To ask my maid of honour not to announce her engagement at my wedding

[Skyhu]

I'm getting married next month, my MoH has just told me that she's engaged. Obviously, I'm super happy for her, but we have a lot of mutual friends, and the next time we will see most of them is at our wedding. I don't want to have to ask her, but I just want our day to be about me and my FH.

All advice appreciated!

Honestly what is all this nonsense about stealing the limelight?!! No one else can have an ounce of attention because it’s your wedding day? Why do you even want that? It’s so self absorbed. So what if someone announces their engagement - just be happy? You don’t trump anyone, and nor does your wedding. What’s the worst that can happen, a few people congratulate her and are excited? Picturing you in the corner desperately waving your arms around saying “me me look at me, I’m over here” 🤣🤣 get over yourself …

Get a grip. If you were a good friend you'd have it announced as a bit of nice news in the speech. Nobody really gives a fuck when people have got engaged so people might congratulate them and then all of the attention can be turned back on you.

Is your name Jackie and are you marrying a man called Clint?

I told my grandparents I was pregnant at my cousins wedding as they live far away and I rarely saw them. It didn't even occur to me that anyone would care. I think it would be completely bridezilla to tell your MofH what she can and can't say.

I would just speak to her and say I assume you will have told everyone by my wedding. I don’t want an announcement made

I was 14 weeks pregnant at one of my best friends weddings, it never once occurred to me I’d be stealing her limelight by telling friends who were there that I was pregnant. Luckily it didn’t occur to her either, and I can say with 100% certainty it didn’t take any of the “shine” off her and her husband - people will be chatting about all sorts of life events, they’ll say congratulations and the conversation will move on. Totally unreasonable to police what she talks to her friends about.

Imagine this the other way around. For example, that just before her eventual wedding, you found out you were expecting a baby. You naturally wouldn't "announce" it at her wedding and wouldn't make her day all about you, but you would be excited to see some friends for the first time since you shared the news and have a big hug and a smile about it discreetly in the sidelines. That would be natural, normal and perfectly okay. People know that it's your day and all the focus will be on you - that's what the white dress and the big party are all about. But weddings are also social occasions, and your guests have lives that go on outside of your nuptials and are important to them. If you ask them to censor themselves it will only put a downer on the day for everyone. Trust your MoH to behave reasonably and try to shake off this feeling. Lead with the positive energy that you want for your day - be as happy for and celebratory of them as you want them to be of you

Yanbu OP. Anyone with an ounce of self respect, social awareness and basic manners, would NOT announce their engagement or pregnancy or whatever at someone else's wedding. No, it is not precious to hope the limelight is on the marrying couple for that particular day.

Such a lot of contrary replies on this thread. From the up for a fight types.

Sorry she can't mention being engaged at your wedding? Or do you think she's going to gather everyone up and make a speech about her own upcoming wedding?

Is she likely to "announce" it or just tell people and talk about it as people do generally chat about what's happening in their lives. Unless you think she's got plans to stand up in the middle of your ceremony or speeches and announce her engagement I'd keep quiet.

Yabu. Ridiculous. What is the world coming to?

I should think a decent person would welcome another happy moment at their wedding.

Instead it’s Main Character Syndrome, as usual.

Lol this is so unreasonable, I call reverse

So basically they’re all just extras / background characters for the photos & to provide an obedient audience for the bride. Not real people who have real lives they might want to mention while chatting with other guests.

Got it.

Where I am, making big announcements like engagement or pregnancy at someone else's wedding is seen as rude and hijacking the party and stealing the wedding couple's thunder.

They can have their own party if they want.

This. Does she plan to let people know or make a speech?

@Skyhu YANBU OP, but I hope you wouldn't have to ask your friend as she should have the sensitivity to know that to announce her engagement at your wedding would be very bad form.

I’d be surprised if she does any ‘announcing’ at your wedding. I guess she might tell the odd person if she’s not spoken to them recently. You can’t possibly ask her not to mention it, that would be super weird. Also, she’ll be wearing a ring, right?

Where I am, 'announcing' every single life milestone is anathema to me. I merely tell the people closest to me who would actually care and really want to know. Most people don't. They simply say 'that's nice, congratulations', and move on. There is no need to shout annoucements everywhere. Good news tends to travel fast enough.

Barring having a mic drop moment at somebody else's special event she can tell who, and when, she wants.

No don't ask her that, that would be offensive. I very much doubt she intends to grab the mic and announce it. But she may possibly meet up with people at the event who haven't heard or have, and want to find out more, and so will talk about it. Mostly at weddings the bride and groom don't have time to gossip at length with their closest friends, but everyone else does. You can't legislate for what they will talk about.

Your use of the sceptical quote marks indicates you take my own view: that the word 'annouce' seems in some people's reckoning to be a synonym for 'tell'.

No one can control what someone tells others, and when. I was so happy on my own wedding day that my chief witness could have shouted with a megaphone that she was pregnant with the second messiah, and I'd still have been euphoric for us both.

Surely people will be told before then? Telling friends is fine but an actual engagement at a wedding or big announcement seems unnecessary!

When I got married, I wanted nothing more than to have my sister as my MofH.
But she was 7 months pregnant.
So we switched from a church wedding to my parent’s home and had just family at the ceremony.
We found outfits that suited my sister first - and then the other girl.
I did everything I could to accommodate my MofH because I love her.
Yes - our wedding day was a celebration of us, but it wouldn’t have meant anything if we hadn’t had the people we loved around us.
We had a reception afterwards.
So what if she says something about her engagement? It’s a happy day. It isn’t going to steal any light or energy away from you.
Because it’s your day.
Be confident in that fact and be generous with your love. She’s your maid of honour - you chose her because you love her. Remember?
You’re gonna shine. ❤️

Seriously…? You would censor what someone says and does at a wedding?! Jesus.

Your sister was 7 months pregnant…. I mean she wasn’t ill

why couldn’t she attend a church? Why the need to switch to just family? What were all these accommodations you made for her?

i got married when i was 6 months pregnant…. Can’t really think that anything was different because i was pregnant