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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stop my son visiting his gfs parents property - serious concerns!

496 replies

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 17:34

Long and wild one.
Just don't know what to do.

For context we are married with 4 children, this subject is about our (just) 17 year old son.

My son has been in a relationship for 12 months with a girl who is 16. (He was 16 when they met, her 15.) From the beginning I felt there was an odd relationship with the mother being involved. For example when her daughter was 15 I would be hounded with messages from the mother to let my son stay, despite me saying it's inappropriate. Every other day I'd get messages from the mum with excuses why he needs to go to their house. Many times my son asked me to cover for him reasons for him not to go.

Recently my son collapsed and had a fit in street I was there and his gf. It is the first time anything like this has happened. Fast forward to a&e and I noticed the gf had phoned the mother and she arrived at the hospital.

I observed strange behavior - the mum n gf constantly taking him outside, whispering in his ear in a&e and when I became suspicious something is going on I tried to speak to my son but they came in closer. My husband tried to take him outside to talk and they both followed him!

Then the mother suggested I just get him seen by GP I said no he had a severe medical episode and it's not appropriate. Again she suggested it and I said no.

She proceeded to take him outside and said he's going to her house! I went after them pleading he needs medical attention, shouting for help and my husband got a police officer that was luckily there.

Officer thankfully said no he can't just abscond and he is a minor. After lots of talking they went away.

My sons results were abnormal and requires further tests and treatment.

I rang social services, I am in fear he is subject to emotional control/ cohesive behavior. I messaged the mother and stated that my son is not to go to her property.

She (the mum) messaged half of the family she found on social media, said how is he, tell him we will see him later, when is he coming over etc (my sons phone was broken at the time)

Later that day police attended to say there was a report from a third party that he is abused etc by me. my son quickly cleared it up and said it's just them causing trouble.

My son left some belongings at a friend's so we went to collect them, we were told by his friends parents that the gf and her mum have taken his stuff, the gf mum told them the police are getting my son and bringing them to her care!

I phoned my son's collage about his absence and was informed someone claimed to be me to ask if he was in college.

I am losing my mind. I mean what on earth! I phoned the police for help. At the moment I don't know what to do!

We are trying to talk to our son and give it a gentle approach.

I'm scared, having panic attacks and I have had to go of work (I'm a nurse) to deal with all this.
How bizzare is it tho? They don't even know us.
How can you report such evil things, especially them knowing I have a little boy at home!

This is a short version, I can't make sense of it

The police couldn't really do anything, social services I am ringing back tomorrow and I've flagged a serious safeguarding concern with his college.

My son said he won't go back to that house and agreed. But I don't know what I can do, he is 17.

OP posts:
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WaltzingWaters · 27/04/2025 18:26

What an utterly bizarre and terrifying situation.
Thoughts- a cult. Drugs. Trying to get the GF pregnant by your son. Perhaps all 3.

I really hope your DS realises how toxic and batshit this situation is and puts a stop to seeing them both at all.

Agree with others - set up a safe word with your DS in case he’s in danger around them and a password for college so they know it’s you they’re talking to.

Did they do a drug test in the hospital? (Sorry if that’s been answered and I missed it).

GoodCharl · 27/04/2025 18:26

What was the outcome in the hospital? Anything in his bloods?

Newnameformenow · 27/04/2025 18:27

What a nightmare.
Sounds like you are on top of everything you need to do, I would just say don't lose sight of your relationship with him in the midst of the busy plans. Keep listening to him and make sure you keep communication open.

fiorentina · 27/04/2025 18:28

Have you done some serious online research into the family? Googling derivations of their name and address to see if there’s anything online about the family.

I would also be concerned they’d given your son some drugs or something they shouldn’t have if they were so stressed re his illness. If my DC partner was ill I’d want them treated as the hospital not trying to remove them.

I hope he finishes with her but she sounds like the family could be an ongoing nightmare even in that scenario.

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:29

GoodCharl · 27/04/2025 18:22

sounds like they need a safeguarding report on their house. This is all very odd. Do you think there was something else in the weed?

terrifying as i have a child similar age 😡

Definitely weird vibes from the 3 of them even the dad was sat in the car in the car park for over 5 hours!

OP posts:
NoBots · 27/04/2025 18:30

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:02

Wouldn't rule anything out at the moment.

My husband is thinking more stranger things then me.... He can't get out his head it's the mother after him!

I had the same thought when reading your initial post! Could be drugs also. Maybe also a test for STD just in case? The whole thing is so odd and scary!

FrothyCothy · 27/04/2025 18:31

Could you or your son make an application under Claire/Sarah’s Law (can’t remember which one would apply - maybe both here as she’s technically a child, who may also be being coercively controlled) to see if she is known to the police for similar behaviour?

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:31

fiorentina · 27/04/2025 18:28

Have you done some serious online research into the family? Googling derivations of their name and address to see if there’s anything online about the family.

I would also be concerned they’d given your son some drugs or something they shouldn’t have if they were so stressed re his illness. If my DC partner was ill I’d want them treated as the hospital not trying to remove them.

I hope he finishes with her but she sounds like the family could be an ongoing nightmare even in that scenario.

