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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop my son visiting his gfs parents property - serious concerns!

496 replies

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 17:34

Long and wild one.
Just don't know what to do.

For context we are married with 4 children, this subject is about our (just) 17 year old son.

My son has been in a relationship for 12 months with a girl who is 16. (He was 16 when they met, her 15.) From the beginning I felt there was an odd relationship with the mother being involved. For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate. Every other day I'd get messages from the mum with excuses why he needs to go to their house. Many times my son asked me to cover for him reasons for him not to go.

Recently my son collapsed and had a fit in street I was there and his gf. It is the first time anything like this has happened. Fast forward to a&e and I noticed the gf had phoned the mother and she arrived at the hospital.

I observed strange behavior - the mum n gf constantly taking him outside, whispering in his ear in a&e and when I became suspicious something is going on I tried to speak to my son but they came in closer. My husband tried to take him outside to talk and they both followed him!

Then the mother suggested I just get him seen by GP I said no he had a severe medical episode and it's not appropriate. Again she suggested it and I said no.

She proceeded to take him outside and said he's going to her house! I went after them pleading he needs medical attention, shouting for help and my husband got a police officer that was luckily there.

Officer thankfully said no he can't just abscond and he is a minor. After lots of talking they went away.

My sons results were abnormal and requires further tests and treatment.

I rang social services, I am in fear he is subject to emotional control/ cohesive behavior. I messaged the mother and stated that my son is not to go to her property.

She (the mum) messaged half of the family she found on social media, said how is he, tell him we will see him later, when is he coming over etc (my sons phone was broken at the time)

Later that day police attended to say there was a report from a third party that he is abused etc by me. my son quickly cleared it up and said it's just them causing trouble.

My son left some belongings at a friend's so we went to collect them, we were told by his friends parents that the gf and her mum have taken his stuff, the gf mum told them the police are getting my son and bringing them to her care!

I phoned my son's collage about his absence and was informed someone claimed to be me to ask if he was in college.

I am losing my mind. I mean what on earth! I phoned the police for help. At the moment I don't know what to do!

We are trying to talk to our son and give it a gentle approach.

I'm scared, having panic attacks and I have had to go of work (I'm a nurse) to deal with all this.
How bizzare is it tho? They don't even know us.
How can you report such evil things, especially them knowing I have a little boy at home!

This is a short version, I can't make sense of it

The police couldn't really do anything, social services I am ringing back tomorrow and I've flagged a serious safeguarding concern with his college.

My son said he won't go back to that house and agreed. But I don't know what I can do, he is 17.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
unbelieveable22 · 24/05/2025 21:56

Thank you for your update. Glad your son is doing well. Hope the rest of the family have support too. Take care ❤️

ilovemyhamster · 24/05/2025 22:17

I'm so relieved to see your update OP. 💕You are beyond strong and resilient. I'm sending you, your son and family a ton of best wishes for continued recovery from this nightmare and for a full physical recovery for your lovely son. Hugs 🤗

Mischance · 24/05/2025 22:39

What a relief for you and your family.

And it is heartening to know that the statutory agencies can pull together and protect a young person when needed.

TheOrphanTree · 24/05/2025 22:40

I'm so pleased to read your update. It sounds like you and your son are getting the right support from the right people. Great that the college won't allow her as a student whilst he's there. That must be a huge relief being taken seriously.

auderesperare · 24/05/2025 23:04

Wow, OP. That is such a great update to read. Well done for fighting every step of the way for your son. What a toxic family. Your family is so lucky to have you. I hope in time your sons can both acknowledge how much you’ve fought for them. Great to see you are getting appropriate support from the authorities and the college.

ZepherinDrouhin · 24/05/2025 23:35

Lifeof6 · 24/05/2025 18:39

Just wanted to update you all. Thank you for the replies ❤️

The letter was the final straw for us. Had recommendations and suggestions to hurt us, bury our bodies etc.
Police have the letter.

He has been home this whole time! Thankfully and happy to be here.
He is continuing with college and the support from them have been the best!

