Weird and offensive or I am overreacting?

[RememberThatGuy]

Quick sense check here please - my husband just left for work and as usual he sends me a nice message from the car. today’s message was a bit weird and I have taken offence at it but am I over reacting? I have attached a screenshot but the message boils down to “have a nice day, I have made your lunch, remember you have a husband”

I admit I am on the defensive because yesterday he left without saying bye, then when I questioned it he pretended nothing was wrong. Then eventually admitted that he was a bit moody and apologised.

For context I do not have amnesia or dementia, I have never cheated or not returned home from work or in anyway at all forgotten that I am married.

A bit weird but you have made a mountain out of a molehill.

Top tip - don't have these kinds of discussions over text. Do it in person.

This is just flirty surely, do you not normally joke with one another? He is not suggesting you have dementia or amnesia, what an odd thing to immediately assume he meant. Weird.

Have you not been intimate in a while? That's what that nods to for me.

Perhaps, he's feeling like he gives and you take.

I think you’re overthinking and jumping to offence, he was being flirty and did something kind for you.

Clumsily worded but he went on to explain it in his next message. I think your response is weirder.

Goodness!
take a breath, start the day again with a thank you for the lunch/dinner. message to him.

maybe less messages and more irl conversation.

Is there a backstory here?

I think it was a weird thing to say and implies he thinks you’re not giving him enough attention and that he does a lot for you and it isn’t reciprocated.

Do you often start your day by starting a fight?

You come across as controlling and frankly weird.

It is a bit weird but don’t analyse it too much.

I agree, that's strange. Almost implies you might be unfaithful today!

It's "remember you have a husband" as in "remember you have someone who loves you." I think you overreacted and owe him an apology.

I'd read it that he's not feeling appreciated by you

You have massively over reacted to a completely innocuous message. If I was you dh I’d be really pissed off.

You are overreacting.

I think it is odd too. It's an odd phrase to use, does he not like you working out of the house? Or think you have men you flirt with while out?

Have you made lots of social plans with your friends and family lately or been preoccupied with work in the evenings and haven’t been able to spend much time together? It would be disappointing if this did refer to sex - I’ve made you a sandwich so you’re duty/guilt-bound to give me a bj now etc 😒

I don’t take more than he gives, he insists on making me lunch every day and most days I bring the majority of it back home. I was quite happy getting lunch in the work canteen but he has a need to look after me.

@DrinkReprehensibly yes that is exactly how it came across!

He left without even saying good bye yesterday because I had a cold sore and he thought I was telling him we couldn’t have sex that night.

I guess I have over reacted and will apologise but it did seem to me that he was accusing me of looking for an affair today!

I'm trying to imagine why I would say "remember you have a wife" to.my husband.

The only positive way I can see it being meant is if you were having a hard time with people at work being unkind or something, so he is saying remember you have someone who loves you at home. But you would have got that, as it would only make sense in the broader context of conversations you've had.

I think it’s just the badly placed emoji. Without it it would read ‘remember you have a husband who loves you…’ it’s lovely. I think you overreacted and got defensive, and lovely husband is even curious to why. It’s ok, just explain how it came across and it was also tied to feeling hurt about the no bye the previous day. Can be over in minutes.

It sounds like he’s feeling under appreciated, and you’ve massively over reacted. Your texts are really pissy.

In the context of him ignoring you because he thinks you may be implying you don't want sex, I think that mine and @DrinkReprehensibly 's interpretation was correct, especially if it isn't something he's said before.

He might be feeling under appreciated, I think that would be unfair as we both do a lot for each other but he is much more “gushy” than me if that makes sense. I try to reciprocate but it’s not as natural for me. I will make more effort.

I am studying professionally and have recently been promoted so he might feel a little pushed out but we have just spent the long weekend entirely together.

His message is a bit strangely worded but you immediately leapt on the defensive which is even stranger IMO.

I do think it reads as though he’s maybe feeling a bit rejected or under appreciated and is clumsily trying to explain that to you.

Ha the kisses stopped once the argument started - me and DH used to do that too 😆 so pointed. I dunno what he’s on about either but try not to sweat the small stuff.