To stop my son visiting his gfs parents property - serious concerns!

[Lifeof6]

Long and wild one.
Just don't know what to do.

For context we are married with 4 children, this subject is about our (just) 17 year old son.

My son has been in a relationship for 12 months with a girl who is 16. (He was 16 when they met, her 15.) From the beginning I felt there was an odd relationship with the mother being involved. For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate. Every other day I'd get messages from the mum with excuses why he needs to go to their house. Many times my son asked me to cover for him reasons for him not to go.

Recently my son collapsed and had a fit in street I was there and his gf. It is the first time anything like this has happened. Fast forward to a&e and I noticed the gf had phoned the mother and she arrived at the hospital.

I observed strange behavior - the mum n gf constantly taking him outside, whispering in his ear in a&e and when I became suspicious something is going on I tried to speak to my son but they came in closer. My husband tried to take him outside to talk and they both followed him!

Then the mother suggested I just get him seen by GP I said no he had a severe medical episode and it's not appropriate. Again she suggested it and I said no.

She proceeded to take him outside and said he's going to her house! I went after them pleading he needs medical attention, shouting for help and my husband got a police officer that was luckily there.

Officer thankfully said no he can't just abscond and he is a minor. After lots of talking they went away.

My sons results were abnormal and requires further tests and treatment.

I rang social services, I am in fear he is subject to emotional control/ cohesive behavior. I messaged the mother and stated that my son is not to go to her property.

She (the mum) messaged half of the family she found on social media, said how is he, tell him we will see him later, when is he coming over etc (my sons phone was broken at the time)

Later that day police attended to say there was a report from a third party that he is abused etc by me. my son quickly cleared it up and said it's just them causing trouble.

My son left some belongings at a friend's so we went to collect them, we were told by his friends parents that the gf and her mum have taken his stuff, the gf mum told them the police are getting my son and bringing them to her care!

I phoned my son's collage about his absence and was informed someone claimed to be me to ask if he was in college.

I am losing my mind. I mean what on earth! I phoned the police for help. At the moment I don't know what to do!

We are trying to talk to our son and give it a gentle approach.

I'm scared, having panic attacks and I have had to go of work (I'm a nurse) to deal with all this.
How bizzare is it tho? They don't even know us.
How can you report such evil things, especially them knowing I have a little boy at home!

This is a short version, I can't make sense of it

The police couldn't really do anything, social services I am ringing back tomorrow and I've flagged a serious safeguarding concern with his college.

My son said he won't go back to that house and agreed. But I don't know what I can do, he is 17.

Have you had threads about this woman before? If so, all this bat shittery has being going on for quite some time. I think you need to get your son fully away from them. Can you move? or at least go somewhere for the summer to break some of the connection - dont let your son on internet or sm. If they have groomed him, even though he knows it is wrong he will feel he has to be in contact. It sounds so sinister. A solicitors letter as suggested above is a good idea- your son may be scared to agree but tell him how no matter what has happened you love and support him. Get your H and older son to rally round and keep your DS occupied and chaperoned. Your DS needs to ditch all his old phone numbers and close all his SM accounts and you need to tell his friends that you don't allow this woman or her DD to contact you and get very tough with her. I think your poor son needs some serious therapy from a pychiatrist too.

Why?
Because it is completely deranged bahaviour.
have already advised op earlier on.

It does sound like they've given him drugs or something that he has had a reaction to.

Hopefully he will realise that he was playing with fire with these crazy people and stay away.

@SnoozingFox do you happen to know what happened with that situation?

I have had a slightly similar situation in that my then 15 year old was being encouraged by his 14 year old girlfriends Mum to stay over at their house and lie to me about where he was. It was all very odd and I honestly think the Mum and presumably GF were trying to trap him into getting her pregnant. They would go shopping together and she would say things like when you have a baby you could get this sort of pram or look at this cot that would fit really nicely in your room. Luckily DS himself was so freaked by this he ended the relationship but not before the GF could play the pregnancy card (she wasn't) but iit messed with DS quite a bit and some mutual friends got the impression he had got her pregnant then dumped her and there was quite a few repercussions.

