To ask my maid of honour not to announce her engagement at my wedding

[Skyhu]

I'm getting married next month, my MoH has just told me that she's engaged. Obviously, I'm super happy for her, but we have a lot of mutual friends, and the next time we will see most of them is at our wedding. I don't want to have to ask her, but I just want our day to be about me and my FH.

All advice appreciated!

How is she keeping it a secret for a month to announce it? Or is she not allowed to talk about it?

My DHs brother asked if he could announce his and SILs first pregnancy during our wedding (in his speech). I’m not precious and I hate attention but I thought it was really lousy of him to ask. He said everyone would notice. My DH said he’d prefer it if they didn’t. So he didn’t. No one noticed of course. They announced it afterwards and surely that’s more special if you’re into an announcement (didn’t announce either of my pregnancies on account of assuming no one gives a shit really beyond your family - and you can just tell them).

I wouldn’t mind this OP. Chats and congratulations between friends at a wedding are nice. You won’t even notice anyway - you’ll be busy. I’m assuming that’s all it would be.

You expect her to not say when talking to friends? Unreasonable yes. Dear me the shine is taken from you for a few mins.

I mean as long as your MoH isn’t going to formally announce it as part of a speech, which she’s not asked to do, in which case I’d just leave well alone. You can’t really vet all conversations. Who knows there may be other mutual friends who’ve got similar news or decide to announce they’re pregnant or what not! It’ll still all be secondary to you though. Hope your day goes well!

I think you are being silly.
It is lovely when a proposal happens during the dance or the next to be married gets the bouquet handed in to them. It does make your wedding more special because it signs someone else following your footsteps and taking the plunge.
There is a time for it, which is during the party/ dancing around or the bouquet throwing.
The rest of the day is only yours.
But if you do not want it, then you have to talk to her.

This

Yeah, you can't expect her to not share her news in conversation, but you can ask her to not include it in a speech or make an announcement.

It's a very special day for you, but it's not a special day for anyone else really. You can't expect all your guests to kowtow to your specialness really, they've got their own priorities and lives and probably think it's nice that you are getting married, but not something they need to adjust their lives for particularly. So I get that it would be very bad manners to cause a stir or make a grand announcement, but if it just comes up in conversation, what's the problem? Surely everyone will know by then anyway?

These wedding posts do amuse me, anything else that would be off topic for guests to have conversations about, perhaps you shouls throw in holidays too in case some guests might out trump your honeymoon?😂

This is something I can't understand or relate to. If it was my friend, I'd want her to announce it at my wedding! It would be lovely for her to share happy news on a happy day.

She should ‘announce’ it now. Or at least tell everyone she knows.

I wouldn't care if someone got engaged at my wedding I'd be so full of love, so an announcement (or just talking about it) would be fine.

YABU and frankly up your own arse.

Someone handed out save the dates at my wedding. The clincher being I didn’t get one!
(We did go to their wedding in the evening but they are divorced now anyway!)

Depends what you mean by "announce"
If standing up in front of everyone making a toast about it - yes that would be inappropriate
But expecting her to, what, not mention her biggest news when she catches up with people and they ask her what she's been up to, and, what, take her engagement ring off....yeah that's too much.
Tbh I would have thought she'd just tell people before then anyway?

Tell her for a grand she can share the party...

Why ON EARTH would this bother you?

Do you mean if she’s doing a speech? Surely you’re not wanting to police her conversations with people throughout the day…

People will be talking about other things than the wedding all day

Bloody hell, if it was my maid of honour, I'd be wanting to know if it was okay to do a toast to them at the wedding or if they were trying to keep it hush-hush for a little while, toasting and celebrating someone else's happy news doesn't take away from your own!!

This kind of attitude makes me cringe so very much. I would be delighted to share a good friend’s news at my wedding. Why are people so precious nowadays?

Do you not think the day is going to be enough about you and your husband? Do you think her announcement will make people forget you are the bride? Don’t you think you’re going to be happy enough on the day that this news being spread might blight your wedding?

Goodness. Stop being so petty. Take a step back and see the bigger picture. Life must be a struggle with these kind of miserable attitudes.

Now that is the height of bad manners!!

I'd only forgive this if they were exceptionally hard for money & the postage was really gonna cripple them. But even then, not inviting you was piss poor of them! How bloody rude!!

A friend of mine quietly told me she was engaged at my wedding - we said congratulations during the speeches. Honestly, you will be so happy you won’t give a shit.

Your wedding day will be about you in the ways that matter. There isn't much that's urgent to say to your MOH except 'congratulations, what are your plans?' and her friends will already have asked her that when they first heard. There will probably be some chat about her upcoming wedding during the socialising bits of the day; people will talk about all kinds of things then, which is as it should be.

As I said upthread, I suspect this OP would very very much give a shit!

My cousin was my bridesmaid, her partner was our usher.
They told us not long before our wedding that they were engaged, and we actually announced it at our evening do. She wouldn't have done it, thinking she'd take away from 'our' day, but she was okay with us saying it.
And it gave family a bit of notice about their wedding.
So long as it isn't done to overshadow your day, I'd be fine with that. And happy for them.

One of my friends got engaged a month or so before my wedding (I was delighted for her!) and at my hen night (just dinner and drinks, I wasn’t a mad bridezilla type) a couple of weeks later she did not stop talking about her own wedding. Friends were asking about details of my wedding (as it was my hen night!) and every time she’d interrupt and talk about her plans. I put it down to her being excited but it drove me bonkers.