To think that parents shouldn't do this on behalf of their teens?

[bumblebee1987]

I have my own dog grooming business which is very popular with people wanting work experience/part time work, largely because it is mostly a lovely job involving lots of contact with dogs and puppies, so I completely understand the appeal with young people!

However, the vast majority of work experience/part time job requests that we receive (usually a few a month, more at certain times of year around school holidays etc), come directly from parents who are searching on behalf of their children. As harsh as it sounds, these are a very kind but immediate no for us. The competition for these placements is high, and I want to hear directly from the teenagers themselves, not their parents. It's great that your 15/16/17 year old is passionate about animals, but I want to hear that from them. I know that this isn't a high flying business, it is just a dog groomers, but it is my business that I have worked hard to establish and I want to know that anyone who I have come in and represent us, wants to be there, and they aren't just there because their parent wants them to be there. If you want me to spend my time replying and arranging a placement etc (which I am more than happy to do, but it IS extra work for me!), then I don't think it is too much to ask that a teen contacts me themselves? I know that teens have to do work experience and that the vast majority of them probably won't end up working in the sort of place where they do their placement, but a little bit of interest wouldn't go amiss, it's a good skill to learn, we dont all land our dream job from day one 🤣

Is this common across the board? I'm 38, but I feel like when I was younger, we were encouraged to do this sort of thing ourselves? I understand it more if it's a work experience placement that is arranged through school, perhaps schools are encouraging parents to seek the placements, I don't know? However if you are searching for paid part time work, surely this has to come from the applicant directly?

I appreciate that perhaps some of the applicants have SEN, but as a SEN parent myself, I would encourage my child to reach out to businesses themselves and would have a hand in guiding them. It's totally fine for parents to help, SEN or not, these are young people and the world of work is new to them, but a bit of independence is important isn't it? I absolutely love hearing from passionate young people directly, I love my job, and am always really happy to spend time speaking to young people about how to get into my industry and opportunities etc, but I want to speak to them! Email, Facebook message, website contact form enquiry, I don't care, you don't need to pick up the phone (I myself have phone anxiety, I totally get it!), but I want to know that you actually want to spend time in my business and are interested!

Maybe I'm being harsh and should review my policy of automatically saying no unless it has come from the young person directly?!

YABU- It's perfectly fine for parents to apply
YANBU- At 15/16/17, teens should be applying themselves.

I have a 15yr oldold boy. I help him write the email. But it’s up to him to send it and reply.

I’m helping but in the background. The employer doesn’t know

Helping in the background I have no issue with at all, I will help both of my children too! I have also happily spoken to parents after the initial contact has been made and a placement arranged, so I can give them details and assure them of their child's safety etc! I promise I'm nor a monster or anything 🤣 I just want some initiative from the teens!

I run something that gets a lot of requests from Duke of Edinburgh volunteers - id say 80% are from parents on their behalf. Its a no from us. We also get emails from teenagers saying "i want to volunteer" with literally no other information, also a no from us. It does mean the good ones stand out easily though and so far the people we have taken on have been brilliant so assume our sifting process is going OK. Maybe there are reasons a person cannot reach out on their own which may warrant a further conversation, but i imagine they are the exception.

I'm glad I'm not the only one! It is so refreshing when you get a passionate young person who gives you relevant details and seems genuinely interested, so when you get a lot of emails, it stands to reason that those are the ones that will be successful against the others.

I hear what you're saying about there perhaps being a reason why they can't reach out on their own, and it is tricky because I wouldn't want to exclude those people, but in those cases perhaps a brief explanation would be beneficial? (Although I do understand this may be a privacy issue). I have had parents email before and say their child has a learning difficulty and ask if it's possible for them to come and the parent accompany, which is absolutely fine, we're more than happy to accommodate in any way we can.

Def agree. We always help but it must come from the DC themselves. Ds2 (18) has dyslexia and is very aware that people judge his written communication so he isn't keen (bright- he's doing an engineering degree) but his confidence is growing and this is the way to help him learn.

I have to admit, I even had an enquiry this week for my childminding business from a third party, someone gathering details for a set of parents to choose prospective childcarers from. This was an immediate no from me, if you are farming out the communication to others, we don't hold the same values and it won't work for me.

I agree, OP I used to put any CVS handed in by a parent asking about jobs for their teens straight into the bin

You are spot on OP. Some of the mollycoddling that is talked about on MN is staggering and so unhealthy. Stick your guns!

My DD's school has put the entire onus on parents to sort the placement and ensure the employer is h&s compliant. Specifically the parents.

My daughter sorted her own work experience, you are completely right.

yabu, you are literally excluding students with SEN that makes it hard for them to approach you independently. Specifically, many students with autism won’t be as socially mature as a 15/16/17 yr old and often require parental support to arrange work experience. A student with dyslexia may be afraid to email you because their spelling is awful and they’re embarrassed of it.

your reasoning is arbitrary and ableist. A parent assisting a DC in finding work experience doesn’t mean the student is being forced into it or that they are not truly passionate.

I’d help draft an email if needed but absolutely it should be the teen. My DD has got work experience sorted herself for 6th form, I didn’t
get involved at all. Parents should know it looks poor if they are contacting them, not the teen.

I did wonder if this might be the case for some schools. I wonder if it's worth mentioning that this is the case when applying, so that the emails don't immediately end up in a no pile?

When parents raise this with me I always say get your Dc to contact me direct

Evidently you didn't read my whole OP, where I specifically address SEN, and subsequent replies where I have said I am always happy to accommodate specific needs and work with parents in these cases.

I also made it abundantly clear that I have NO issue with parents helping. I'd expect it. Helping is key though, which is entirely different than doing it for them.

That's a good idea actually!

I agree with you but I think there is a social capital aspect to people knowing how to play this game. Parents who have jumped through all the hoops themselves and have engaged with all the advice on how to help your child are more likely to know to encourage their young person to do it themselves. The ones who didn't turn up to the parents' talk on work experience, and didn't have parents who helped them get work experience themselves as teens, are less likely to know this unwritten rule.

I can totally see why you use it to find the best candidates though.

My YP with SEN literally would not be able to do it themselves. But I can also see you wouldn't want to give him the opportunity over one who could.

If a parent is applying on behalf of a child, why can't the child write it and have an adult check it through / give advice?

What you say actually makes zero sense as an argument if the parent is involved anyway.

The child is going to have to cope on their own in the placement too. If they can't at least participate in the application they aren't going to be able to do the placement independently to a very basic level of requirement.

The problem is more SEN kids who don't have parental support who are completely screwed.

OK...I get this in part BUT with a person with dyslexia wouldn't you help them with amendments after they'd composed a letter then support them to email from their address? Why would you do it all for them...surely you'd want to enable them?

Sorry posted at same time as poster above with same view

Yes, very common, I get lots of parents asking for Saturday jobs for their teens, often their teen is standing next to them completely silent. I would never employ someone who hadn't actually applied themselves

I did have a young girl come in and ask for herself, she was so nervous bless her, but although we didn't have a position available I made sure to tell her how great it was she'd taken the time and built up the courage to enquire herself

I agree. I think parents infantilise young people these days.

My company (not mine, the one I work for) rejects all applications where parents have contacted them! It just smacks of the parent wanting them to work rather than the kid to me! And begs the question, if they’re still relying on mum sorting their work experience/job, how are they going to cope?

A lot of kids that age just don’t have the confidence to ask themselves.

I agree. I used to be responsible for hiring at my previous job. We would get parents coming in and phoning up for their teens and in some case early 20s Uni children. If they are old enough for a job then they should be approaching the employer themselves.

I have two dds ages 20 and 17. I have had no part in writing emails for work experience I just assumed that by aged 15+ they had the ability and drive to do it themselves. I proof read dd1s personal statement for uni but that’s about it. Dd2 does a college course where she needed to find a regular placement she contacted all the schools herself. Same for her year 10 work experience.

are parents really doing this for their older teen dc? Seems like it’s setting them up to not be able to deal with life. Dd1 has high functioning autism but was able to manage it. (obviously some SEN kids will need the help).

This is a very good point!

I just wanted to say though, I would never prioritise one candidate over another due to SEN. My own child would struggle, although would be able to do it with support, but he would need accommodations in place to enable him to succeed once in the placement. In these cases I am always happy to work with a parent and ensure that their child has the opportunity, whether that is with a parent accompanying them, or bringing their own dog to work on, or coming in on quieter days etc. I am always happy to speak with a parent first in these cases, and would never refuse them on this basis. My post really relates to general applications, of which I'd say around 80/90% currently come from parents and I think are unlikely to all be teens with SEN.