I think your DS could really do with talking things through with someone impartial. Does his school or college have any pastoral care/counselling he could access?

I was coming on here to say similar to @NoThankYouSis ·
Not because of my own experiences but because the whole story just seems implausible from her end.

I suspect your DS isn’t an innocent bystander in all of this, and that he’s given them some kind of embellished story about you/your family and being abused etc. God knows why, but the mother has made it clear that he’s told her he’s being abused, and he hasn’t told you anything, or seemingly even expressed any upset that these lies are being spread about him. Why not?

The simplest explanation is usually the right one, and given he’s not confirmed he wants to split with the GF after this he knows more about this than he’s letting on.

I would put my foot down at this point.

I would be telling him in no uncertain terms that this relationship ends now because of how dangerous they are. I would be telling him that you will be seeking legal advice tomorrow to get a restraining order against both the girl and the parents, that you will be reporting this to college, and that you will be inviting the police and social services round to talk about the allegations that have been made against you. Allegations which he knows could cost you your job.

If he’s genuinely innocent in all this then he will likely want all this to happen.

But I suspect that he isn’t.

I’m asking what way you’d have dealt with it that makes you so sure she would only have tried it once with you. Perhaps you could give the OP some tips.

I wonder whether they’re also threatening him with things that might’ve happened when their daughter was 15, I would make sure, as it sounds like you already have, that he knows that he can tell you anything.

I have already provided this.

Is this mother and the family involved in county lines?
Because it’s more than just wanting to look after this boy.
The older brother is a key person here. He is the one person DS can talk to and confide in.

My first thought when I started reading your post was that the girlfriend's Mother is after your son - so I understand why your husband thought the same. She seemed obsessed in having your son stay over, and when he wouldn't, she's resorted to made up lies regarding abuse, to get him under her roof. In fact it wouldn't surprise me if she's deliberately given him drugs, so she could 'look after him', when he became unwell. No normal person would try and insist he refused medical treatment after a seizure. That in itself is very weird behaviour. The other option is that the girlfriend has deliberately made up stories of abuse regarding your son, and told her parents? I can't imagine your son has made up ridiculous stories, so this has either come out of the Mother's imagination or her daughter's. It's come from somewhere, that's for sure. I think you are doing all you can. Engage with as many agencies as you can, including the police. Your son is 17, he needs to understand the severity of the wild accusations the Mother is saying, and the potential damage this could do to your family and career. Has he given any indication as to why he thinks the Mother is making abuse allegations towards you? Doesn't he think it's odd? Isn't he outraged by it? I would expect him to be horrified and so disgusted, that he ends his relationship with the girlfriend! The fact he hasn't, is to me, rather concerning.

I was thinking the same thing. There's no way the parents and girlfriend would be reacting this intensely unless they had been given some reason to believe he was being mistreated. At the very least, I imagine your son might be a bit embarrassed that he’s not allowed to stay over, and to save face, he probably leads them to believe he thinks you’re being unreasonable, controlling, and unfair — that you "never let him do anything," and so on. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if the mother and girlfriend genuinely believe they need to help him escape from an overbearing situation.
I suspect that’s why he still feels some loyalty toward them. He likely understands they aren't quite as crazy as they seem — they just think they're helping him.
For the record, even if that’s the case, both the mother and daughter are massively overstepping boundaries. They’re showing not just a complete lack of decorum and maturity, but also deeply unhealthy, possessive attachments.

I also suspect the girlfriend and her Mother might have known your son had taken something, which would explain why they minimised the situation and advised going to a GP instead. It's possible your son went along with them because he was worried you'd find out. if not drugs, to avoid a confrontation between you and the mother when she inevitably called you out on your 'abuse'.

The first thing I thought of was county lines, and I see others have commented the same.

Agree re County lines. Nobody spends 5 hours in an expensive hospital car park unless they really really have to.

