Weird and offensive or I am overreacting?

[RememberThatGuy]

Quick sense check here please - my husband just left for work and as usual he sends me a nice message from the car. today’s message was a bit weird and I have taken offence at it but am I over reacting? I have attached a screenshot but the message boils down to “have a nice day, I have made your lunch, remember you have a husband”

I admit I am on the defensive because yesterday he left without saying bye, then when I questioned it he pretended nothing was wrong. Then eventually admitted that he was a bit moody and apologised.

For context I do not have amnesia or dementia, I have never cheated or not returned home from work or in anyway at all forgotten that I am married.

I will make more effort to be appreciative and greatful and apologise for jumping on the defensive.

It is really hard to read tone in a message. I just found it an odd thing to say.

Sounds like a slightly passive aggressive way to say that he thinks you don't give him enough attention.

Also, not saying goodbye to you if he thinks he's not getting sex does make his text sound demanding intimacy.

Surely you it’s just slightly random phrasing - text is a blunt tool - he’s just asking you to keep him in mind.

You do sound extraordinarily touchy.

how do I come across as controlling? I will take the weird, but controlling?

You sound like hard work

I am not able for any human contact that hour of the morning, pretty amazed the amount of interaction you have with him in the morning I am a grump and not responsible for what I say at that time. I would leave it go don't let it spoil your day he clearly is unsure why or what you are taking offence with which means there was no offence intended imo.

I think it was an odd thing to say but more clumsily worded than anything else - I think your reaction was stranger tbh.

Reading your responses though it sounds like you both have very different love languages and communication styles.

Total overeaction by you! I might have thought it was a bit of an odd thing to say but then moved on with my life or mentioned it in person later but your message just felt like you were picking a fight over nothing.

I think he put the 😁 in the wrong place and it reads like a full stop. I think he meant "remember you have a husband who loves you..." as in "don't forget I love you!". It reads like "don't forget you have a husband" which communicates something a bit different! Just a miscommunication imo.

I wouldn’t mind but he had only just left the house, I do find it a lot but I appreciate that’s me and I try to be as enthusiastic as him, it’s just not my natural way.

More coffee and an apology on the way!

If the message is to do with not having sex. Then yes it's offensive.

Ask him. In person, when gets home.

That was the second time he said it - to clarify. The first time there was no emoji or who loves you, just remember you have a husband.

Surely he's trying to overcompensate because you got angry at him yesterday for not saying goodbye?

And if you don't want him to make your lunch for you, tell him and stop taking them to work with you.

TBH this all sounds exhausting and hard work.

Texts from the car ? What’s that about ? He’s just left the house, has walked a couple of feet to the car … what could he possibly have to say ?

This whole thing sounds childish, and way too intense.

Texts from the car sounds forced and unnecessary, he probably struggles what to say at that time. The lunch thing is just weird, just tell him you don’t want his lunches, very odd if he is insisting on it.

@ExtraOnions texts from the car, messages all day long. Honestly I think I am at work paid to do a job and I would like to get on with it. If I suggest I am busy he gets offended.

@GaspingGekko I have said many times that I can eat from the canteen but he likes to make my lunch so here we are. It would be very ungracious not to accept it. I am dieting too so I just end up bringing crisps and bars back and too, work home work home.

I agree it was a weird thing to say and that he was trying to make some sort of point. I’d have responded defensively too. In light of your post about the coldsore I’d guess that his point was ‘remember I need sex’.

What are the words you've crossed out?

If he struggles with what to say at that time, he could just not text? The OP has only just left the house, and it doesn’t sound like she’s insisting on the excessive contact.

I'm more confused as to you why you've tried to blurr out the word "lunchbag". Your dinner is in your lunchbag? Why does that need blurring?

It doesn’t say lunch bag, it says X bag which is a type of bag I have never seen anyone else with and I don’t want to be identified.

So on the lines of your green and purple strips bag with pink polka dots. So if anyone sees me with that bag today they will know I have been a snappy bitch today!

I have apologised and thanks my husband for the lunch btw, thanks all for the sense check.

Context is everything.

-Could be read as lovely and caring.

-insecure on his part

-controlling- like a 'feeder'

I think it’s a badly placed emoji and that it’s a loving message of support but I know on first reading I’d find it a bit odd too.

There was no emoji the first time he said it.

Why are you thanking him for a lunch that you didn't want, and have told/asked him not to prepare? It sounds like a small point, but its a red flag to me - he isn't listening to you, overrides your wishes with his own (on the topic of lunch anyway). Does he do that in other ways too?