Have you ever contemplated getting pregnant and saying it was an accident?

[Junnieee]

I thought about this many times before we had DD (now 7). It was never something I would have acted upon but over the years at least three friends have said things in passing that have made me think they’ve shared such thoughts. One friend actually said she often thought about it as her DH kept putting off the time to ttc. Is this that common? Do a lot of women have these thoughts when they get that urge to be a mother?

Not me but know plenty that have.

Sure, but if a woman tells a man that she is on the pill/ coil etc, is the man supposed to disbelieve her and insist on condoms at all times?

Most people would prefer to (and do) trust their partners.

I can imagine a lot of women would not be happy at their partner insisting on a condom even though she's on the pill, because he doesn't believe her.

Hormonal contraceptives are really effective if used properly and if people tell the truth.

@JHound Not a friend, a work colleague thankfully. Though I don’t know if that’s made the fallout any easier tbh.

In the 2020s, it's a fact that the vast majorities of pregnancies are not 'accidental.'

I have never done it. (Tried to get pregnant without my DH being on board.) Never would. It's a despicable thing to do.

The majority aren’t, but it does put women who have had something untoward happen when people automatically jump to the suspicious rather than that something was an accident.

There was a really nasty post on here a few months ago from someone who said here SIL had deliberately got pregnant and they “all” knew it. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the poor cow. Her husband obviously believed her, but just not the IL. I couldn’t imagine going through life like that.

Nope never. But I do know a girl at uni who pretty much intentionally got pregnant, fully planning on having an abortion, as an attention seeking thing. I mean it was so transparent as to be laughable if it didn’t involve another life.

I’m so laughing because every other first few posts is “no but I know someone who did” 😜

😂😂

Yes in 2008

my plan didn’t work - the prospective father saw through it

No way. I had no interest in my children having a crap, uninvolved father. Which is a statistical probability when women play these kinds of games.

I am not alone in this then! :D.

I don’t get how so many pregnancies are “accidental” given the sheer volume of options that are highly effective when used properly. Maybe “careless” is the word they are looking for?

Because most people only use one option. A condom may split, the pill can fail. I went through a period at the start of the year where I was being sick with stress so regularly I had two packs off pills on the go because I could rarely keep one down.

Whilst i believe in a woman’s right to choose, I personally would never have an abortion, and even though I have taken the MAP once, I absolutely wouldn’t take it again.

So whilst I have options to prevent a pregnancy before it happens, if that fails then….

No - but I wanted a fully on board father and knew what I wanted early so had first at 28 - if I'd been later 30s who knows though I think I'd still think not

I suspect Dsis who had two accidents did this - both time relationship already rocky and she was left a single parent.

I had two friends similar age to me with first who said they did this - both DH did get on board but I wouldn't have said realtionship from outside were as good as they could have been - both men wanted kids but as some point one got married while pg other was already married.

Also DH best mate wife now ex said she conceived first child - not best mates - deliberately knowing father her ex was with someone else and involved getting him drunk and lying about her being on pill still- he was never really around even though child was born with a few problems

When I started to worry actually sat DH down and talked to him - already married for a year - not just still on same page but when and how soon - he was much more ameniable to start trying then than I expected.

A male pill would also be helpful to us - as I don't react well to the homone contraceptives and non hormone coil isn't advised due to prior heavy periods - so little option and another would be welcome.

I actually knew a whole culuster of accidents - they were 3/4 or 5 th kids - and mother all had coils - it was investigated but a statistical anomaly - so some accidents are still actual accidents.

There was a thread on here about smaller things posters would never admit to, and people admitted to all sorts. Like eating toenail clippings and all that.
I think it's interesting that it's literally none of us here. But people think it's not unusual. Even anonymously among women this is something people can't admit to even in a place where we admit to everything and share the most personal details of our lives.

I didn't do this, happily I conceived easily etc. But I did say on that other thread, with the dh who had basically lied until the op was 41, that I wouldn't judge if she did it.

Reminder to have a conversation with your sons that contraception is the joint and equal responsibility of both partners. If they do not want to be fathers they can also wear condoms, have vasectomies or abstain.

I think a lot of women are carefully "un-careful" to get a happy accident. And I think they don't admit that.

I got pregnant the first time within 6 months, and the second time within one month of trying, deliberately. I've never had even close to pregnancy care when using contraception, whether that was condom or pill or whatever. The only person I've ever known who had an accidental pregnancy was 16 at the time. I only mention this as husband and I are obviously pretty fertile, sometimes not the most careful, yet still never had an accident! Yes of course I'm aware that anecdotes aren't data but still....

Not saying it never happens, but it seems to happen a suspicious amount of times reported on here, especially to women unhappy in their relationships but who would love another baby.

I suspect a couple of my friends did this highly suspect. I think a lot of people use the excuse “I was on the pill but took an antibiotic so it didn’t work”.

Absolutely. The coil fails, the implant can fail, the Pill fails all the time.. hell, my first sterilisation failed. Oftentimes it IS a bloody accident. Half of us don't want to terminate, and that's OUR choice.

Definitely had the thoughts, was very against having a child (yet) then woke up one day and it just consumed my thoughts. But waited until we got married and both agreed to start trying!

No, because someone who takes autonomy away from another is a cxxt. And I'm not a cxxt.

Pregnancy by deception is disgusting.

Totally no.

But then in ideal world I didn't want to have children unless partner was actively involved. So no way I would have allowed myself to become accidentally pregnant

I know someone who did this, found her “true love” but he had a kid and was one and done. She desperately wanted to be a mother so lied to him about being on the pill. I don’t understand why people say “his fault for not using a condom”?! He made it quite clear he didn’t want kids and she assured him it was taken care of - how do you think he’d have had the conversation saying “I think you’re lying”? I 100% blame her - it was an appalling level of deceit.

Did he hang around or dump her?

I think the op is referring to women who LIE about being on contraception because her aim is to get pregnant. Women shouldn’t be lying to try and trap a man or because she wants kid.

shocking how many people on here have admitted doing this or know someone who has. Once a woman is pregnant because she lied about being on contraception she then expects the man to pay for the next 18 years? So tacky and low standard.
I feel sorry for some men who come across women like this and It’s particularly worse if you’re in a supposedly loving relationship/marriage that your significant other would be that deceitful