their utmost to avoid this. I would tell the Police and SS the entire background. Something very sinister is happening here. I wouldn’t let him out of my sight. After he is better can you take him away? I would. Go on holiday as a family and distance yourself from these nut cases.

I've done exactly that told them the whole scenario.
I asked the police for a care plan and I will keep logging anything that crops up.
I'm gonna ring social services again tomorrow but I felt like she just offered advise I was already doing. I need real support, them in my home and speaking to my son too, that's what I want.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:47

I agree it could be them supplying drugs. I'm gonna find a way to approach this.. maybe his older brother would be best.

OP posts:
HariboFan5367 · 27/04/2025 18:47

Smartiepants79 · 27/04/2025 17:50

How extraordinarily weird.
What does your son think or want to happen because in the end, at his age, it’s going to come down to how he responds to the crazy.
Is he still wanting a relationship with the girlfriend? And where does she factor in al this? Her mum is nuts but is she party to it? Your son is no longer a child. If he chooses to go then no one is going to stop him or attempt to bring him back.

The girlfriend will likely always have a relationship with the mother so the son needs to sever ties permanently

BangersAndGnash · 27/04/2025 18:51

What a disturbing situation.

I know you have said you have to tread carefully.

I think I would calmly tell your Ds that none of this is his fault, at all, and it must be very upsetting for him if he cares about his gf.

However, the Mum has… and list as facts without comment the list of things she has done, list all the people she has contacted individually….

Ask if she has some sort of hold over him or if he feels afraid. Say you do not think this behaviour is safe, her pretending to you to college and making false allegations are criminal acts and she could become dangerous for him but whatever happens you will back him, protect him and stand up for him while he sets himself free.

JudgeJ · 27/04/2025 18:52

AliceMcK · 27/04/2025 18:19

It was on here (MN) but I think MN deleted it or at least part of it. From memory the mother came back with a quick update to say they had made some headway in separating the son.

Show quote history

If I remember correctly the Australian case went on for ages and ages before it was resolved, not what the OP may need to hear though.

I would be looking at setting up a new email address for dealing with college etc and even a new phone number.

Outrageistheopiateofthemasses · 27/04/2025 18:52

Is the girlfriend's mother a drug dealer? Would he tell you if he had been taking anything?

Simplestars · 27/04/2025 18:55

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 17:34

Long and wild one.
Just don't know what to do.

For context we are married with 4 children, this subject is about our (just) 17 year old son.

My son has been in a relationship for 12 months with a girl who is 16. (He was 16 when they met, her 15.) From the beginning I felt there was an odd relationship with the mother being involved. For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate. Every other day I'd get messages from the mum with excuses why he needs to go to their house. Many times my son asked me to cover for him reasons for him not to go.

Recently my son collapsed and had a fit in street I was there and his gf. It is the first time anything like this has happened. Fast forward to a&e and I noticed the gf had phoned the mother and she arrived at the hospital.

I observed strange behavior - the mum n gf constantly taking him outside, whispering in his ear in a&e and when I became suspicious something is going on I tried to speak to my son but they came in closer. My husband tried to take him outside to talk and they both followed him!

Then the mother suggested I just get him seen by GP I said no he had a severe medical episode and it's not appropriate. Again she suggested it and I said no.

She proceeded to take him outside and said he's going to her house! I went after them pleading he needs medical attention, shouting for help and my husband got a police officer that was luckily there.

Officer thankfully said no he can't just abscond and he is a minor. After lots of talking they went away.

My sons results were abnormal and requires further tests and treatment.

I rang social services, I am in fear he is subject to emotional control/ cohesive behavior. I messaged the mother and stated that my son is not to go to her property.

She (the mum) messaged half of the family she found on social media, said how is he, tell him we will see him later, when is he coming over etc (my sons phone was broken at the time)

Later that day police attended to say there was a report from a third party that he is abused etc by me. my son quickly cleared it up and said it's just them causing trouble.

My son left some belongings at a friend's so we went to collect them, we were told by his friends parents that the gf and her mum have taken his stuff, the gf mum told them the police are getting my son and bringing them to her care!

I phoned my son's collage about his absence and was informed someone claimed to be me to ask if he was in college.

I am losing my mind. I mean what on earth! I phoned the police for help. At the moment I don't know what to do!

We are trying to talk to our son and give it a gentle approach.

I'm scared, having panic attacks and I have had to go of work (I'm a nurse) to deal with all this.
How bizzare is it tho? They don't even know us.
How can you report such evil things, especially them knowing I have a little boy at home!

This is a short version, I can't make sense of it

The police couldn't really do anything, social services I am ringing back tomorrow and I've flagged a serious safeguarding concern with his college.

My son said he won't go back to that house and agreed. But I don't know what I can do, he is 17.

Options

Change son phone.
M9ve from there.
get a surveillance person to watch and do research on this family.
Get someone big and scary to have a word to tell her to stay away.
Inform police
Inform college
All of friends contacts neighbours and family about this woman.

