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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop my son visiting his gfs parents property - serious concerns!

496 replies

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 17:34

Long and wild one.
Just don't know what to do.

For context we are married with 4 children, this subject is about our (just) 17 year old son.

My son has been in a relationship for 12 months with a girl who is 16. (He was 16 when they met, her 15.) From the beginning I felt there was an odd relationship with the mother being involved. For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate. Every other day I'd get messages from the mum with excuses why he needs to go to their house. Many times my son asked me to cover for him reasons for him not to go.

Recently my son collapsed and had a fit in street I was there and his gf. It is the first time anything like this has happened. Fast forward to a&e and I noticed the gf had phoned the mother and she arrived at the hospital.

I observed strange behavior - the mum n gf constantly taking him outside, whispering in his ear in a&e and when I became suspicious something is going on I tried to speak to my son but they came in closer. My husband tried to take him outside to talk and they both followed him!

Then the mother suggested I just get him seen by GP I said no he had a severe medical episode and it's not appropriate. Again she suggested it and I said no.

She proceeded to take him outside and said he's going to her house! I went after them pleading he needs medical attention, shouting for help and my husband got a police officer that was luckily there.

Officer thankfully said no he can't just abscond and he is a minor. After lots of talking they went away.

My sons results were abnormal and requires further tests and treatment.

I rang social services, I am in fear he is subject to emotional control/ cohesive behavior. I messaged the mother and stated that my son is not to go to her property.

She (the mum) messaged half of the family she found on social media, said how is he, tell him we will see him later, when is he coming over etc (my sons phone was broken at the time)

Later that day police attended to say there was a report from a third party that he is abused etc by me. my son quickly cleared it up and said it's just them causing trouble.

My son left some belongings at a friend's so we went to collect them, we were told by his friends parents that the gf and her mum have taken his stuff, the gf mum told them the police are getting my son and bringing them to her care!

I phoned my son's collage about his absence and was informed someone claimed to be me to ask if he was in college.

I am losing my mind. I mean what on earth! I phoned the police for help. At the moment I don't know what to do!

We are trying to talk to our son and give it a gentle approach.

I'm scared, having panic attacks and I have had to go of work (I'm a nurse) to deal with all this.
How bizzare is it tho? They don't even know us.
How can you report such evil things, especially them knowing I have a little boy at home!

This is a short version, I can't make sense of it

The police couldn't really do anything, social services I am ringing back tomorrow and I've flagged a serious safeguarding concern with his college.

My son said he won't go back to that house and agreed. But I don't know what I can do, he is 17.

OP posts:
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outerspacepotato · 27/04/2025 18:05

I'd suspect drug use the way the mother tried to keep him from accessing medical attention for a seizure. Did they do a tox screen?

One thing you need to do ASAP is password protect things like his school, anything financial, and medical access if he agrees.

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:07

JSMill · 27/04/2025 18:03

I do wonder if they have given him an illegal substance. Your ds and your family need to block these people on every method of communication ie phone, social media etc. Make sure the college is aware of everything. I think if you have a good relationship with any of your ds’s parents, I would reach and speak to them in case this woman tries to get to your ds through his friends. If she approaches any of your family, contact 101 and get it logged.

She already tried getting via his friends. (And their parents)
Yesterday she rang one to tell them how abusive I am etc and how my son is going to her care! Absolute nutter!
I have a meeting with safeguarding team tomorrow at college and appointment with GP.

OP posts:
SnoozingFox · 27/04/2025 18:07

This sounds like a very long-running thread by an (Australian?) mumsnetter whose son was caught up in a very toxic relationship with a batshit crazy girl and her equally batshit crazy parentrs. I'm not sure what forum it was on but she had a lot of good advice and shared what worked and didn;t work for her family.

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:08

SnoozingFox · 27/04/2025 18:07

This sounds like a very long-running thread by an (Australian?) mumsnetter whose son was caught up in a very toxic relationship with a batshit crazy girl and her equally batshit crazy parentrs. I'm not sure what forum it was on but she had a lot of good advice and shared what worked and didn;t work for her family.

I'll have a look for that! Thanks

OP posts:
Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:09

outerspacepotato · 27/04/2025 18:05

I'd suspect drug use the way the mother tried to keep him from accessing medical attention for a seizure. Did they do a tox screen?

One thing you need to do ASAP is password protect things like his school, anything financial, and medical access if he agrees.

Edited

Yes I believe so I did say he had eariler been with friends so anything is possible! I just wanted them to check for everything

OP posts:
HeyCooper · 27/04/2025 18:10

Have you spelled out to your son the damage they could have done to your career and how this puts the whole families well-being in jeopardy including young brother and having a roof over your head.

Notsosure1 · 27/04/2025 18:10

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 27/04/2025 17:54

Is the Mum of the GF allowing him to stay over ( or encouraging this ) and letting them sleep together ?
Hope you have given him ALL the information re contraception, the last thing your DS needs is for the GF to get pregnant then he will be forever tied to this (quite barmy ) family .

That’s obviously what the mum and gf want - for whatever reasons- terrifying.

OP, arrange a password with his college so they know it is you they are speaking to on the phone - do this in person - asap! And check they have the correct email address and mobile number for you - tell them if someone says it is you and they have banned contact details they need to contact you on the ones you gave them immediately as it will be her.

Phoebepeeby · 27/04/2025 18:10

I have a meeting with safeguarding team tomorrow at college and appointment with GP.

Make sure that they take into account that he is especially vulnerable at the moment.

What do his friends think?
Does he have an older male role model that can support him? Not his father.