I do think, if he's willing , his elder brother could be an asset here.

Good luck.

Any reasonable parent, on being told that a friend of one of their children was being abused would contact the authorities or college safeguarding team , the last thing a sane person would do is try to 'kidnap' them .

'they seem to have some kind of hold over him.'

Can you get your older son to ask him if he has sent the girl nude photos and they are wielding that over him?

Also are these people any type of anything that is different to your family? Race? Religion? Style of living?

Do the parents work? If so, what as?

He has been undergoing investigations for a while due to many symptoms he's been having

Since he has known his gf?

But he needs further testing doesn't he?

I bet if we got her side it would be a very different story.

If someone posted here with a story about their teen daughters abused and controlled boyfriend whose in hospital and they are scared the parents are harming him and how they have alerted the police and wanted him to come live with them, many would believe them because mumsnetters often have an amazing ability to take one side as pure gospel.

I feel we don't really know whats going on so any advice is one sided and useless. It most likely that neither of you are 'wrong' as kids (especially teens) are great at lying and stiring up drama, they can cause utter havoc and have different adults believing opposite stories.

Maybe you DS lied to them (could be a white lie to his GF that got out of control) or maybe his GF lied to the mam because about his home life because she wants him to stay over (and the mam obviously believes her kid, not going to take the word of a stranger who they have been told is abusive) either way I doubt the mother is actively trying to steal your 17 year old DS for drug and sex trafficing like some people seem to be jumping to.

Its probably a lot of double talking drama stiring to get their own way that got way out of control.

I can't imagine how stressful this is for you.
Please tell your son to reset every password for everything. Even if he doesn't think they know it. They are obsessive and will go to great lengths.
Password protect everything such a school, doctors, etc. Explain the situation.
Make sure passwords are all unique, not predictable and all different.
Really hope you get some support. But a version on a non molestation order sounds like the right course of action because that behaviour is not normal.
Love that your older child has such a good relationship with him.
Maybe when this has all calmed down gih could look into a course or therapy about unhealthy relationships ans seeing the signs for your son. Not his fault in any way. But just preparing him for the future.

@housethatbuiltme I agree that teenagers can make things up not thinking of the repercussions but no sensible, sane mother would phone a college and pretend to be someone that they're not.
It could be , as you suggest, something that has been said and got out of control mixed in with a mother who, unfortunately is not mentally stable.

Sorry for only reading half of this...

Is it possible he was drugged which caused his seizure. Is he able to break up with his"girlfriend"? It might be a healthier way forward.

Lots of great points. Thank you everyone.
He has been unwell around 8 months. Significant weight loss, extreme fatigue. Vomiting and nausea.
Mainly dizziness.
This sounds like someone on drugs believe me I know.
We went through hell with our older son when he was 16 (mental health and self harm) and I never gave up and he turned a corner. I agree he is the best person here from my son to listen to.
Ive already asked the college about the support we are discussing it tomorrow at the meeting. I don't know what to think. The allegations were strange I lock him in a cupboard.... I scream in his face as I know it makes in faint? Even the officer apologized to me and said they didn't even make sense.
I agree he probably laid it on thick about never lets me do anything etc because we have been strict with letting him stay over etc.

I'm a tiny petite girl literally look and sound like a child my son's huge. I'm 37. She's about late 40s?. I said to my husband he would have been the easy target for abuse, it seems very personal.... I'm extremely soft on my children ( I was abused as a child) if I'm guilty of anything it's that.

https://childsvision.co.uk/services/ladies-and-teens-freedom-programme/

Seizure very worrying and it’s CRAZY that gf family don’t want him to get care. Very suspicious.

Every seizure does damage to the brain, it’s important to understand what is going on & get treatment. They can get progressively worse if untreated.

Be sure son knows how serious seizures are. He needs to really be careful no drugs, no alcohol until gets results.

That mum seems to have serious MH issues, be sure he understands that too, she is not acting in his best interests.