Have you ever contemplated getting pregnant and saying it was an accident?

[Junnieee]

I thought about this many times before we had DD (now 7). It was never something I would have acted upon but over the years at least three friends have said things in passing that have made me think they’ve shared such thoughts. One friend actually said she often thought about it as her DH kept putting off the time to ttc. Is this that common? Do a lot of women have these thoughts when they get that urge to be a mother?

I always wanted 3 children but my husband was completely done after number 2. So we had an honest and frank conversation about it, both voicing our opinions. And then had the snip with my full blessing. Once one half of the partnership says no to more children then it's a no. Children are amazing, but expensive and they are hard work. Getting pregnant by deception is just wrong on so many levels and would completely ruin the trust in relationship

Happened to my friend. His casual partner swore blind she had a medical condition she couldn't get pregnant, lo and behold a baby was made, no surprise he wanted no part in it.

Mumsnet LOVES to say "well he should have worn a condom" to double up/be safe... that's just not real life.. he was duped, and now pays £1,100 a month to a woman he despises and a kid he never sees.

100%

He stayed because he was a really decent guy and she knew that.

This is such a ridiculous argument! They’re clearly not going to have vasectomies if they want kids in the future and if a long term partner has told them they are using contraception they’d basically be accusing her of lying by insisting on a condom 🙄. Why do people trot out this shit every time 🤷‍♀️.

Agree.

Women can have recreational sex knowing that abortion is always an option. It does seem unfair.

Tricking someone into parenthood is about the most lowdown thing a person can do in this lifetime. Worse than rape or assault.

See, I disagree. Obviously not about having a vasectomy but wearing a condom.... if a man 100% doesn't want a child then he should wear a condom even if his partner says she is on contraception- no contraception is 100% effective so condoms are an added security plus if there was an accidental pregnancy, then its obviously up to the woman if she wants to abort or go ahead with the pregnancy, the man doesn't get to choose to abort so why not take as much control in preventing unwanted pregnancy as you can?

If you’re in youre both in your late 30s and the man is telling the woman he doesn’t want kids, why wouldn’t he have a vasectomy? He is taking the chance away from the woman to have kids, but hedging his bets and able to change his mind at any time and leave her for someone else.

Christ! Most unhinged response on here. You’ll be saying it would be best to just kill a man than trick him into donating his sperm!

We’re talking about women lying to their partners about using contraception - Jesus the double standards on here are mind blowing! 😩

You don’t think forcing / tricking someone into a life of parenthood is heinous?? How immoral can one get?

To many people it would be a walking death.

Absolutely not. Quite the opposite, in fact. I never wanted to be a parent so I was always very careful about ensuring that didn’t happen.

I’m very well aware that it does happen, though. In my view it’s an appalling, unforgivable betrayal of trust which is the underlying cause of a lot of unhappiness, resentment & broken marriages.

No I would never do this or be friends with anyone who would. Men (and children for that matter) are not just playthings for narcissistic women to manipulate however they want. There is NO excuse for playing around with other people's lives in that way. No not even hormones 🙄get therapy instead.

Well said.

It’s beyond lowdown, scurvy and criminal. Reproductive rape.

No one is so important or irreplaceable that stooping so low to reproduce is acceptable.

It’s despicable
We know someone who admitted she lied about being on the pill and sabotaged condoms.
And she wonders why the bloke doesn’t want much ti do with her.

My friend did it late 20s and it's worked out brilliantly for them

I'm pretty sure my friends ex did it to her ie didn't pull out when he said he would

Every time someone announces a 'suprise' baby, I have an internal eye roll. Aye, a suprise for the bloke perhaps.

I wouldn't do it. It's incredibly selfish with no thought at all about the child.

It’s a tale as old as time that sperm-meets-egg and results in pregnancy. Sexual liberation, and the array of contraception available now, has made people forget that the natural outcome is going to almost inevitably be a pregnancy. That’s how we are made! That’s the risk. If you don’t want a baby, use contraception and understand that even then risk remains. ‘Accidental’ whether genuine or engineered is a risk. This applies to men and women. We are taught this stuff from pre-teen years. Boys and girls.

I don’t think it’s worse than rape or abuse.

I also don’t think it’s as bad as your making out either if I’m being honest.

I don’t think it’s bad as rape but of course it’s bad - can have an appalling affect on the man, not to mention the kids. Children should be wanted by both parties, women who do this are utter shits.

i always marvel (maybe the wrong word) at those who manage to get pregnant accidentally.

it took me 15 long months of bloody hard work to manage it 🤣

Friend suggested I did this when the man I was madly in love with wouldn’t commit. This was about 35 years ago. No I didn’t.

Just remembered I know someone who did. Well she said she didn’t know how it had happened 🙄 but had also told me she really liked his house and could live there happily ( much older man) and knew he’d always wanted children and she wouldn’t have to work if she had his baby. Yes, all worked as she wanted.

The only person I know who has done this is an absolute fruitcake

Never and I had to wait a couple of years for dh to "feel ready".

My SIL though royally fucked over my brother and trapped him with 2 oooooopsie didn't see that coming babies.

He was then unfaithful to her because essentially he doesn't love her but feels duty bound and has subsequently stayed with her.

He is on a cocktail of medication including anti-depressives.

She is a total loon and bitter and rough as they come. Charming.

She ruined his life and hers too.