Daughter to get ensuite bathroom.

[Rhudson1992]

My husband and myself are set to purchase a 4 bedroom 3 bath home, the fist level having the primary suite and attached bath, and the 2nd and 3rd bedroom with hall bath. The 2nd level has 1 bedroom with attached bathroom and a small searing area just outside the bedroom. My original plan was to put daughter (4) in the upstairs bedroom and use the living space as a playroom of sorts. That would mean my stepson (12) would stay in 1 of the 2 bedrooms on the lower level with the hall bath.
Stepson has decided its unfair that he not get his own bathroom. My though was he is sooner to be coming and going on his own than daughter and is no longer in need of the extra play area as he is involved in activites outside the home. I also see it that a developing girl (down the line) might like more privacy from her brother and his friends.

Would it be unreasonable to put her upstairs and him downstairs?

I've always felt it was more practical having younger children closer to the parents bedroom. Think of them waking up sick, nightmares, yelling for you or hurting themselves and you can't hear them, And surely the child going through puberty would need more privacy?

Ime kids don’t use the bloody playroom anyway! So you might want to consider that too.

Yes, that is the assumption. OP may not have said it but it was very clear. As I said, I am a step parent and I also have my own children. I have been both for over 20 years and i know how different the feelings towords bio and step children are. That is how i can read between the lines.

OP isn't an evil stepmother for wanting her DD to have the room. But when you are a step parent there is a much bigger picture.

OP asked here for advice and that is what they are being given. No one has 'piled on' or insinuated they are anything other than a loving parent so you can bore off with your agenda to derail the thread.

Believe me, you’ll soon tire at the extra stairs every day if your daughter is on the top floor, especially if she’ll be playing up there during the day too.

DSS on the top floor would be much better for him re privacy and the extra space for mates to hang out.

Not sure why people are questioning the SS angle. In most other households with children of those ages the oldest would be in the top floor room. However, in most town house style homes I’ve seen that top room is the main bedroom especially as it does normally have an extra seating/dressing room

Step son gets top room it with the understanding that when he is 18 the top room goes to Dd and he’ll get the other room. Make it clear there will eventually be a swap.

Don’t put a 4 yo On their own floor with access to running water and no supervision.
The 12 yo needs that floor.

I'd want the younger child near me. She's 4, she doesn't need an ensuite or playroom at the top of the house with no supervision.

SDS would benefit from having space to have friends round, to play games, for homework and for privacy. I'd make a rule about keeping his bathroom clean though.

I agree with others, taking the en suite out the equation I would want my 4 year old on the same level to me.

I agree with you OP. The people who actually live there get the bigger rooms. Your daughter is more likely to have big toys plus take baths.

Well I agree with the first part of this but not the second - of course a 12 year old doesn't need a room with en suite and additional seating area.

I’d give the older child the bedroom with the en suite. I’d want a 4 year old close by and at that age I’d still be involved in bathing etc. she has the sole use of the hall bathroom and he has space to hang out with his friends without being on top of you.

Nobody "needs" that floor/room.

But yes, put the oldest where he wants to be. Apart from the fact that it will be more practical for you, let the child pick that will actually remember the choice.

As others have said let the stepson have it on the condition that the weekend after his 18th birthday they swap. I do think you need to be really firm setting that out now as otherwise I can see it becoming one of those things that never happens. Also at 18 or 21 a youngster having a floor of a house with a private bathroom is going to be very difficult to encourage to move out- so I don’t think you could rely on him saying I’ll keep the room because I’m moving out soon.

Top flor for the teen, he can have workdesk, computers and sofa in the play area. Make it a teen pad. When your DD is a teen she can have the space

Here to agree with the majority, I think I’d give the top bedroom to the lad but say to him that once he’s at Uni/of Uni age then he’ll be expected to swap with his sister so she gets her teens up there

Agree with the majority that you are thinking about this backwards. Your stepson would benefit now, your daughter will likely spend very little time up there for years yet. Honestly you’ll appreciate having the teenager up a floor if you want an early night anyway, and if your daughter needs you in the night or is unwell you’ll appreciate having her close.

But yes - agree they should swap back at a specific point. Maybe when she turns 12 as that’s the ‘teenage’ space.

Yes I also agree oldest child gets the top floor, I have a 4 year old, trust me when I say they will not go to the 2nd floor to use a playroom. They want to be as close to you as possible and play around you. As others said compromise with him and say he gets it till uni and then they swap when daughter is coming up to high school age. Think that's a fair compromise. :)

I'd give a 12 year old boy his own bathroom before I'd give it to a 4 year old girl. You won't want a 4 year old playing on the top floor when you are 2 floors down anyway.

A 4 year old gets absolutely nothing from having an ensuite. Let DSS have it now til he's 18 then your DD gets it when she's 12. That's fair.

Sorry. I’m a step mum too, and have a child of my own, and as l said, l can’t see anything in OP’s post other than asking for advice on the practicalities. I’m not intending to derail the thread, just pointing out that it was headed in the direction of every other thread concerning step children. And if you scroll back there are several posts insinuating nasty step mum putting her own child first.

As should definitely get the top floor room

Wholehearted agreement.

My though was he is sooner to be coming and going on his own than daughter

I genuinely have no idea why this would influence the room choice.

and is no longer in need of the extra play area as he is involved in activites outside the home.
The top floor is a nice space for SS to have his friends over and be out from under your feet. And, if he's a gamer, far enough away for him not to disturb you. Your DD will want to be playing in the living room near you and not one two floors away. And your DD will surely do activities outside the home as well?

I also see it that a developing girl (down the line) might like more privacy from her brother and his friends.

Boys like privacy from girls as well ...
With an 8 year age difference, you plan for the situation you have now, not the one in 6 years time.

I am usually in the ‘whoever is there the most gets the biggest room’ camp

but having your 4 year old on a different floor is ridiculous.

( three floor houses rarely work well for families - we’ve always avoided at all costs!)

Older child should definitely get the top floor with en suite. Good idea to clarify that - in interests of fairness - that it will swap over when youngest is 12/13