Have you ever contemplated getting pregnant and saying it was an accident?

[Junnieee]

I thought about this many times before we had DD (now 7). It was never something I would have acted upon but over the years at least three friends have said things in passing that have made me think they’ve shared such thoughts. One friend actually said she often thought about it as her DH kept putting off the time to ttc. Is this that common? Do a lot of women have these thoughts when they get that urge to be a mother?

Not lied to my partner but the rest of the family. We fully was TTC but didn’t tell anyone because we hadn’t know each other that long. We just pretended it was an accident. 🤣 we’re still together and that child never shuts up now 😅

A friend was using condoms with her partner but managed to get him very drunk one night, had sex without using one and when he blearily mentioned the MAP the next day she said no and there was no chance she was in a fertile period. 9 months later she gave birth.

She definitely planned it, he’d said no to marriage or babies, he’d already done both, and she thought he’d change his mind about marriage if she managed to sort the baby. He didn’t. They’ve since split up.

Too drunk to consent to unprotected sex

Same! We were together just over a year when I got pregnant. Happily still together 9 years later, we had another baby as well who is now 2.

But then if a woman decides she doesn’t want any more children then it’s still the man’s responsibility to prevent it by having a vasectomy.

Creating that kind of resentment in an unwilling father is so self-defeating, and very unfair on the half-wanted child

That’s not the same at all and very normal.

I considered it when I was very young and undiagnosed bipolar! I don't believe I'd have actually gone through with it, for me it was just a daydream/fantasy because I couldn't accept that my boyfriend at the time wanted to end things (while still keeping a casual/fwb thing going, yes I was very dumb/naive).

No definitely not, these are the kind of women who get pregnant and say it was an ‘accident’ and then start complaining about what a shit dad their partner is and how they aren’t doing enough when they never wanted the baby in the first place. If your partner knows you aren’t on contraception then that’s on him, but if you’re lying about it then you are really messed up.

For some the urge to have a child is so strong, it's like a temporary insanity. I've never experienced it myself, but my sister definitely did. It became an obsession. She was honest about it with her partner, but she did confess to me that she considered having an 'oops baby'. It took a long time for him to come around, but he did in the end. She had a miscarriage, then had her son at 32. This baby was so desperately wanted, and I don't think it was any coincidence that she actually suffered with PND for a year. Hormones are mostly to blame, I suspect, the natural urge to have children can become super-charged and haywire in some of us. How we act on it is down to our personality and morals, but don't underestimate hormones.

Yes definitely it’s wrong and disgusting

This interesting document reports that approximately a third of all births are due to unplanned pregnancy. With the very widely available access to contraceptives and termination of pregnancy in the U.K. it seems quite likely that a good percentage of these births isn’t exactly unwanted. Not many women would admit to getting pregnant on purpose and some may not even admit it to themselves but of course it happens. We are ( often) programmed to desire babies and in some women this urge is very strong.

Yes, my cousin did this to 2 different men.

Somebody we knew/know really well did it. They had two dc and a third was in their future but she didn’t want to wait. They're all thrilled with the resulting db, (who is grown up now). I'm the only person who knows.

I'm part of that statistic. My first was conceived whilst on the pill, taking it every day and i hadn't been ill, but as my doctor reminded me when I was most upset about this, it is only 98.5% effective (when taking it correctly). I didn't want a termination because I was brought up not to, it just simply wasn't an option.

My second (and supposed to be last), was intentionally conceived, it was instantaneous.

Then I had a surgical sterilisation. Then I had my third child.

Then I had another surgical sterilisation, this time they removed my tubes. So far, no pregnancy, but I honestly wouldn't be surprised even though I'm 47.

Yes. It was my sister!
Her husband came around in the end and they have two boys now but he’s not the most involved dad shall we say.

I am fine with this kind of thing. No deception and everything is upfront and open.

Eugh!

No. My mum merrily admits to doing this. Hi. I was the unwanted third child that broke up my parents' marriage.🖐

Either man or woman why be with someone and have a child they don’t 100% want. Leave. Don’t take away someone’s autonomy. If you are going to have a child put them in the best position to face future challenges head on, don’t add more to their plate. No one can regret not being born after all.

I know. She managed to keep the second man though so I suppose her plan worked that time. Not sure how happy he is though.

The first man she trapped was married with a young child of his own too. Absolutely disgusting.

Anytime someone says to me ‘oh the pregnancy was an accident’ I just think ‘How fucking thick can you be?’

I've heard it many times from women who want to get a boyfriend into marrying them. Extremely common.
I don't agree with that and both DH and I were in agreement when we started trying.

I wouldn't be with someone who needed to be "trapped" though, but many women get fixated on a certain man and do anything to keep them.

I would agree is good to do it for women who were in a long term relationship and suddenly the partner /DH said he didn't want kids anymore, only of they are on the older size because if young they could still find someone who would be a loving father.

I amazed this still works tbh. I always saw trying to baby trap a man as a surefire route to single motherhood.