Daughter to get ensuite bathroom.

[Rhudson1992]

My husband and myself are set to purchase a 4 bedroom 3 bath home, the fist level having the primary suite and attached bath, and the 2nd and 3rd bedroom with hall bath. The 2nd level has 1 bedroom with attached bathroom and a small searing area just outside the bedroom. My original plan was to put daughter (4) in the upstairs bedroom and use the living space as a playroom of sorts. That would mean my stepson (12) would stay in 1 of the 2 bedrooms on the lower level with the hall bath.
Stepson has decided its unfair that he not get his own bathroom. My though was he is sooner to be coming and going on his own than daughter and is no longer in need of the extra play area as he is involved in activites outside the home. I also see it that a developing girl (down the line) might like more privacy from her brother and his friends.

Would it be unreasonable to put her upstairs and him downstairs?

Typical step kids thread, I’d bet all my money that if the 12yr old was biologically yours he’d be in that top floor room for all the reasons people have stated. But as he’s a SS he’s a second class family member in his Dad’s home.

Op, I really don’t understand your logic for wanting to give your 4 year old dd the en-suite
Smacks of favouritism imo. Not nice

I don't know about your 4 yo OP, but when my DC were that age they wouldn't have wanted a play area at the top of the house away from everyone else. Won't you constantly be running up and down two flights of stairs to check on her or because she wants to show you something?

I missed the bit where he’s your stepson! Less surprised now

Was waiting for someone to play the step child card.

Is it because he’s a step child or a boy that he doesn’t require privacy?

I agree with PPs that you want your DD to have the bigger room and are finding the logic to fit.

You think it’s important that your DD has privacy when she is a teen, but not important that your 12 year old SS has it now?

You want your 4 year old to have a playroom at the top of a set of stairs two floors away from your living space? But think it wouldn’t be nice for the 12 year old (and for you) for them to have a space for when their friends come over?

And once the door is opened the pile on begins. OP is a step parent and this is MN so the decision must be because he’s not her biological child. I think the line of thinking is that a girl would want more privacy and the ages of the children and the practicalities just haven’t been thought through. I don’t think anything OP has said indicates she thinks any less of DSS - she’s just trying to accommodate everyone.

YABU

Oldest one gets the top floor room with en-suite. That’s how we’ve done it. When DS 24 moved out last year DS17 moved up there.

Your 4 year old should be on the same floor as you for safety.

Yes this, do boys opinion's not matter? (Definitely no need for anyone to answer that we are all physic)

Playing the step child card? By pointing out the glaringly obvious?

How is that playing the step child card?

I am a step parent and would give my step child the ensuite bathroom and seating area over my own much younger child to use as a study area because they are at an age to require it. The 4 year old won't need their own bathroom for another 7-8 years. All children's needs matter.

Stepson should get the ensuite and more privacy.

This

I’d give the SS the attached bathroom.

What a problem to have anyway. Plenty of families have just one bathroom. Agree with the majority here.The oldest upstairs and your DD on the same level.

This is unkind OP. I’m both a step mum and a bio mum, and I understand the natural instinct to favour your own child (even if few will admit it).

Your child won’t be developing for another 7+ years. A preschooler does not need their own bathroom, that is bonkers. Teenage boys do need privacy.

I would deal with the situation you have now, and give your step son the ensuite, but say to him that DD should have a turn when she’s older (ie his age) so it evens out

How often does DSS stay? If it’s 50/50, he should get the ensuite. If it’s every weekend, DD should get the ensuite.

It’s only a typical step kids thread if posters turn it into one. If OP hadn’t mentioned that the boy was a step child the answers would be concentrating on the merits of the potential room set ups. As it is, the very first post criticising from the step child angle has set the tone and OP may as well have the thread deleted. Instead of practical advice l predicts a pile on in which OP will be told repeatedly what a shit step parent she is and how her DSS’s needs take precedence over anything and everything else. Batshit, step parent hating MN strikes again.

I think you’ve got this the wrong way around. Dd should be near you until she’s 11-12, ss should have the en-suite for 8 years

The assumption is that OP’s decision is because the boy is her step child. There isn’t one single word in the OP to suggest that. It’s an assumption that will lead to yet another pile on and the thread will become a discourse on shit step parenting.

I wouldn’t want a 4 yo on a different floor

As a child who was generously given the droom with the ensuite.... she is going to be too petrified to use it. The sharks in the toilet are waiting for her.

I agree.

I can’t think why putting a 4 yo on the top floor because it has an en-suite is a better idea than a 12yo.

Surely you’d want to be on the same floor as your 4yo?

In 6 years time when DD is 10 and starting to develop, DS will be 20 and she can have the top floor and he can have a bedroom on the second floor.
Tell him this plan now so he knows what to expect in the future.

Older child = bigger room.
Younger child = nearer parents.