Have you ever contemplated getting pregnant and saying it was an accident?

[Junnieee]

I thought about this many times before we had DD (now 7). It was never something I would have acted upon but over the years at least three friends have said things in passing that have made me think they’ve shared such thoughts. One friend actually said she often thought about it as her DH kept putting off the time to ttc. Is this that common? Do a lot of women have these thoughts when they get that urge to be a mother?

I will also add that during these moments it was never something I planned but more a feeling of needing to fulfil that urge no matter what.

I haven’t but somebody very close to me was full on TTC behind her partners back. She was tracking, taking temps and using ovulation strips.

It was no surprise when he didn’t support the pregnancy.

I think it’s more common than people like to admit, both thinking about it and doing it

@OurDreamLife whoa that’s quite deceptive! Did she admit that to you?!

Not me but a close relative did, even after they had both agreed child number 2 was the last. Came off contraception and bingo.

The child was much loved but the loss of trust destroyed her marriage.

I don’t condone the deception but I can understand how painful it must be to feel like time is running out.

Women are biologically made for having children. It's a basic thing.

Men are biologically made to spread their seed.

Pity culture didn't catch up to make it all perfect.

But then we would live in a boring life.

Reminder to have a conversation with my sons again that women like this exist!

If men do not want to have children they should take the responsibility to prevent it. There are so many posts on here about men not being happy about a pregnancy when they refuse to use contraception or have the snip when their family is complete.

Hell no. But I do know someone who did. Her relationship did not survive the pregnancy, unsurprisingly.

She still seems incredibly smug about it, very odd woman.

And when you have threads on here like this one, with men intentionally running down women’s biological clocks and promising a future they never intend of fulfilling, sometimes you do think stupid games win stupid prizes…

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5320677-he-no-longer-wants-kids?page=16&reply=143777949

I can’t see how anybody who would do this can claim to have any regard for their children’s welfare. Children deserve to be wanted and loved - not resented for existing by one parent who wishes they hadn’t been born. Nobody would think it acceptable for men to surreptitiously take a condom off during sex because they really wanted to be dads and then say “well, if she didn’t want a baby it was on her to double up with the pill or abstain from sex” so it shouldn’t be any more acceptable in reverse.

Nope never, but then I never wanted to force somebody else into parenthood and make life altering decisions for all of us solo. I respect & love my partner, he respects & loves me, would never cross my mind.

Biologically made 😂😂😂

You mean do I believe in theft of consent?

Absolutely not.

And I question the morals of those who think lying to override somebody’s consent is ever ok.

I successfully did everything I could do to prevent this happening. A previous partner had this happen to him. Resulted in a marriage of 25 plus years- bad start. Not a happy marriage

Especially as there is no need. Just tell your partner you are stopping the use of contraception.

That way everything is open and honest and he can wear condoms if he wishes (most won’t wish).

My ex had had a vasectomy. If I had found out he lied about it / lied about reversing it in the hope of making me pregnant I would have been livid.

I am aware it definitely happens (I believe Melanie McDonough wrote a Spectator article against developments in the male pill and her argument was basically that it means women won’t be able to trick men into parenthood which is sad) and think women who do that are disgusting.

No, and never met anybody like this and my friends and I are very candid in what we talk about. I’m not sure what sort of person could take such a risk on their future child’s life like that.

I know a woman who did this and it worked out for her. She got her child and her man. He’s happy as a sthp.

People will argue “tHAt’s DIffEreNT” and it really isn’t.

Same - nobody in my group of friends who even suggested they would do this. A fair few did “announce” to their partner they were coming off the pill without discussion and left it up to their partner / spouse to use alternative contraception if they chose.

I think that’s fine.

Completely.

If a man removes a condom during sex without the other person agreeing then that is rape. Similarly, if a man agrees to have sex and the woman says she is on birth control, then the man has only consented to having sex under those circumstances. If she is deliberately lying (I'm not talking about contraception failing, or that she accidently forgot a dose but didn't realise, or that other medecine or a tummy upset meant it wasn't reliable but a deliberate lie because she wanted to get pregnant) then the sex is not fully consensual and I also think that would (and should for equality) be classed as rape.

I know of two women where they had discussed at length their desire for a child / another child - in one case that their husband had said no to another… and then accidentally got pregnant.

I have to admit I wouldn’t ask though…!

No. I would never do this, I’d use a bloody sperm bank first.

I know someone who has though, she was in her 40’s, single and wanted a child, not well off, in debt, so met a fwb, who was married.
He’s furious and has nothing to do with the child.

When I was getting frustrated with my husband dragging his feet, I was so surprised how many women told me to just come off the pill and not tell him, and admitting that they had done similar. I never could have done it personally, but it really opened my eyes to how many women must do it.