Safeguarding at college told me they were getting almost daily calls, accusations about me mainly.
They told me she applied to the college and that they've blocked / rejected the application! There were other concerns apparently which she could not disclose to me but stated her own school recommended that she does not attend the same college.

That was a wonderful relief!

He has regular check ins with safeguarding at the college and an assistant teacher buddy.

He has completely blocked all communications with the family and I know he hasn't been.

He has had follow up from the seizure in the neuro clinic and he has just had an MR head.
We have acknowledgement from cardiology which they said in the next week we should have an appointment.

Otherwise he is doing ok.

I am extremely lucky, I know this could have gone a very different path.

Phoning every possible service/ support and shouting from the rooftops for help is what made the difference here.
Social services, police, safeguarding NHS, safeguarding college, early help etc put a wall up around my son, for that I will be forever grateful!

Thank you for the update, this is amazing to hear. I hope the ex girlfriend and her family are investigated & that there are consequences for their actions.

Cantdoitalll · 25/05/2025 00:03

What a positive update. You are a wonderful mum OP.

I wish your son the very best in life, one day he may even be able to help others in similar situations

2JFDIYOLO · 25/05/2025 00:40

I'm so sorry this has happened to your family and great that the crazy letter triggered the right outcomes.

Women can be vile, teenage girls can be horrifying.

It does seems like a family that could do with some social services getting involved themselves.

Hopefully your elder son is helping your boy get over it all.

And all the very best for his medical problems.

Weenurse · 25/05/2025 05:59

Great update. I would also love an update on his medical issues if he is willing to share going forward.
If not, best wishes for you all 💐

Tripadvisor101 · 25/05/2025 07:05

They sound absolutely deranged. Is moving a possibility even just locally so they don't have your address. He also needs a new phone number etc and should come off social media for a year or so.

WavyRavey · 25/05/2025 08:49

Oh my gosh this is so scary, sounds like something out of a movie! I'm so glad you found that letter and he's not having any contact, I wonder if they were trying to baby trap him.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/05/2025 09:17

That is a brilliant update. I’m so pleased your ds has managed to get away from this family.

ChaToilLeam · 25/05/2025 13:26

So glad to see your update!

wizzywig · 25/05/2025 14:18

Hi op, are there grounds to get a non molestation order? Do you have a ring alarm too? Just incase police abd cps decide to take no action.

HateMyselfToo · 25/05/2025 19:38

Great update. Good to hear that all the agencies worked as they should. Your son is very lucky to have you in his corner.

Trethew · 25/05/2025 19:53

Thank you for updating. So glad agencies stepped up and he’s now on a good path and being supported. Hope all continues positively but remain vigilant - they are bonkers and dangerous

Mama2many73 · 25/05/2025 20:22

Thank uou for updating us. I'm so glad it's a positive outcome with lots of support. I've thought a lot about your son, yourselves and family since your original post and have checked back for updates, so thanks again x

Hope it continues on this positive path x x

Bookloveruk · 26/05/2025 00:36

Great to see your update. Well done to you for being there and getting him out of a horrendous situation

Fraaances · 26/05/2025 02:43

I am so pleased everyone’s being so proactive about your lovely DS’s safety. We had very genuine concerns re my DD2’s first BF last year. Turns out both parents have diagnosed psychiatric illness and BF lived with his single dad & uncle in a semi-rural place. All very fond of Andrew Tate, etc… Lots of demeaning and personal comments, etc. My DD saw the light when he sent her a Snap of himself being pulled over by the police (lights in background) and arrested for driving dangerously and DUI. He was proud of it. Because of his age and the volume of illegal drugs found in his car, police did an investigation and discovered that it was a “family business”. There were arrests, Child Protection didn’t get involved as he was legally an adult by the time everything was processed. DD told me that he had been pressuring her right from the beginning to let him move in with us (never an option), and constantly putting her in dangerous situations. She is much more wary these days.

Mistyglade · 26/05/2025 15:33

I am so glad to hear your positive update. You’re clearly a brilliant mum and I hope your DS is healthy now both emotionally and physically.

I hope the police and authorities keep an eye on that family. I dread to think what damage they could cause in the future.

NotARealWookiie · 29/05/2025 18:36

This is update is such good news

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