I believe the officer at a&e was doing checks on us all....I wonder if I could chase that up. I've heard the dad shown a video of him being violent to a punter (was a security guard I believe?)
I took that as a threat vibe to my son

OP posts:
VaddaABeetch · 27/04/2025 18:32

Is your son still with this girl? I’m not clear.

I had a situation like this with my nephew. The family were cult like but nephew thought he & girl were Romeo & Juliet

MissMoan · 27/04/2025 18:32

Oh my gosh, @Lifeof6 , this woman sounds batshit crazy.
I'm afraid I don't have any advice. I just wanted to say that your son is incredibly lucky to have a mother like you looking out for him, and it is great that your older son is supporting you with this.
I wish you the best of luck. So sorry this is happening to you all x

IAMINYOURWALLS · 27/04/2025 18:32

Can you not get any more info on what caused the seizure? Sounds like they've been giving your son drugs or using them with him.

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:33

He's a quiet kid. Loves guitar and anything music. Not one to go out and about. I hate them so much for putting him in this situation!

I feel guilty because I know he is emotionally involved with them and us as his parents. But something is way off here I just don't want to push him away!

OP posts:
Notsosure1 · 27/04/2025 18:33

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:29

Definitely weird vibes from the 3 of them even the dad was sat in the car in the car park for over 5 hours!

They sound like criminals. Would they think you and your family are a lot better off than they are so snaring your son could be quite lucrative if she had his baby? He should obv have nothing more to do with her anyway but there’s also a real risk she’ll make allegations of abuse against him if he’s trying to extricate himself from them, she may even say it happened a while ago etc. They sound twisted and very dangerous. I hope you can get it sorted asap!

Mygosh · 27/04/2025 18:34

I wonder if they are using him to get drugs, hence the desperation for him to go over there. Class A drugs can cause seizures and synthetic cannabis. I hope he's ok.

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:34

VaddaABeetch · 27/04/2025 18:32

Is your son still with this girl? I’m not clear.

I had a situation like this with my nephew. The family were cult like but nephew thought he & girl were Romeo & Juliet

He said he's not talking to her properly or he just doesn't know. He's got a new phone since yesterday so I've been biting at the pits!

OP posts:
ScoobyDoesnt · 27/04/2025 18:34

IWillAlwaysBeinaClubWithYouin1973 · 27/04/2025 18:22

@ScoobyDoesnt I thought of that post (PurpleLampshades?) first off. Couldn't find it though - is it in AIBU? Anyway, that's a pretty scary story so I hope the OP can nip this in the bud, sounds like police have been helpful.

This is the 3rd thread in that series, I really hope she’s ok as she hasn’t posted recently.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4932919-to-think-someone-must-be-able-to-do-something-part-3?page=24&reply=143520925

Page 24 | To think someone must be able to do something - part 3 | Mumsnet

I never thought I’d be needing to start a third thread but here we are. The first two threads have been a great source of support for me so I’m going...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4932919-to-think-someone-must-be-able-to-do-something-part-3?page=24&reply=143520925

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:36

IAMINYOURWALLS · 27/04/2025 18:32

Can you not get any more info on what caused the seizure? Sounds like they've been giving your son drugs or using them with him.

This happened Thursday. Monday I'm supposed to be getting a call for neurology urgent clinic

OP posts:
VaddaABeetch · 27/04/2025 18:36

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:34

He said he's not talking to her properly or he just doesn't know. He's got a new phone since yesterday so I've been biting at the pits!

You poor thing. Could his older brother talk to him again?

they seem to have some kind of hold over him.

Whatthejackdawsaw · 27/04/2025 18:38

Don't block them on your phones, just request not to contact you as you've done and then ignore any messages that come through, change son's number when it's fixed so he has a safe phone and limit who has the number, tell friends not to pass on.
By keeping the number and not blocking you can log any messages as evidence for harassment or stalking with the police.
It also helps you get an insight to if the mother is getting more or less obsessive or threatening with trying to get in touch.

Notknots · 27/04/2025 18:38

@Lifeof6 It definitely sounds like they've given him drugs, potentially laced a joint with something or even spiked a drink. How's his memory of events leading up to the seizure?

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:38

But his ecg was abnormal too! So on top of worrying sick about his health the crazies decided to create false reports and make my life hell!

OP posts:
allwillbe · 27/04/2025 18:38

KeyToTheCity · 27/04/2025 17:52

At 17, her son is still a child.

At 16 my daughter was allowed to go with people that we knew she was not particularly safe with as the police said in their eyes the people she was hanging about with seemed ok and that was enough if she was 16. They sympathised but she was allowed to go,

MissyB1 · 27/04/2025 18:39

Lifeof6 · 27/04/2025 18:02

Wouldn't rule anything out at the moment.

My husband is thinking more stranger things then me.... He can't get out his head it's the mother after him!

This was my first thought, the mother is abusing him.

Dearover · 27/04/2025 18:39

ScoobyDoesnt · 27/04/2025 18:34

This is the 3rd thread in that series, I really hope she’s ok as she hasn’t posted recently.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4932919-to-think-someone-must-be-able-to-do-something-part-3?page=24&reply=143520925

She popped up on a "I wonder what happened..." thread last week under a different name. Her DS broke up with the GF and eventually built up his confidence again

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