Daughter to get ensuite bathroom.

[Rhudson1992]

My husband and myself are set to purchase a 4 bedroom 3 bath home, the fist level having the primary suite and attached bath, and the 2nd and 3rd bedroom with hall bath. The 2nd level has 1 bedroom with attached bathroom and a small searing area just outside the bedroom. My original plan was to put daughter (4) in the upstairs bedroom and use the living space as a playroom of sorts. That would mean my stepson (12) would stay in 1 of the 2 bedrooms on the lower level with the hall bath.
Stepson has decided its unfair that he not get his own bathroom. My though was he is sooner to be coming and going on his own than daughter and is no longer in need of the extra play area as he is involved in activites outside the home. I also see it that a developing girl (down the line) might like more privacy from her brother and his friends.

Would it be unreasonable to put her upstairs and him downstairs?

Are you the sort of family who has kids round to play/socialise?

A lot of my friends have converted their attics when their children hit their teens. It works well when friends come round (they don’t disturb their parents 2 floors down ). We’re in a townhouse and don’t regret putting DD on our top floor.

Personally I’d hesitate to give an <10 an ensuite. Even if your DC aren’t idiots they are bound to have a friend who is!
I’d also want to have a small child within earshot at night. I’d hesitate to have them a floor apart when you can’t hear them/see that they aren’t going to sleep.

A good compromise would be to suggest a re-arrangement at 16 or 18.

I agree. And I say that as a step-mum! Ridiculous excuses to get her DD the "best" room.

Needing to keep an eye on DSS and his friends?! Um... What?! Why on earth would you need - or want! - to be within earshot of a 12 year old boy and his friends?!

DSD (13) has her friends over and they go upstairs to her room, door closed, giggling, music / TikTok blaring out. No supervision needed.

A 4 year old on her own floor with an en suite apparently needs no supervision though?! Ok then 😂

The only thing with putting the teenager up the top is that you could set up a dynamic where he lives up there and doesn't appear in family areas. But that's always a teenage issue that they can live in their bedrooms!

@Rhudson1992how often is your stepson with you overnight?

This is what I think the op should do. Then have the top floor for guests.

Why on earth would you give your children worse living conditions and save the best for guests? I know people do this. It's insane, in my view. Give your kids what they need and if guests have to sleep in a tent in the garden, then that's what they have to do.

You make it sounds like the children are going to be living in a slum!!! they will be fine, altogether , no arguments , to review when they are all older. We are still missing a crucial bit of info here about how often step son is there but I’d assume the OP has gone now after all the step mum bashing started.

it he is only there once or twice a week then that’s still a waste ( and loads more unnecessary cleaning etc)

It also sounds as though the play area is near the top of the stairs.

I would prefer to keep an eye on my 4yo.

Surely it’s no different from any other child playing in their room with their friends.

Surely the DSS can’t be so bad that you’d sacrifice a 4yo being on her own on a different floor every night.

I actually think you want a floor to yourself and as the DSS isn’t there very often it’s more convenient for you to shove poor DD upstairs.

I absolutely agree with you, there’s definitely a lot more to the story and background with her DSS.

I think this is the winner 🏆 top floor as guest room/home office even perhaps, with chillout zone/snug.

Yeah, absolute waste to give a child who is there twice a week a nice room when you could save it to impress your relatives who visit once every two years.

The bath thing has sold it for me. Plus neither kid can complain if they are both on the same floor with a shared bathroom 😆 I like the idea of a chilled snug area for upstairs where everyone can watch a film or play Lego after bath time, too. Also means a hang out zone available for teens.

A 4 year old doesn't need a private bathroom and frankly I wouldn't trust them with one either and frankly it's dangerous. the oldest should get the upstairs bedroom and the 4 year old on the same level as you . Sounds to me like you want YOUR child to have the best room whether it makes sense or not ( and it doesnt) the 12 year old is going to hit puberty soon your daughter won't for quite a few years yet by which point he may be away at uni or moved out so rooms can be switched anyway

You need to keep an eye on a 12 yo but it's absolutely fine to have a 4 year old on a different floor with unmonitored and unrestricted access to a bathroom? that's some mental gymnastics you've done there to try and get out out of having to be honest and just say your child is the priority and you want her to have the best bedroom not your ss

Personally I wouldn’t want my 4 year old upstairs alone. I’d have her on the same level as me and the ss upstairs to give him more room to have his mates over and she can move up when he has flown the nest.

There are no parenting fails here thanks. The degree of maturity at age twelve varies for many reasons and our son has a few issues which would make me think twice about this kind of set up until he’s a bit older - that’s all. And l didn’t say we monitor their every movement or conversation - far from it. Do you always reach like this just to insult ?

Agree

I refer to my DSS as stepson as he dose have a mother and although she is not around consistently I still feel like she is important and respect her roll as his mother, as I would hope the same for my DD if that were the case.
And yes so far my DSS has required more supervision than DD.
I do see the point about them on the same level, I hadn't considered having to deep clean several bathrooms and I'm not certain DSS would maintain it, we would have to practice.
So far it's sounds like both children on main level but have DSS use the extra space when he has friends over. Then he can help keep the space clean and is offered privacy with his mates but also is not solely responsible for maintaining the entire space, and would separate DD from older boys visiting.

Why not give him the chance to prove himself? 'You can have the top floor to yourself as long as it's kept clean and hygenic and you take responsibility for cleaning the bathroom. If it becomes a health hazard the top floor will be off limits to all children for a while' Remember if it is his space it will kindof be out of sight out of mind so as long as it doesn't smell bad or is gravely unhygenic it isn't really a problem.Also it would be good for him to learn to keep his own space clean for when he moves out.

We don’t know how often DSS is there so yet another reach just to be insulting.

He's here full time. Occasional days out with mom.

OMG! OP, he must have the en-suite! Please!

Would it be appropriate to do a trail run with him upstairs before setting up the full bedroom? Like fully decorating, paint new furniture ect.
I say he has required more supervision because of some concerning behavior in our current home like burning the carpet and putting large holes in the wall of his current bedroom. We have been addressing this behavior and it has improved over the last year but im still concerned for his safety and the upkeep of the house.
I do agree about daughter having access to bathroom alone although so far she has shown no interest in playing in a bathroom. I guess that could change if the opportunity presented itself.
Also would giving him more responsibility be better? Maybe more of a sense of pride and wanting to keep it nice?

Oh bloody hell OP, in that case of course he needs the space!