Daughter to get ensuite bathroom.

[Rhudson1992]

My husband and myself are set to purchase a 4 bedroom 3 bath home, the fist level having the primary suite and attached bath, and the 2nd and 3rd bedroom with hall bath. The 2nd level has 1 bedroom with attached bathroom and a small searing area just outside the bedroom. My original plan was to put daughter (4) in the upstairs bedroom and use the living space as a playroom of sorts. That would mean my stepson (12) would stay in 1 of the 2 bedrooms on the lower level with the hall bath.
Stepson has decided its unfair that he not get his own bathroom. My though was he is sooner to be coming and going on his own than daughter and is no longer in need of the extra play area as he is involved in activites outside the home. I also see it that a developing girl (down the line) might like more privacy from her brother and his friends.

Would it be unreasonable to put her upstairs and him downstairs?

I’d do that too - and possibly outline the plan so he doesn’t feel ousted when the time comes.

This plan is fair and has the benefit of giving the older one the time first. Oh

This would be my solution. I'd want a four year old near me on the same floor. The risk of flooding would concern me, my grandchildren get carried away playing ducks in the sink water everywhere twice, drowning, scalding, illness nightmares, sleep walking.

Personally I couldn't relax.

My youngest a teenager got his own room and bathroom upstairs for privacy. Before then he was just down the hall.

My thought was I was more easily able to keep an eye on DSS and friends as they would be in earshot.
The bedrooms are similar in size and the upstairs is the bathtub bathroom.
No I'm not planning more children.

Wouldn’t you need to keep an eye on your 4 year old though? I can’t imagine many people wanting to have a play room 2 floors up for a 4 year old to play on their own.

If you don’t trust the step son and his friends they can hang out downstairs.

I’m not sure why you think the 12 year old would need more supervision than the 4 year old?

This would be my preference too.

Is he really such a liability?

Absolutely no to a 4yo with access to their own bathtub on a different floor to me.

Why do you need to keep an eye on a 12yr old but not your 4yr old? Let’s face it, she won’t use the room except to sleep because young kids like to be around people.

The bathtub would be a safety risk for me, if she decided to run her own bath or bathe her dolls or something and either flooded the place or injured herself.

There’s obviously some back story to DSS and his friends if you feel the need to keep an eye on them.

I'd just keep both kids on the lower floor and use the top floor as a shared space, especially if it's the only bathroom with a bath.

You don’t really need to keep the 12 year olds in earshot, but you will need to keep dd in earshot, far too young to be on a seperate floor and having access to a bathtub.

Does the step son live with you all the time? If not, then 4 year old gets first choice of room. But if he does, then I think the older child (almost teen) should get the separate space with more privacy and you should stay closer to the younger child. You could agree that in 6 years time when he goes to Uni or whatever that your duaghter can move upstairs. She'll be 10 then - still younger then your step son is now. A secondary school aged child can make good use of a separate study space.

It makes far more sense to give your step son the upstairs.

It's your house and your rules but I'd say the unwritten rule is that the oldest child gets the best room? This would be on the agreement though that ss moves to smaller room or moves out when dd reaches age 12 to give her the same privacy and spacious living space that ss has had during his teenage years. Is there nowhere else dd could use as a playroom? Tbh though I would just put what you can fit into her bedroom and other areas and encourage recycling of other things. It's nice to have toys but I've found with my 7YO that the more toys she has the less she actually plays with them. A few dolls, art supplies and lego is really all she plays with. I'm not a helicopter parent but I'm not sure I'd want all of my 4YO's toys to be 2 floors above our main living space either. Either she'll not want to play up there alone or you'll end up feeling like you should be up there with her so that you can hear what's going on

Edit; It's just also occured to me that the top floor has a bath. That's a massive risk for such a small child to be up there alone. No way would I be doing that.

I’d give the stepson upstairs, and make it his responsibility to clean the bathroom there. Loses the privilege if he doesn’t do it regularly.

I want my DD to have 'the best' room, so will bend myself out of shape justifying it.

That compounds the negative message you're already sending him. You need to have a good think about your relationship and how you're treating him before he gets any older as you're really not doing anything to help your relationship with him. I'd you continue on this track, you're storing up discord and giving him very negative messages

The logic of needing to keep more of an eye on a 12yo than a 4yo is wild!! You will absolutely breed resentment in your 12yo if you do this, boys need privacy too, as others have said give him the upstairs on the proviso that they swap when your daughter gets to 12/he moves out, whichever is sooner. I have a 4yo and 6yo and can't imagine having either of them on a different floor to me, they both sleep well but there are of course still nights where they are sick/in pain and I would hate to be charging up a flight of stairs to care for them. Also, if they play in their rooms and I am downstairs I can shout up to them/quickly nip up to check, would be much more difficult to hear them up two flights. Wild!!

Agree re the distant playroom. It really isn’t practical.

Step son has the en-suite room, by the time your daughter is old enough to be bothered by such things, he will be an adult and most likely moved on.
Alternatively neither of them have it and its used for guest room/office/playroom.

YABU. And totally illogical.

Nah, you’ve got this the wrong way around.
Keep your DD close while she’s little. Give the 12 year old some privacy and independence.

I promise you will be happier being able to hear what a 4 year old is up to than a group of teenagers. Of course you need to keep an eye on them, but you shouldn't really be listening in to the teenage chat - you'll probably regret it!

I have 12/8 year olds and it would be a no-brainer for me to give my daughter the 3rd floor. Sounds perfect for a teenager and actually not particularly safe for a young child unless you had no other option.

Trusting a 4-year old to have unrestricted access to an en-suite is... brave.

She doesn't need it yet. You acknowledge that when she's older, she might want the privacy. You have an older kid - the stepson. He needs the privacy right now. Your decision makes me sad for your stepson. It reeks of favouritism tbh. There's nothing practical or safe about having such a young child sleeping on a different floor to you with access to running water while you're asleep.

Agree, my 12 year old son has an en suite.
I think they will be shaving ina few years, taking smelly big man poos and have friends staying, so en suite is good for this age of boy.
An age 4 girl doesnt need a bathroom and won't really for another 6 to 8 years, at which point you can have an agreement to swap once he gets to 18/20 and will likely not be spending much time at home.

It's not so much the room and what it offers, but I personally would want my four year old on the same level as me. I would be always worrying that she would come to find me in the night and be disoriented and fall down the stairs. But by the time she's 12/13 he will likely not be spending as much time there as he'll be at uni or out with mates so they could swap then

Also I would setting a rule that he keeps it clean, that is part of the ensuite privilege. My step son would not be trusted with an ensuite it would be rank in a week 😂