In-laws always seat me away from my child at dining table

[charcharsydney]

I have a two-year-old son. When we visit my In-laws (who are French and live in France), every lunch and dinner (which are full hour long meals) I am seated away from him. Like, other side of the table and down from him (not opposite). My husband will be placed next to him, as well as one of the In-laws, usually my FIL or a SIL.

It's not a "sit where ever you want" situation. There are napkin holders with our names on them, and the in-laws will specifically pick where people sit so there is definitely some kind of thought process behind the seating arrangements. NFI what that is though.

It's always slightly annoyed me and when I raised it with my husband he brushed it off and told me I can just move places if I want. I have never done so as, with the language and cultural barriers, it seemed easier to let it slide.

However, my son turned two yesterday and there was a family lunch. There were 11 of us and AGAIN I was sat opposite side, towards the other end of the table. I didn't realise how upset it made me until the cake came out and everyone was taking photos and videos and singing to him and and I wasn't there next to him. I got very teary and brushed it off as being emotional for his birthday, but I'm so upset about this and don't know if I'm just being super sensitive.

I don't have any issues with my in laws but it just feels like a micro aggression.

So, AIBU??

YANBU. Swap places with your husband next time

Very odd behaviour by your in laws.
I’d ask politely but directly to be sat close to him.

Yes, say to your husband 'Ah, you're seated next to him again. Swap with me as it's my turn'. Given what he's said he can hardly disagree.

YANBU. But all you have to do is say “I’d like to sit next to DS today please” with a smile while you swap the napkin rings with someone else.

Swap places with someone. Your husband okayed it so I don't know why you don't instead of crying about it. What are your in laws going to do? Force you to move?

Are you a different race?

Your husband said it was fine to swap, you should have swapped. Do it next time, casually with no drama.

Yanbu but bloody hell I’d have loved this. It was always me sat next to DS, cutting his food up, wiping his snotty nose, entertaining him
and getting up to get him another drink while DH got to eat his food while it was still hot and enjoyed the time socialising with the other adults. Be careful what you wish for!

Yeh I'd just say I'm swapping these name tags so I can sit next to son. I wouldn't ask, just say it is happening. It could be well meant, they think you deserve a non interrupted meal, but you don't like it so sort it. I wouldn't like it either!

MIL used to do this when my DD were small but so i could eat my food in peace

If it upsets you swap with DH. I’m sure he will be pleased to.

Is it possible they’re doing it to give you a break?

How often do you visit?

I would swap yours and your h’s name tags as he’s said that it’s ok.

It’s understandable that the ILs want to sit with your son and playing devils advocate here but is it possible that they are trying to give you a chance to eat uninterrupted for a change ?

Oh my gosh even on his birthday? I'd have been really, really, sad too.

Use your voice.

YANBU to want to sit next to your son.

YABU to cry about it rather than just say something.

I agree with PPs that your ILs are probably trying to be nice and give you a break.

I don't get why you're crying at not being next to him...you're right there, at the same table. You can see him and hear him and talk to him.
Not getting it.

But if somehow it's important, just swap.qith your husband..why sit where you do t want to be and then cry about it?

Are they trying to encourage your son to speak French when visiting. Are you seated near family members who speak English well?

Me too!

Perhaps they think they are giving you a break.

I also wonder if they are creating a situation where he is immersed in the language rather than you translating for him or talking to him in English? Is that a possibility given language spoken?

Brilliant if it is, your DS will be so confidently bilingual!

Haven't you asked why? My first thought was as others have said which is that you then get your dinner in peace, is there another reason?

I would think it's to give you a break so you can eat in peace. Is something else going on that you're getting tearful about being a few metres away when he gets cake? It seems extreme. Had he recently started full time nursery or something?

Apart from a birthday, i’d be happy to eat a meal in peace and leave my DH and in-laws to it. Maybe MIL’s motivation is to give you a break.

Yes, just swap with a smile. It's a bit odd they'd seat you so far from him as his age. My in-laws give us set places too, and often I have to swap them around. Mainly because my youngest dc still needs help and encouragement at the table. They always assume this will be me, so sometimes I swap with dh when it's his 'turn'.

This. As long as he has one parent near him

Learn French for a start, that will make you more confident.

Speak to your husband and ask to swap places with him, he can hardly object - and stand your ground.