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 27/04/2025 18:57

This is so strange. What an absolute weirdo the girl's mother is. I have my fingers crossed for you. Being open with the college, police, etc is definitely the way to go.

Simplestars · 27/04/2025 18:58

@Lifeof6 how did you manage to not knock this woman out?

Newyorklady · 27/04/2025 18:58

They sound extremely unstable.
Get your son out of the relationship if you can, it will only get worse.
Her family sound like nutters.

itsgettingweird · 27/04/2025 18:59

Another wondering if they gave him a substance.

Not feeling right the past few days could be withdrawal symptoms.

Other than that you can only do what you’re doing. Kept note of everything. Day, date, phone calls, what was reported etc, Email college to confirm that on x date you rang and they informed you girls parents rang and said x. Make sure ds or you have text from friends family to confirm that GF mum came and collected his stuff. Get a ref. Umber from police for anything reported.

absolutely ask about a non mol order.

Hopefully your ds will have been shaken up by the incident enough that he won’t go back there. Most 17yo can be swept up by situations but watching his GF mum trying t8 take him home from an and e when his parents were there will hopefully have raised red flags of his own.

sorryyoure going through this .

RealEagle · 27/04/2025 18:59

Try to get him to open up to his brother .

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 27/04/2025 19:00

I wonder if the parents are grooming him for some kind of illegal activity.

NewTrainersNew · 27/04/2025 19:01

Blimey. Well done for safeguarding your son so well OP. That sounds so hard.

Devonshiregal · 27/04/2025 19:04

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 17:56

When I approach the question about his gf he just keeps saying he just doesn't know. I'm treading very carefully!

I believe he only had some weed (he told the Dr) but also that it wasn't his first time.
The doctor didn't seem to think that was related.
He has been undergoing investigations for a while due to many symptoms he's been having this is the first time anything like that has happened.
I will look into an order I feel everything is escalating (this all happened in a space of few days)

I feel the mother would love nothing more than him to move in, I think it's something that they've been planning.

I got some screenshots of his gf last week about 17 year olds can move out etc.
It's bizzare the girl is still in school and to be fair she is bat shit crazy. But I've always kept my comments to myself and just be there to support and guide my son.

I want to shout at him... They've tried to hurt us (me directly) his little brother and my career. It's not normal and completely unfounded! If I'm guilty of anything it's not being firm enough!

How have they tried to hurt your younger kid and you? Physically? Emotionally? These things would give more context - right now clearly she’s batshit but talking to her daughter, talking to your son, it’s not much to go on. The calling the school is obviously bizarre - you should get a statement from them and ask for the phone log to see if their number was used (if poss!) and the collecting clothes???? You need to gather all messages from people they’ve inappropriately contacted.

I think posters here are on to something with the poisoning thing and you should get him a full blood toxicity thing (you’re a nurse so I’m sure you know more than me what would show something up) immediately if his seizure was recently? it sounds crazy but clearly they are - I actually know people who were poisoned (with immediate effect rather than long term slow poisoning tbf) by other people close to them.

Can you go away with him? Like away for some time? A month or more? Is he “in love” with the girl? He is being very reasonable by not going back to their house for someone young and in love if so.. you need to gather all the messages from the girlfriend to him which are crazy.

Cherryicecreamx · 27/04/2025 19:04

The best thing you can do is get him to see how toxic this relationship is so doesn't want to go back. Once he has decided this, there are legal things you can put in place if they continue. Coercion is the worst because even if you can see what's happening you can hardly do anything about it.
If you can, bring up a conversation getting him to question why would they report false allegations against you if they haven't got some motive under it all? It's bizzare.. and terrifying.

TheAppledoesnt · 27/04/2025 19:07

Poisoning him
drugging him and sexually abusing him
Recording him - think of the French case

all sounds incredibly weird.

but I also think it’s weird you don’t point out to your son just how fucking weird it is.

Original poster
Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 19:09

Simplestars · 27/04/2025 18:58

@Lifeof6 how did you manage to not knock this woman out?

I was ready to jump in front of the car and loose my career, and I'm forever thankful a police officer was already there and completely put them down. I think she saw the fear in my eyes that I'd probably never of seen him again

OP posts:
ZepherinDrouhin · 27/04/2025 19:09

Can you mention it to the school's safeguarding officer and maybe they can monitor the situation with the girl in school? I'd approach it from the angle that the girl is being controlled & manipulated by the mother. Also mention that you suspect the mother is supplying her dd with illegal substances. That might get you somewhere because unfortunately they're more likely to believe a woman/girl in danger than a boy/ man.

Original poster
Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 19:11

TheAppledoesnt · 27/04/2025 19:07

Poisoning him
drugging him and sexually abusing him
Recording him - think of the French case

all sounds incredibly weird.

but I also think it’s weird you don’t point out to your son just how fucking weird it is.

Believe me we have.
He agreed it's weird and I said you now need to make adult choices. He just shuts down when I push further.
He has a big family aunts, uncles, grandparents etc. All have been here at some point and given him thwir opinions

OP posts: