To think that parents shouldn't do this on behalf of their teens?

[bumblebee1987]

I have my own dog grooming business which is very popular with people wanting work experience/part time work, largely because it is mostly a lovely job involving lots of contact with dogs and puppies, so I completely understand the appeal with young people!

However, the vast majority of work experience/part time job requests that we receive (usually a few a month, more at certain times of year around school holidays etc), come directly from parents who are searching on behalf of their children. As harsh as it sounds, these are a very kind but immediate no for us. The competition for these placements is high, and I want to hear directly from the teenagers themselves, not their parents. It's great that your 15/16/17 year old is passionate about animals, but I want to hear that from them. I know that this isn't a high flying business, it is just a dog groomers, but it is my business that I have worked hard to establish and I want to know that anyone who I have come in and represent us, wants to be there, and they aren't just there because their parent wants them to be there. If you want me to spend my time replying and arranging a placement etc (which I am more than happy to do, but it IS extra work for me!), then I don't think it is too much to ask that a teen contacts me themselves? I know that teens have to do work experience and that the vast majority of them probably won't end up working in the sort of place where they do their placement, but a little bit of interest wouldn't go amiss, it's a good skill to learn, we dont all land our dream job from day one 🤣

Is this common across the board? I'm 38, but I feel like when I was younger, we were encouraged to do this sort of thing ourselves? I understand it more if it's a work experience placement that is arranged through school, perhaps schools are encouraging parents to seek the placements, I don't know? However if you are searching for paid part time work, surely this has to come from the applicant directly?

I appreciate that perhaps some of the applicants have SEN, but as a SEN parent myself, I would encourage my child to reach out to businesses themselves and would have a hand in guiding them. It's totally fine for parents to help, SEN or not, these are young people and the world of work is new to them, but a bit of independence is important isn't it? I absolutely love hearing from passionate young people directly, I love my job, and am always really happy to spend time speaking to young people about how to get into my industry and opportunities etc, but I want to speak to them! Email, Facebook message, website contact form enquiry, I don't care, you don't need to pick up the phone (I myself have phone anxiety, I totally get it!), but I want to know that you actually want to spend time in my business and are interested!

Maybe I'm being harsh and should review my policy of automatically saying no unless it has come from the young person directly?!

YABU- It's perfectly fine for parents to apply
YANBU- At 15/16/17, teens should be applying themselves.

@Dizzly
Also you are not understanding the "contract" of work experience..
I understand it completely. I have more than one DC so been through the process more than once.

@DoctorDoctor I think this is unfair. Those first university open days are a really daunting experience for teenagers. My DS was barely 17 when we started the open days, and he was like a rabbit in the headlights. It’s a lot for teens to take in, so it’s no wonder the parents often ask questions. He’s fine now of course, in his second year.

Do you really only want over-confident precocious kids at university?

The OP was talking about washing and brushing dogs.

I'm not hiring anyone. I am literally offering work experience placements that cost me money. I am not employing anyone. I am doing people a favour. I do not have the time or resources to offer a screening process like this.

No, you didn't say I couldn't ask why the parent was sending the email, but you said I have no right to know about their medical information. Which it feels like is essentially what I'd be asking if I replied and asked why they sent the email.

I did ask in AIBU, but I feel like you've morphed this entire conversation into something it isn't! I am more than happy with people disagreeing with me, but you have been pretty mean and accusatory. I am trying my best to help everyone, but I have very limited resources!

I am not asking anyone to lie. At all, but I would expect that if you are enquiring about a general work experience placement, that the young person would be involved in some way in writing the email, even if they are just sitting with the parent while they write it. I stand by that. If they can't be involved at all then I feel like you'd be asking for a specific type of placement, which I would love to accommodate, but if I have a week in June set aside for a work experience placement and I have arranged my work (which I generally book 3/4 months in advance) in the way I usually would, then this week wouldn't be appropriate, further conversations would need to be had. This probably isn't the case for all businesses, but it is for mine, not for my benefit, but for the benefit of the young person. It would be disingenuous of me to either email on behalf of or get my son to send an email to a business, knowing full well that he wouldn't be able to manage in the environment, therefore I would make that clear from the beginning.

No I wasn't! I haven't specified what the work would involved. It would be very unlikely they would be washing or brushing dogs.

I'm guessing you think this is super easy and that therefore, OP IS getting lots of lovely free labour?

Which actually shows a lot of naivete if that's what you think.

OP has to be sure of this child's safety. So she has to select the right dogs. The person whose dog it is still expects a certain level of service and as someone who has tried to get her DC to brush and groom the pets, I can assure you that the chances that the WE person does it well upfront are pretty low. She wil have to keep a very close eye on both the dog and the placee.

Surely you can see this?

Maybe if she ran a cleaning business she could confidently leave the child alone to mop or vacuum, but she' dstill need to check that it was done to the right standard etc etc.

Thank you! There is definitely a common misconception with my job that dogs stand beautifully still and allow themselves to be washed, dried, brushed and groomed with no behaviour management or animal handling experience needed 🤣 I really wish it was that easy, I'd be a rich lady! In reality, all work experience placements need to be watched like hawks, we are dealing with people's precious pets and the majority aren't statue still!

