DH was being an arse, then fell down stairs and I have no sympathy

[Caplin]

I will start by saying my DH is a good man, but he arsed up tonight with my DD (13) and I was fuming. They were messing about and at the end he ‘playfully’ said she was being a bitch. I was horrified, she was horrified and she immediately left the room and called time on them watching their favourite programme. I recognised it for what it was, one of those pivotal moments with your parents where you suddenly realise they are a human and sometimes not nice.

He called on her to come back so he could apologise, but refused to go after her to say sorry. Frankly I thought it was a shit thing to demand she comes to him for her apology, he should have gone to her as he massively overstepped.

I went up to her to basically say that. I don’t want her to learn the lesson that she she should chase after a man for the apology she deserves, and that starts with her own dad.

I was so angry I couldn’t even look at him after that. He knows he messed up, I didn’t need to say it.

Anyway, he hurt his ankle a couple of days ago. Tonight after the altercation, knowing I was fucked off, he was going downstairs with some glasses and dramatically ‘fell’ down half a dozen stairs. Glasses everywhere, him lying dramatically in the hall. We have been together almost 25 years and I thought it was all a bit performative. I obviously ran down, gave him ice, painkillers. Asked if he needs to go to minor injuries. He was dramatic but said no, he could cope whilst lying on the floor for ages groaning.

Anyway, during a conversation afterwards it became clear he knew I was annoyed at him, but that wasn’t the moment to go into why I thought he was being an arse. I could barely disguise the fact I thought he was hamming it up. I offered to cancel Easter Sunday lunch with his family tomorrow and he said yes (we are cooking). I won’t as I know he was being a ham.

So AiBU to treat his fall down the stairs with distain? It was all a bit convenient timing for me to feel sorry for him. He has form for dramatic falling, he needs to sort out his core muscles frankly. Teaching my DD how she should expect to be treated is a bigger lesson than his ego.

I say all this, he is not usually an arse, but tonight he messed up and I am more annoyed that he has tried to bring sympathy to himself. Maybe he actually fell down the stairs, but his dramatic response afterwards tells me he did it on purpose.

AIBU to think he is a drama king and have literally no time for his shit….or am I being an uncaring wife?

He needs to apologise to your daughter, put some ice on it, take some painkillers and grow up.

Just to be clear: you think he deliberately faked falling on the stairs? Or he fell but made it out to be a lot worse than it is?

You know that thread the other day that mentioned something called “The Ick”…

Does he want DD to feel sorry for him?

I’m not sure. I don’t want to think he totally faked it, he is someone who falls a lot. But I can’t rule out him falling on purpose….

No, she was in bed, I think he wants me to feel sorry for him

He "has form for dramatic falling" probably needs more explanation, to put this into context.

Did he go and apologise to DD? I wouldn't have been fetching pain killers and ice after that absolute shit show. Screwing up is one thing but refusing to apologise for it is unacceptable.

Sounds like karma got him for being a dick, as long as nothings broken obviously

He has banged his head a couple of times (car boot, tyre swing at play park) and he collapses like a pack of cards. In my case I would stagger about a bit holding my head and saying owww and swear words, but not crumple to the floor like I’ve been murdered.

So has he apologised?

Nope, and I am still fuming

No he has not

Yes I think he probably did it performatively. How utterly pathetic. He wants sympathy and to be automatically absolved of his shitty behaviour towards your DD.

I don’t even know where you go from here. How can you respect him.

Id have left him on the floor then and maybe given his ankle a little kick as i stepped over him

Did you not tell him to go and apologise to his daughter right away? I would have insisted and if he refused, I wouldn't be hosting his family tomorrow, nor would I be spending any time with him.

Is DD expected to play happy families at lunch tomorrow even though he hasn’t been bothered to apologise?

He sounds like an absolute twat.

Nor faffing around with fucking ice packs and sympathy.

So, did you actually say anything to him about how shitty he’d been to your child? Did you tell him it was unacceptable, that he needed to apologise…anything?

Is he her dad?

He was an arse to your daughter and should go to her to apologise.

Falling over/clumsiness as an adult is sometimes sign there is something wrong, that needs looking into.

I've personally known two people who died falling downstairs and one who broke her neck and lay there for hours until she was discovered. Being distainful of that is unreasonable in my view, that alone with other clumsiness is nothing to ignore. I'd rather not lose a husband and father just because I thought they were behaving like an arse.

I said he should go to her and apologise, He clearly didn’t think it was a big deal. But he realised he messed up because I wouldn’t speak to him after he refused to go up.

i didn’t faff around after him, I think he felt my general disdain for his fall when he said he was Ok and whether I should cancel his family, so I left him lying on the floor and went back upstairs to drink my wine (once I had checked there was no actual injury).

Was he drunk? That would explain (but not excuse) the going too far with the bitch comment and the falling.

Yes, and him being atwat is unusual, he overstepped whilst they were messing about but he needs to apologise

If i suspected for a nanosecond that he faked it. I'd be livid.