Notsosure1 · 27/04/2025 18:11

You should also probably arrange a special safe word with your son he can text quickly or say on the phone if he happens to be with them again and they are monitoring him

justkeepswimingswiming · 27/04/2025 18:13

sounds like some weird cult.
he needs to finish with the girlfriend, and get a restraining order against the pair of them. They sound very dangerous.

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:13

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 27/04/2025 18:00

Is he willing to break up with the gf? That would be the best and first step. Then send one message to the mother not to contact you or him ever again, or you’ll report her to the police for harassment. Then you (your son and the rest of your family/friends) block them both. Change his phone number etc.

Yes that is what I hope he will eventually do.
I already told the mother he is not to go to her property and that I had raised a serious safeguarding concern about her. And to not contact him or my family.

OP posts:
WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 27/04/2025 18:13

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:13

Yes that is what I hope he will eventually do.
I already told the mother he is not to go to her property and that I had raised a serious safeguarding concern about her. And to not contact him or my family.

But what did he actually say about it? Does he want to continue to see her or not?

Mischance · 27/04/2025 18:13

How utterly bizarre and random - what a terrible worry for you all. I hope the meeting decides some things that sort this out for you. Certainly any services/school etc. need to be aware that this is happening so they do not engage with this nutty woman.

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:15

Phoebepeeby · 27/04/2025 18:10

I have a meeting with safeguarding team tomorrow at college and appointment with GP.

Make sure that they take into account that he is especially vulnerable at the moment.

What do his friends think?
Does he have an older male role model that can support him? Not his father.

He has an older brother 18. And he gave him straight advice (what I wish I could say) and he laughed with him and had a good long chat together last night. He looks up to him.

Honestly I can't process what has happened so I can't imagine how a 17 year old is.

OP posts:
AliceMcK · 27/04/2025 18:16

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:02

Wouldn't rule anything out at the moment.

My husband is thinking more stranger things then me.... He can't get out his head it's the mother after him!

Please don’t rule this out. My cousin was seduced by his girlfriend’s mother around this age, she got pregnant and had so much control over my cousin, alienating him from the rest of the family. He was very messed up and abused for years. He’s in his 50s now, it’s taken him over a decade to get his life back together.

The whole thing sounds just as messed up. Use what ever tools you can, right now being safe at home with a qualified nurse to keep an eye on him is an excellent reason for him to stay home.

I would be getting any kind of restraining order you can to protect him.

Notsosure1 · 27/04/2025 18:16

Notsosure1 · 27/04/2025 18:10

That’s obviously what the mum and gf want - for whatever reasons- terrifying.

OP, arrange a password with his college so they know it is you they are speaking to on the phone - do this in person - asap! And check they have the correct email address and mobile number for you - tell them if someone says it is you and they have banned contact details they need to contact you on the ones you gave them immediately as it will be her.

Sorry that should be changed not banned

ScoobyDoesnt · 27/04/2025 18:16

SnoozingFox · 27/04/2025 18:07

This sounds like a very long-running thread by an (Australian?) mumsnetter whose son was caught up in a very toxic relationship with a batshit crazy girl and her equally batshit crazy parentrs. I'm not sure what forum it was on but she had a lot of good advice and shared what worked and didn;t work for her family.

I remember this thread, and you’re right, very similar.

There’s also one from a poster called PurpleLampShades which although slightly different in that the DS is/was 16 or 17 and the GF was a lot older and an adult, but complete coercive control and minimal the authorities could do even though technically the DC wasn’t an adult.

She hasn’t posted regularly, but I do often hope that her DS escaped.

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:18

I will not give up. I feel she was surprised at my reaction and probably thought I'd just let him go.
I am phoning 101 tomo to make a breach of the peace request to get a police escort to take me to that address and collect his things

OP posts:
SnoozingFox · 27/04/2025 18:19

I can't remember the username of the poster I'm thinking about. I think her son was 16/17ish and things had gone further - the GF and her family had moved him in with them and he wasn't being allowed to do sport or see his family. His mum was at the end of her rope, it was a very bad situation. No idea how it all turned out in the end. Anyone better at advanced search than I am find it?

AliceMcK · 27/04/2025 18:19

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:08

I'll have a look for that! Thanks

It was on here (MN) but I think MN deleted it or at least part of it. From memory the mother came back with a quick update to say they had made some headway in separating the son.

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:21

HeyCooper · 27/04/2025 18:10

Have you spelled out to your son the damage they could have done to your career and how this puts the whole families well-being in jeopardy including young brother and having a roof over your head.

Yes that I didn't hold back on. I said I can't control you but what they could potentially do to your little brother for what? Because I wouldn't let you stay!

OP posts:
GoodCharl · 27/04/2025 18:22

sounds like they need a safeguarding report on their house. This is all very odd. Do you think there was something else in the weed?

terrifying as i have a child similar age 😡

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:22

SafeguardingSocialWorker · 27/04/2025 17:43

Would he agree to apply for a non-molestation order?

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/64ff2a931886eb000d9770d0/FL401_0223_-_22pt.pdf

I doubt he would meet the criteria for it being made ex parte.

Also the police absolutely CAN act if what she is doing is harassment.

There's also malicious communications if she's sending messages on facebook/ WhatsApp etc.

Is he planning to continue with the relationship.

Are there any concerns that his fit may have been caused by substances/poisoning?

I'm going to discuss this with him tonight thank you

OP posts:
IWillAlwaysBeinaClubWithYouin1973 · 27/04/2025 18:22

@ScoobyDoesnt I thought of that post (PurpleLampshades?) first off. Couldn't find it though - is it in AIBU? Anyway, that's a pretty scary story so I hope the OP can nip this in the bud, sounds like police have been helpful.

Tinyt3 · 27/04/2025 18:25

Sounds like she would be crazy enough to make false allegations against him when he breaks it off. Have everything noted down beforehand with police if possible. Good luck!