To ask my maid of honour not to announce her engagement at my wedding

[Skyhu]

I'm getting married next month, my MoH has just told me that she's engaged. Obviously, I'm super happy for her, but we have a lot of mutual friends, and the next time we will see most of them is at our wedding. I don't want to have to ask her, but I just want our day to be about me and my FH.

All advice appreciated!

As long as she doesn't do it in her speech then I'd be fine about it
Maybe she'll have told them by then anyway even if not in person

Presumably she will have actually told them before then via group messages or something rather than waiting a whole month?

As much as the day is about the bride and groom people spend a lot of time not actually focussed on them (they get taken away for photographs together...).

It's your wedding. It will be all about you anyway. There's no way to be precious about making other people keep stuff going on in their lives secret without being a dick.

Surely by next month she'll have told most people anyway. It's not generally something people keep secret is it? Are you planning to ask her to taker her ring off?

If she';s already engaged then she can announce it now, so it will have trickled around the group before hand. It's a month away. It is fair enough that you don;t want a public annoucement stealing your limelight on the actual day - but she should be able to tell people - now, don't be a Bridezilla.

I wouldn't care personally. She obviously shouldn't do a stand up announcement or speech, but her telling her friends? That's fine. It won't take away from your day.

YANBU but I imagine by then she'll have told people anyway? Would she really wait to see them in person?

Nah, you absolutely cannot tell her what she can talk to her mates about while she’s spending an entire day with them, you loon 😁

As long as she doesn’t make an announcement, then butt out

Clearly inappropriate of her to 'announce' it but surely you don't have a problem with her telling people?

If you mean you don't want her to actually announce it, as in on the mic or something, YANBU.

If you mean you don't want her to tell people at all, even in individual conversations, YABU.

How soon is your wedding? Is it in early May, or late May?
She will probably have told everyone before that anyway.

Congratulations!

I’ll be honest: if a friend tells me they are engaged, I’m delighted for them but within about 5 minutes it will be out of my mind. It’s a life changing event for them, but not for me!

As long as she doesn’t announce it in a speech or ask the DJ to dedicate a song to her engagement or something, I’d let it pass. No one will care. The wedding day is still about you.

Would she “announce it” in some sort of stand up fashion? doubtful if you’ve chosen her as your maid of honour and are good enough friends to do so? If you’re trying to ban her from having casual conversations of ooh I got engaged, with people yabu. Conversations will be happening about all sorts of things, that aren’t all about you, it’s standard stuff when people haven’t seen each other in a while, every conversation won’t be all about you.

I never get this 'no-one is allowed to steal my thunder' mentality surrounding a wedding. But that's just me.

If all your mutual friends are going to be there it would be a good way for her to tell everyone. Could she do it much later on in the day after the ceremony/photos/meal/speeches have all been done?

I don't get why it should matter that much if she tells people she got engaged? Yes they will be happy for her but its in no way going to spoil your wedding day at this stage of the day is it? Or is it?

I guess if it really bothers you that much then you could ask her if she wouldn't mind but to me it feels a little mean if she is a good friend.

I read the title of this and thought you meant a proper announcement, which would be weird and I wouldn't like. But you can't stop people chatting about what's going on in their lives!

It won't make the slightest difference to the focus/attention on you!

Announce as in make a big group announcement, or just tell people on the day when she’s speaking to them?

As long as it’s not a big over the top announcement, I can’t see why she can’t just talk to her friends and tell them she’s engaged whilst at your wedding if that’s the first time she’s seen them since it happened.

I would prefer that she announced now so that things will be a little calmer in 4 weeks because everyone will know.

I have to agree with other posters here, as long as she doesn’t make a big speech etc then I can’t see the problem. Surely most people will know by then anyway. If she’s your MOH and obviously a good friend then asking her to keep it to herself is a bit mean spirited.

Have you been to a wedding? It’s very rare for a guest to stand up and make a personal announcement.

Do you think guests spend the whole day only talking about the bride and groom?! Sorry to burst your bubble, but I can’t recall ever speaking about the bride and groom at a wedding. It’s a general catch up with friends, meeting new people etc. At most it will be:

‘oh did you hear Anna and Ben got engaged?’
‘yes I did, how lovely’
’do You want a top up?’
’yes please, did I tell you about the hilarious parking situation with my neighbour last week?’

With kindness, people aren't usually all that fussed about other people's engagements or weddings, so I think making a big deal out of this just feels a bit OTT. If she is just chatting to people and telling them then what is the issue? It's not like people would otherwise be spending the whole time talking about you and your dh, it'll just be part of the chit-chat.

I mean, I doubt very much that she is intending on standing up and making a speech at your wedding about her engagement a month after the actual engagement but even if she suddenly, randomly did, it would be interesting conversation for about 5 minutes maximum.

I don't even think that at weddings the bride and groom are the focus of all the guests for the entire day. For the ceremony, yes. After that people are just generally enjoying catching up with their friends and chatting to other guests.

Surely she will have announced it to everyone before your wedding?

I'd expect people to say congratulations to her when they see her like they would if there was a newborn baby there/someone pregnant or if someone had graduated from uni etc.

I can't see how that would take anything away from you.

This. Once the ceremony is over it’s just a get together and people talk about anything they like. 🤷‍♀️

Why can she not announce it now and get it out of the way?