To ask my maid of honour not to announce her engagement at my wedding

[Skyhu]

I'm getting married next month, my MoH has just told me that she's engaged. Obviously, I'm super happy for her, but we have a lot of mutual friends, and the next time we will see most of them is at our wedding. I don't want to have to ask her, but I just want our day to be about me and my FH.

All advice appreciated!

She can tell people when we she damn well feels like it on the ONE proviso it’s not an “announcement” at the OP’s wedding

They may notice her ring. I always notice rings

you are slightly bridzilla

If you genuinely think she will keep it a secret until your wedding day then no, that's not okay. But generally it's announced on SM pretty swiftly. And honestly, no one will give a fig.

What do you mean by "announcing" it?

I wouldn't expect her to get up and make a big announcement in front of everyone, but I don't think I would ever pick someone as my MoH who would even think of doing something like that.

If you mean that you don't want her to tell people at all, then yabvu.

YABU to stop her mentioning to friends that she’s just recently got engaged, show off her ring for 30 seconds and get on with the day. She’s not going to “steal your thunder”. I’m sure if any of these friends were close to her and cared a big amount they’d know about it before the wedding

YANBU if you mean she wants to make a big announcement at your wedding. Obviously that’s not cool

Do you have any reason to think she plans to announce it at your wedding?

You could do some gentle probing and ask her if she's told many people yet.

You definitely cannot ask her not to talk about getting engaged.

It’s v unlikely she will announce it to everyone. She’s probably told them all via message already.

Even if she does tell a load of people on the night, there’s nothing you can do about it. She’s allowed to discuss whatever she likes with people.

I mean this in the kindest way, but you can’t control what someone else says just because it’s your wedding day. It’s a bit ‘Bridezilla’.

Presumably it will take up about 5 minutes and then everyone will carry on. It’s a bit like not announcing a pregnancy at someone else’s christening when there’s already other pregnant women and babies there, if you’re at that age where everyone is getting married and having kids it just tends to clump together.

Oh FFS

What do you mean by “announce”?

a) She grabs the microphone away from your dad after his speech to say “and now for the main news of the day - Fred and I are engaged and will be getting married next June!”
b) She sees friends over drinks at your wedding reception. She’s asked how she’s doing and what she’s been up to and she says “All fine, thanks - I’ve got a new job and Fred and I are getting married next year”.

A is dreadful. B is perfectly fine and just normal conversation. People have all sorts of conversations at wedding receptions that are not about the bride and groom.

Between getting engaged and getting married, there was an engagement, two new babies born, one conceived, a divorce, a cancer diagnosis, and two deaths among our families and various friends. Life happens.

Honestly you won’t care on the day

I suspect this one will

honestly op it's hardly a big deal is it. I mean as another poster said - someone telling me they are engaged is not major news to me!

and isn't a major joy of a wedding that people catch up with old friends, hear their news etc?

I assume she’ll have told people before then anyway? I think you’re unreasonable to ask that she doesn’t mention it (and you’d presumably have to request that she takes off her engagement ring). She’d be unreasonable to put it in the speech though.

I think one day you will cringe a bit about this. But I understand that people go a bit nuts planning weddings.

you will absolutely be the star of the day whatever people talk about ! they are there to celebrate you and your marriage - but there will be lots of talking and gossiping and catching up!

Weddings are important for the bride and groom and immediate family. For everyone else they’re just a catch up with friends where obviously your friend will share her news. What would you rather she talk about?

I think it would be fine to mention after the speeches, being at one great wedding and looking forward to another, along those lines. Is she your friend or not? Are you really worried you won't be sufficiently the centre of attention at your own wedding? Try being a little bit generous.

You could always pre empt any announcement by sending out an email

“ Really excited we are getting so close to the wedding. Wedding fever must be catching ! Congratulations to Anna and Ben on your engagement, can’t wait to see the ring.”

It wouldn't bother me at all.

"Are you planning to ask her to taker her ring off?"

Exactly.

You can’t really be suggesting that to avoid this friend announcing her engagement, she announces it for her to the entire guest list?

Is she on social media?
If so then she’ll likely put it on there anyway.

She’s not going to wait an entire month to tell people she’s engaged surely.

Theres a big difference between making a speech and letting the entire guest list know that you are engaged vs telling people if they ask/it comes up in conversation.

YANBU to not want her to announce it during her speech.

YABU to not want her talking about it full stop.

The wedding will all be about you and your DH.
I wouldn’t stress over this.

Surely she wouldn't make an announcement about it? But also surely you wouldn't object to her telling her friends when they are all together?
I don't see how that would affect your wedding.
Your guests will.have all sorts of conversations and catch ups during a wedding and not everything discussed will be about the Bride.

Not unreasonable to ask that she doesn't make a stand up "announcement" to the entire guest list which I don't imagine she will. Completely unreasonable of you to expect her not to mention it at all. Has she to keep it a secret, take off her ring and say nothing? I imagine the response from others will be "oh lovely, congratulations! It'll be you next" then the conversation will move on. I doubt it'll steal any kind of thunder.