To ask my maid of honour not to announce her engagement at my wedding

[Skyhu]

I'm getting married next month, my MoH has just told me that she's engaged. Obviously, I'm super happy for her, but we have a lot of mutual friends, and the next time we will see most of them is at our wedding. I don't want to have to ask her, but I just want our day to be about me and my FH.

All advice appreciated!

Is she planning to do this or are you just over thinking?

My sister never spoke to me again after my pregnancy was announced at her dd christening. It was 3 years ago. It wasn’t even intentional on my part. She was absolutely furious.

No, she shouldn't use your expensive wedding platform to announce her own news. She needs to arrange an engagement party to do that, paying for her own food, table decorations etc - not use someone else's well organised event to do it. If she wants to drift around the guests and flash her ring though, you can't really stop her.

Throw her an engagement party before your wedding

Yes. Then it is done before the wedding which is what the OP seems to want to avoid. The engagement is hardly likely to be a big secret if the bride has already been told.

She is unlikely to make an announcement, nothing wrong with her telling one or two people whilst chatting at the reception.

It will be your day, don't worry about that/

Why do you care? She’ll chat to people and she’ll tell them… like other people will update them on their lives, as people do in conversation. She won’t make a speech. It’s a non issue.

Official announcement ie, standing up and telling everyone at the wedding or including it in a speech is obviously a no-go but telling her friends during the reception/dinner is fine. You can't police what your guests talk about amongst themselves!

What a world we live in! I really despair when I read things like this. Such a focus on being the centre of attention, as if it would be a disaster should the limelight be momentarily deflected elsewhere.

OP, it is your marriage that's important, not whether you are the sole focus of everyone's day. Concentrate on enjoying yourself and don't worry about what your MOH does. It really does not matter.

It very much depends on the level.of "announcement".
DH's friend "announced" her pregnancy at our wedding, but told everyone not to tell us... So every time we went near a that group they all went quiet and weird. Someone told DH why, so of course he told me. We just thought it a bit overdramatic that everyone acted so strangely about it.

My sister announced her engagement at my wedding. She also announced her pregnancy an hour after I gave birth to my first child. One or the other wouldn’t have been so bad but both has left a bitter taste.

Nailed it!

Gushy Instagram story post congratulating her on her engagement & sharing your excitement to support her on her special day as she has you. Done 😂

Seriously though, this friend needs telling? 😬

It’s going to be about you no matter what.

don’t be petty about other people being happy too.

My advice is drop this whole line of thinking right now, unless you want to be disliked and possibly have people dropping out of your wedding like flies.

Your wedding isn't the center of life on planet Earth, first of all. As others have said, it means a lot to you but not that much to anyone else. It in no way justifies you attempting to control anyone else's decisions on when and how to share the good news going on in THEIR lives.

Worrying about hogging every molecule of attention for yourself sounds like not even being mature enough for kindergarten, let alone for marriage, tbh.

Even if she did announce her engagement during the toasts at your reception, so what? Who on earth cares? Just let her do it, if she wants to. Smile and congratulate her and clap for her. Let other people tsk-tsk about it if they want to, while you show all how gracious and angelic you are.

You should ONLY worry if she and her fiance rush down the aisle after you and your fiance, attempting to get a two-for-one on your entire wedding and reception. No, never mind. That would be hilarious and make yours the wedding of the century, still discussed decades later. So, no worries at all.😂

Seriously though, if you care about your wedding so much, the first thing to kee firmly mind is how you come across and what people will remember about your attitude and behavior. Self-centered and jealously demanding all the attention for yourself is not the look you want. Best wishes.

I never get this 'no-one is allowed to steal my thunder' mentality surrounding a wedding. - Me neither.

OP - you are being a bit precious I think - just put it out of your mind and enjoy your wedding.

Haaaaa get over yourself

This , don't be daft!

Honestly, I wouldn't be able to tell you what my guests discussed with each other at my wedding.
Lots of people catch up at weddings, especially if sitting on the same table at the meal, or when hanging around for the bride and groom to have their photos taken etc. You won't be monitoring every single conversation that goes on. People catch up. Some may congratulate her, and then their focus will move on to discussing other matters.

Jesus. I don’t get why happy news on a happy day doesn’t just…well, make people happy?

Apply for a legally binding gagging order so she can't mention it, and make sure she doesn't wear her engagement ring 👍

Seriously, how are you envisioning this playing out in reality?

She was in tears. I did actually feel bad as I had no intention of telling anyone till 20 weeks as I’d had some complications but a relative kept asking (I had put on some weight ) and saying it was obvious and then DM decided to say !

If she does announce it at your wedding, produce a sweepstake board and encourage guests to wager on which marriage will last the longest/reasons for the split etc.
Make a real day of it.
Hire some tiresome hack celeb to come and help.
Scott Mills is pretty affordable.

Unless she is going to stand up and make a speech and do a toast to herself, no one is really going to care. I assume she’ll put something on social media and probably tell lots of people before then, but it realistically may be the first time she sees some people face to face. Of course, she’ll tell them and show them the ring.

An engagement is pretty small change compared to a wedding though and it will not overshadow anything. Probably people won’t really care as most people don’t care about other people’s engagements anyway.

While it would be out of order for her to do a formal announcement at your wedding, you can’t stop her from saying she’s engaged if anyone says “so what’s new with you?”

Personally I’d get ahead of it and congratulate her in my speech - it’s what I did when one of my friends had a baby on the morning of my wedding!

(Edited for typo)