Daughter to get ensuite bathroom.

[Rhudson1992]

My husband and myself are set to purchase a 4 bedroom 3 bath home, the fist level having the primary suite and attached bath, and the 2nd and 3rd bedroom with hall bath. The 2nd level has 1 bedroom with attached bathroom and a small searing area just outside the bedroom. My original plan was to put daughter (4) in the upstairs bedroom and use the living space as a playroom of sorts. That would mean my stepson (12) would stay in 1 of the 2 bedrooms on the lower level with the hall bath.
Stepson has decided its unfair that he not get his own bathroom. My though was he is sooner to be coming and going on his own than daughter and is no longer in need of the extra play area as he is involved in activites outside the home. I also see it that a developing girl (down the line) might like more privacy from her brother and his friends.

Would it be unreasonable to put her upstairs and him downstairs?

That's completely different to what you wrote in your first post. You're trying to justify yourself when everyone disagrees with you. And it doesn't make sense anyway, as you'll need to keep a closer eye on a four year old now.

Yes I feel that this is the underlying issue too..

I think so.

And as a word of warning, op, it’s likely your DSS can see it for what it is too.,

I wouldn’t want my 4yo to have access to an en-suite (my house has 2 en-suite bedrooms too and it was a pita when the dc were small) and I wouldn’t want them playing/sleeping 2 floors up from the main living space and on a different floor to their parents during the night. It’s much better for the 12yo to have the room with the private bathroom and extra study space than to shove a 4yo up there to play on her own. I think it would be fair if they swapped when the 4yo is going into year 7/8/9 by which time the elder child will be 19+ and I would say that now so it’s not a surprise later.

A 4 year old needs to be closer to you. A 12 year old needs privacy. I sure as shit wouldn't put a 4 year old on a different floor and with an en-suite. That's just asking for trouble!

I would have both kids on the same floor as me and the top floor as a guest room/study/extra playroom.

I would want 4yo near me but if top floor has only bath she will obviously have to at least have access to it

A 4 year old does not need her own bathroom. Plus she should be closer to your bedroom incase of an issue in the night.
Your stepson is 12 and is going or shortly going to be going through puberty. Privacy is important for teenagers. I think your logic is weird and sounds like you just want your daughter to have the ‘best’ room.

Bedroom allocation doesn't have to be set in stone. My two have switched bedrooms multiple times over the years. Sometimes they've just gone ahead and done it themselves without even telling us dragging furniture and boxes down the hallway. Put the children in the rooms that are right for them now and in the near future, not one decade hence.

I haven't read the full thread but I just wanted to ask you to give some thought about the wisdom of letting your four year old have access to a bath tub while you are on the next floor down. I have a friend who had a dreadful bathroom accident with her little son and because of this it would be an absolute no no for me.

You need to relax the grip a bit of the DSS. He’s 12, you can still be there in a parenting/supervision role but he doesn’t need the same level of vigilance as a 4yo

he needs to have the top floor room. Until he’s at Uni at least.

your dd needs to be on your floor.

I wouldn't worry about her keeping too close an eye on the stepson; that's almost certainly just something she is saying to justify giving her daughter the best room in case she needs it in 10 years' time when the step son will almost cartainly have moved out anyway, if this is typical of the way he is treated.

Funny how every couple of pages there’s another attempt to turn this into yet another wicked stepmother thread. I’m a step mum with another biological child and l don’t get that vibe at all. If that were the case why on earth would OP come on to MN for advice, knowing that the general consensus is that step parents are the root of all evil and step children must be accommodated to the exclusion of all else.

Given DD is only 4, I'd have her on the same floor as me for the time being and give step son the upper floor. I wouldn't fancy the idea of a play area two floors up, it would be difficult to keep an eye for play dates etc. By the time DD would really benefit from the top floor suite, step son will likely be staying over much less and you can swap them then.

Agreed .

It’s a ludicrous suggestion.

He doesn’t need you to be watching his every move. I’d be keener to be on the same floor as my 4 year old. My 4 year old definitely still needs us when he’s unwell etc in the night. Your dss may have even moved out by the time your dd needs her own bathroom! Edit - agree with the safety issues for a 4 year old with access to a bath!

Because looking for support for what she wants to do? We already know the DSS has objected, quite possibly his Dad too.

I have a stepdaughter and a biological child of similar age to OP’s. There is no way l would want him out of earshot in a top room with his friends. I think a better solution is that they are allocated the two rooms on the lower floor with the hallway bathroom until the boy is a bit older, at which point he can take the top room. I think if OP hadn’t mentioned the boy is her step child, the discussion would be kept to the practicalities OP has asked advice on, so l’m confidently predicting an all out pile on by the end of the thread.

Stepson should get the room with the en-suite. When he goes to uni or turns 21 then it then goes to your daughter. Giving it to your daughter now because she’s a girl and will need privacy later is frankly ridiculous.

Be honest OP. That's not the real reason you want your daughter to have the better room is it?

I’m not sure that’s fair. I don’t think anyone would say put your biological four year old in the top en-suite ahead of your biological 12 year old.
I mean it simply makes no sense.

You wouldnt want a 12 year old to be out of earshot? What, ever?

Which is why she’s come to MN for advice. If there was any bias because the boy is a step child this would be the last place to ask.

People are seeing "wicked stepmother" because OP's arguments for giving her DD the top floor room are extremely weak. For example, suggesting that it's important to have 12 year old SS close at hand for supervision, whilst it's seemingly ok for a 4 year old to be two floors away with unsupervised access to a bathroom with bathtub. Hence people are assuming there is a different reason, and OP is making up other ones to justify her position.

Well … second or third to last. Sounds like at least some of the family object too.

The truth is there ARE a lot of posts where SMs are treating their own bio child differently and I guess that’s why it gets called out on MN.

I'd give the 12 year old the upstairs with the bathroom. He'll get far more of a benefit from the privacy. I also have a 4 year old and the idea of them on a separate floor to me, especially one with a bathroom, fills me with dread.