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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter to get ensuite bathroom.

274 replies

Rhudson1992 · 23/04/2025 00:10

My husband and myself are set to purchase a 4 bedroom 3 bath home, the fist level having the primary suite and attached bath, and the 2nd and 3rd bedroom with hall bath. The 2nd level has 1 bedroom with attached bathroom and a small searing area just outside the bedroom. My original plan was to put daughter (4) in the upstairs bedroom and use the living space as a playroom of sorts. That would mean my stepson (12) would stay in 1 of the 2 bedrooms on the lower level with the hall bath.
Stepson has decided its unfair that he not get his own bathroom. My though was he is sooner to be coming and going on his own than daughter and is no longer in need of the extra play area as he is involved in activites outside the home. I also see it that a developing girl (down the line) might like more privacy from her brother and his friends.

Would it be unreasonable to put her upstairs and him downstairs?

OP posts:
Strictlymad · 23/04/2025 07:51

Teen gets the top floor, girl won’t be a developing girl as you out it for another 10 years when son most likely long gone to uni. I wouldn’t have a 4 year old on another floor either and essentially will have own bathroom as no one else will be using family bathroom.

Myalternate · 23/04/2025 07:52

I don’t really understand the problem…
Eldest child gets the additional space and en-suite. It’s a no brainer.

Middleagedstriker · 23/04/2025 07:55

Of course he gets the ensuite. DSS used to get the single room and his 3 (half) siblings shared a room until the eldest was 10. But that time he was 20 and had moved into his own place but would sleep in the sitting room on a blow up bed when he stayed.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 23/04/2025 07:59

How often doess stepson stay?

SausalitoSue · 23/04/2025 08:00

Talipesmum · 23/04/2025 00:14

Doesn’t he basically get the hall bathroom (family bathroom) pretty much to himself though?
By the time she’s a “developing girl” he’d be 19 ish - maybe he is thinking he’d like the privacy upstairs now, since he’s a developing boy?

This! Why can’t he have the top floor for the next 7 years or so?

MamaorBruh · 23/04/2025 08:04

Why would you want 4yr old on a different level to you, and why would you not give the almost teen, more room and privacy?! Makes total sense for him to have it now, and then when your daughter is older, swap rooms by which point he'll either be off to Uni/own place/coming and going.
I wouldn't dream of giving the 4yr old the biggest space over a teenager.
Also, why would you want to use as a playroom of sorts - if you guys are downstairs then she is 2 levels up away from you at such a young age.

Cyclingmummy1 · 23/04/2025 08:09

4yo on the same floor as you. 12yo out of the way.

GoatCatTaco · 23/04/2025 08:12

Does the ensuite have a bath? If not, I'd put the 4 year old near the bath.
I'd also prefer the 4 year old on the same floor as me.

Workhardcryharder · 23/04/2025 08:18

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 23/04/2025 06:39

And once the door is opened the pile on begins. OP is a step parent and this is MN so the decision must be because he’s not her biological child. I think the line of thinking is that a girl would want more privacy and the ages of the children and the practicalities just haven’t been thought through. I don’t think anything OP has said indicates she thinks any less of DSS - she’s just trying to accommodate everyone.

Show quote history

Eye roll

Lampzade · 23/04/2025 08:18

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 23/04/2025 07:37

Sorry. I’m a step mum too, and have a child of my own, and as l said, l can’t see anything in OP’s post other than asking for advice on the practicalities. I’m not intending to derail the thread, just pointing out that it was headed in the direction of every other thread concerning step children. And if you scroll back there are several posts insinuating nasty step mum putting her own child first.

Show quote history

To be fair.
I think to most it is a no brainer that the SS gets the upstairs room with the en suite .
It doesn’t make sense that a four year old should be on a separate floor to her parents with access to water.
I don’t believe for one moment that if OP’s SS was biologically hers that she would even post about this . The twelve year old would automatically be given the room upstairs with the en-suite
It is understandable that some posters have come to the conclusion that Op is being unfair to her SS

HairyToity · 23/04/2025 08:21

Ponderingwindow · 23/04/2025 00:22

I would want a 4yo on the same floor as me. I would put 12yo upstairs, but on the understanding he gets it until university age. So in approx 6 years they will swap.

That way you have her close to you when she is little, but the kids going through puberty get some privacy.

older teen will be starting to pull away a bit or may only be at home part-time so it’s a natural time to give up the “best” room.

To me this is the perfect solution. I'd also want four year old on same floor.

Sofiewoo · 23/04/2025 08:21

It does seem as though you think the top bedroom with the en-suite is the best room and so your daughter should get it over the step son and are coming up with reasons to justify it when it reality it doesn’t even make the most sense to have her up there.

Trendyname · 23/04/2025 08:23

YABU and unfair to your DSS. Give him the 2nd floor room. It's also important for your relationship with him that he feels you consider his needs fairly.

crumblingschools · 23/04/2025 08:24

@Rhudson1992 do you plan to have any more children?

DisforDarkChocolate · 23/04/2025 08:29

I'd put him on the top level. He needs privacy at his age, I'd also rather have a 4 year old on the same floor as me.

EdithBond · 23/04/2025 08:29

Your step son is the eldest child and a young adult. He should have the first pick and more privacy.

A 4 year old doesn’t need an en-suite. It’s also safer to have a 4 year old on a lower floor to you (falls on stairs, in case of fire). She may feel a bit isolated and scared on her own on the top floor.

Eggtoastie · 23/04/2025 08:34

EdithBond · 23/04/2025 08:29

Your step son is the eldest child and a young adult. He should have the first pick and more privacy.

A 4 year old doesn’t need an en-suite. It’s also safer to have a 4 year old on a lower floor to you (falls on stairs, in case of fire). She may feel a bit isolated and scared on her own on the top floor.

I've heard it all now - a twelve year old is not a "young adult"!

TheCurious0range · 23/04/2025 08:36

I'd rather a teen boy had his own bathroom, also in a fire etc I'd rather be on the same floor as the 4 year old

namechanged221 · 23/04/2025 08:39

I'd see putting a 4 year old on the top floor alone with private bathroom as a safety risk?

It will also be a big pain in the arse running up and down there to check on her in the night etc?

Epidote · 23/04/2025 08:42

Top floor for the boy. That way the girl is close to you in the night. I wouldn't want to go upstairs any time she is felling unwell. The play roon can be still a play room.

Gundogday · 23/04/2025 08:43

Four year old in same floor as you. Teen on top floor. I get you want to give your four year old extra play room, but at four she needs to be nearer her parents.

Goinggreymammy · 23/04/2025 08:44

Agree with PPs who say better to have 4yr old on same floor as you.
I'd also add that using the seating space outside the room as a play room doesn't sound like it would work. When would she play there? I doubt a 4 year old would go up two floors away from rest of family to play with her toys.

blueybingochilli · 23/04/2025 08:44

Of course the poor step child gets the best room. Fuck your own biological child and their needs.

blueybingochilli · 23/04/2025 08:45

EdithBond · 23/04/2025 08:29

Your step son is the eldest child and a young adult. He should have the first pick and more privacy.

A 4 year old doesn’t need an en-suite. It’s also safer to have a 4 year old on a lower floor to you (falls on stairs, in case of fire). She may feel a bit isolated and scared on her own on the top floor.

Since when do CHILDREN get the first pick ? 😆 in our house us parents would be doing the picking and allocating !

Couldnotthinkofausername · 23/04/2025 08:47

I like the idea that your stepson gets the ensuite and living room as a hang out space the first 6 years and then switch when your daughter is old enough to need her own space.

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