Daughter to get ensuite bathroom.

[Rhudson1992]

My husband and myself are set to purchase a 4 bedroom 3 bath home, the fist level having the primary suite and attached bath, and the 2nd and 3rd bedroom with hall bath. The 2nd level has 1 bedroom with attached bathroom and a small searing area just outside the bedroom. My original plan was to put daughter (4) in the upstairs bedroom and use the living space as a playroom of sorts. That would mean my stepson (12) would stay in 1 of the 2 bedrooms on the lower level with the hall bath.
Stepson has decided its unfair that he not get his own bathroom. My though was he is sooner to be coming and going on his own than daughter and is no longer in need of the extra play area as he is involved in activites outside the home. I also see it that a developing girl (down the line) might like more privacy from her brother and his friends.

Would it be unreasonable to put her upstairs and him downstairs?

Doesn’t he basically get the hall bathroom (family bathroom) pretty much to himself though?
By the time she’s a “developing girl” he’d be 19 ish - maybe he is thinking he’d like the privacy upstairs now, since he’s a developing boy?

Personally I would give the top floor to the boy who is nearly a teen - quick and easy access to the bath/shower, without necessarily disturbing the rest of the household. Also would give him space to hang out with friends.

I'd give a bedroom on 1st floor to young girl as a restful place (limited toys inside, perhaps teddies) and give i Eid the other bedrooms on that floor as a playroom (if a playroom is essential).

I would expect everyone's bedroom to afford the occupant privacy.

• one of the other

I would want a 4yo on the same floor as me. I would put 12yo upstairs, but on the understanding he gets it until university age. So in approx 6 years they will swap.

That way you have her close to you when she is little, but the kids going through puberty get some privacy.

older teen will be starting to pull away a bit or may only be at home part-time so it’s a natural time to give up the “best” room.

I think it would make more sense to put the 4 year old in one of the rooms on your level. She’s only 4, doesn’t she still call out for you in the night / like to have you near? She won’t need her own bathroom (or privacy) for a few years yet. Whereas the 12 year old will be starting to need it now. More appropriate for him to have a space more seperately when hanging out with his friends etc. And he will actually use the en suite, whereas the 4 year old doesn’t need one yet.

can you make the third bedroom on that level a playroom / spare room, or is it needed as an office?

Yeah, agree with PPs: 4 year old nearest to me; 12 year old more private space.

A four year old doesn't need privacy. A 12 year old does. Giving her a 2nd room and en suite is crazy.

Give him the bedroom with the end suite and let him use the other room as a sitting room. There's plenty time for your daughter to get that room when she's older

YABU. If the girl was older, she should have that room. I'd want the 4 year old on the same floor, and the 12 year old needing more privacy. When she's older, hr will most likely be moved out, or you can swap later. I have a 4 year old and a 12 year old and I definitely wouldn't do it the way you suggested.

I also see it that a developing girl (down the line) might like more privacy from her brother and his friends.

So you think your 4 year old needs privacy in eight or so years time but don’t think a 12 year old might like it now?

YAB completely unreasonable. Give the pre-teen the second floor. Less noisy when he has his friends over, more privacy for him, and surely better for a four year old to be on the same level as the parents and not walking down a flight of stairs when scared/upset/had an accident/whatever.

I’d put the little girl on the top floor and dss on the same floor as us. Better for dss and his friends not to be walking past dds room on the way to the top floor.

I don't think you are being fair to your step son. What does his parent say about this. Four year old does not need the en suite. You are building up resentment from your stepson.
I would also not want a four year old on another level.

Stepson at the top makes the most sense to me. Everyone's getting their own bathroom really. 4 year old will be happier close to you and the playroom, everyone will be happier for the stepson having a bit more separation, and it'll be physically easier on you and 4 year old not having that extra staircase every bed/bath/storytime and night waking.

I wouldn’t give a 4 year old a private bathroom. That’s a potential safety risk to me. Your DS will likely be off to uni in six years so I’d give him the en-suite with the proviso that DD gets it when she turns 10.

I’d put dss on top floor until 21 then swap.

This is a luxury problem and your stepson sounds rather spoilt as either way he’d have a bathroom just for him. However, I’d want my four year old on the same level as me at night (and not so far away in the evening while she’s in bed and you will be downstairs. The teen (as he will be v soon) will benefit much more from the space and privacy upstairs. I wouldn’t like a four year old to be on another floor with a bathroom anyway, just in case she got ideas about running herself a bath without you knowing. You might want to swap her into her brother’s room when he leaves for university especially if he’s mainly living at his mother’s house by then, as can happen but you can cross that bridge when you come to it.

What on earth does a 4 year old need an ensuite for?

I also see it that a developing girl (down the line) might like more privacy from her brother and his friends.

Well, surely she can have the bedroom 8 years down the line, by which time he may have gone off to university anyway?

Your stepson is a developing boy right now, so surely the argument about wanting more privacy from his 4 year sister applies to him at the moment?

I’d be letting the teen boy have the top floor personally. He’ll want more privacy than a 4yo . He can be in and out of his own shower without disturbing anybody else.
I wouldn’t want my 4yo on a separate floor from me at night. My youngest child (5yo) still asks for help getting clothes out of her wardrobe, occasional toilet help, help in the bath/shower etc and I’d rather not have to go up 2 flights of stairs every time she yells “mummy!” 🤷🏻‍♀️😂

Definitely makes more sense for the step son to have top floor

Stepson gets the top floor, four year old gets a bedroom on the same floor as you, for all the reasons already stated. I’d think it was a no brainer to be honest.

That's some fucked up logic

I agree with the majority - in practice everyone gets their own bathroom anyway.

The deciding factor for me would be having the 4yo on the same floor as me and a 12yo boy (and his mates) as far away as possible (I say this lovingly as a mother of grown boys).

You can set up the other bedroom to double as an extra play space for your daughter if needed.

Yeah it's clear he would need the privacy...I think the until 21 agreement is a good one then she gets it when she's a teen and needs privacy. That feels fair :). It looks like a big preference for her otherwise.

Boys develop too you know? By giving a 4 year old the 'top floor' you are showing your DSS how much you value his needs and feelings.

Agreed! It seems that the OP has decided she wants her child to have the bigger room and has came up with this bizarre logic to justify it.