Just wanted to say thank you for providing any work experience at all, as so many don't, and don't even reply. My DD is studying animal care has done work experience at a groomers amongst other places. Finding placements for animal experience is difficult, many places only take over 18s.

OP I think you’re being incredibly thoughtful and kind about this. Ultimately you’re a private business, you don’t have to deal with these requests at all, the only reason to do so is if there’s something in it for you.

I think part of what we’re seeing on the thread and in real life is people forgetting that you’re doing them a favour. It’s a common phenomenon that the moment you offer something ‘over and above’ people start to take it for granted, treat it as a public service and make excessive demands.

Surely that means checking over responses on matters like health and safety etc. it doesn’t mean the parent has to be the one applying for the jobs?!

Why can’t the parents supervise and support their teen in sending the emails themselves?

You’d have to be pretty stupid and naive to believe parents aren’t helping their teenagers behind the scenes regardless of how they first present.

Although, for a dog grooming placement I would not expect the STEM students to be clamouring to impress you either.

YANBU.

I’m a small employer in an industry that finds it hard to recruit. I believe quite strongly it can be a fab job for some people so work with the local college to offer work experience. I’m actually quite worried about where society is heading. In the last 10 years the quality of the applications has gone downhill significantly. Students think it’s acceptable to send a WhatsApp message saying “when can I start” and appear horrified when I interview them. This isn’t a one off, it’s fairly regular. I now don’t even look at an application that comes from a parent. These are 17-18 year olds. There are ways as a parent of supporting teens with additional needs. We have one recently who when she came to the interview was dropped off by her mum. The Mum asked for a quick word when they knocked on the door and said she’d like to just make me aware of an additional need. She was hoping the daughter would tell me herself but if she didn’t felt it was important I knew.

It costs me money. A lot of time and effort to offer this work experience and the least the students can do is ask for it politely themselves.

As a parent, one thing you can teach your child that will put them head and shoulders above the rest is to make eye contact, smile, shake hands and have manners.

This. I am shocked that there are parents who do this. I am 50 and there has been a complete change in attitude to children since my youth. Children and young people are now seen as utterly incapable with adults arranging every part of their life. Now wonder there is such a mental health crisis in young people.

Since my children could talk I was encouraging them to ask for things for themselves. They are both naturally shy but I stuck at it as the job of parents is to help children learn how to do things despite being anxious or shy. How else can you learn to live successfully with an anxious or shy personality? ( and I should know, I have one too!)

That's not really the point.

A poorly written email from the person seeking work would always be preferred over the beautifully written email from their parent.

I was a shy, quiet teenager but I went to all the university open days by myself. Travelled there myself, looked around myself, was interviewed myself. It wouldn’t have occurred to me to do anything different. Probably because in the 70s/80s children were used to opening the door in the morning and going out and only coming back when they were hungry. So we naturally learnt independence and coping skills.

Now children learn parents organise everything for them, even their time through play dates and activities. So children have learnt dependence. If a child has reached 17/18 and can’t manage a university open day by themself, then something has gone very wrong.

My DD would have no problem approaching you, she's very confident.

DS has significant special needs but is great with animals, could do a placement with the help of a support worker.

Would both be welcome OP?

People doing favours have every right to be selective in their own interests. Small private businesses don’t owe your dc access to work experience.

hmm, I think this maybe is a bit harsh. I have to admit that it was me that wrote emails trying to get a ds2 16 year old year 10 work experience. I sent it to 3, 2 replied.
I also supported and assisted ds1 with uni research, open day investigations etc.

I have actually told ds2 that he is far too casual in the way he texts, and this would not be acceptable to text an employer, as a pp mentioned. This I think is a problem.

You believe that a 17 year old being able to ask questions at a University Open Day, at a university he is potentially going to attend, makes him “over confident and precocious”? It does not, it is a very basic life skill from someone old enough to drive! THIS attitude, where children have been shielded from life experience, is what makes young people now so lacking in confidence. I managed it many years ago, dd managed it and now dgd is doing it. I did it because I had to, dd and dgd both were expected to have jobs and life experience precisely BECAUSE it helps them to do things like this.

Parents should guide and support on the background the rest is up to the young person. How else are they going to grow and learn to do things in the adult world? What employer in their right mind will take someone on who is reliant on their DM to speak and think for them.

Yanbu.

my ds is 20 and has SEND. He’s also a swimmer.

Emails come to me because he struggles with the checking and reading of them. But they are addressed to him, I read them to him, we discuss what he wants to reply and I type the reply signed from him and send it from him.

I think supporting your young person is essential. But doing it on their behalf from you doesn’t a) look great or b) help them in the long term.

I agree. My Autistic DD is very academically capable, top grades across the board, hard-working, lots of extra-curriculars etc. But a University Open Day will be extremely anxiety-provoking for her (unfamiliar environment, busy, lots of information to process) so she will most likely be very quiet, she may not feel able to ask questions on a first visit but she will be doing a lot of listening, quietly taking it all in and will then take time to reflect on the pros and cons afterwards. It's pretty disheartening to hear that University staff would write her off for not having the confidence to ask questions, even though just showing up to the Open Day in the first place would take a lot of courage and determination on her part.

It’s def more of a thing these days, a lot of parents are over involved in everything to do with their kids.

A friend of mine is currently raging as her sons uni won’t deal with direct requests from her 🤦‍♀️

I’d just say no as well.