Weird and offensive or I am overreacting?

[RememberThatGuy]

Quick sense check here please - my husband just left for work and as usual he sends me a nice message from the car. today’s message was a bit weird and I have taken offence at it but am I over reacting? I have attached a screenshot but the message boils down to “have a nice day, I have made your lunch, remember you have a husband”

I admit I am on the defensive because yesterday he left without saying bye, then when I questioned it he pretended nothing was wrong. Then eventually admitted that he was a bit moody and apologised.

For context I do not have amnesia or dementia, I have never cheated or not returned home from work or in anyway at all forgotten that I am married.

texts from the car, messages all day long. Honestly I think I am at work paid to do a job and I would like to get on with it. If I suggest I am busy he gets offended.

he has a need to look after me.

Can anyone else hear those alarm bells?

Why is he so threatened by your career?

I think he means : remember you have a husband who nurture you (and likes that to be reciprocated).

Extreme enmeshment : remember you are part of a duo, not an independent being.

My god what an over reaction OP. You must be really exhausting to live with .

Probably, I am incredibly messy and clumsy too and lose things all the time, I don’t know how he copes, he is very tidy and routine driven, polar opposites. Maybe he deserves a medal with that apology!

Yes I agree. This is not flirty or loving as some posters have said, hes clingy, insecure and pissed off that he's not had his leg over recently

Agree context is everything.

And the more I hear, the more controlling he sounds.

Texts all day that you're too busy for... what if you tell him you're too busy for texts all day?

Would it be like the lunch you don't want ? You end up apologising?

Are there lots of things you just go along with ?

It sounds like he is feeling neglected by you but has said it in a strange way. But you sound very touchy and ready to take offence at the slightest thing. It needs to be sorted out with straight talking and you not getting annoyed.

He left without even saying good bye yesterday because I had a cold sore and he thought I was telling him we couldn’t have sex that night.

So this is about sex. How pathetic. You’re allowed to not fancy sex. Him taking the hump and framing it as a rejection or whatever, or that he can buy sex with packed lunches - please. It shouldn’t be tansactional.

I am doing really well in my career, earn more than him by quite a bit with a big payrise on the horizon and work in a very male dominated environment. Hence the lunch - so I sit in my office and not the canteen. That’s my take on it anyway but as we have seen in the thread, I am prone to over react!

I read it like that too

NO!!

He makes you lunch to stop you sitting with other men!?

Stop taking the lunch.

He likes managing you.

Was he put in charge of a parent when he was young?

I don’t think there was anything at all to read into

tbh , in that exchange, you where the problem and it seemed like you wanted a fight

thank him for your lunch and remember not everything has to be a fight

I regularly send this to my husband ‘eh? 😂’ when I’m not sure what he’s saying. Texts are weird because you don’t understand the nuance and things can be clumsily worded. But then my husband is direct in general, so I assume clumsy wording over anything malice. If I was with someone passive aggressive maybe it would be different.

No you didn't overreact.

Your response was totally understandable. The context to your response was missing from the op. I'm going back to change my vote.

I think you're over reacting. If my husband had sent me that text I would have replied
" Thank you husband for doing my lunch 😁. I love you too."

He has never actually said as much but that’s very much the impression I get. However I could be reading into it when the intent is innocent.

He hates me speaking to my male colleagues over teams and makes digs about which ever one he has the hump about this month.

He sounds like an arse.

OP, I'm sorry other posters have talked you into thinking you're the problem. I think the responses would have been very different if you'd included more context in the original post. Given that he makes your lunch so that you don't spend your lunch break with male colleagues, his message was 100% a dig. He thinks you're going to cheat.

To be honest reading this I kind of agree with you OP.
Does he "insist"? If so it could be a sign of being a bit controlling, that coupled with the reaction to not having sex makes me think so.

He clearly meant "remember you gave a loving husband"

It was his way of saying he loves you and you've blown it up.

His text I didn’t have a problem with.

but the more you write…

Sulking at the prospect of no sex…love bombing…threatened by your career…getting stroppy if you don’t answer texts…

Im less keen on him now!

Funny how we all read things differently. Based on all of the OPs posts it seems clear to me that he meant ‘remember you have a husband who needs sex, and don’t cheat on me with one of the men at work’.

This guy sounds worse the more you post.

Take your lunch to the canteen fgs.

I disagree with the posters who said you sound like hard work. OP. Your DH is the one who seems hard work, very needy and clingy. It’s like he needs constant validation and head-patting from you, a deeply unattractive trait IMO.