To think that parents shouldn't do this on behalf of their teens?

[bumblebee1987]

I have my own dog grooming business which is very popular with people wanting work experience/part time work, largely because it is mostly a lovely job involving lots of contact with dogs and puppies, so I completely understand the appeal with young people!

However, the vast majority of work experience/part time job requests that we receive (usually a few a month, more at certain times of year around school holidays etc), come directly from parents who are searching on behalf of their children. As harsh as it sounds, these are a very kind but immediate no for us. The competition for these placements is high, and I want to hear directly from the teenagers themselves, not their parents. It's great that your 15/16/17 year old is passionate about animals, but I want to hear that from them. I know that this isn't a high flying business, it is just a dog groomers, but it is my business that I have worked hard to establish and I want to know that anyone who I have come in and represent us, wants to be there, and they aren't just there because their parent wants them to be there. If you want me to spend my time replying and arranging a placement etc (which I am more than happy to do, but it IS extra work for me!), then I don't think it is too much to ask that a teen contacts me themselves? I know that teens have to do work experience and that the vast majority of them probably won't end up working in the sort of place where they do their placement, but a little bit of interest wouldn't go amiss, it's a good skill to learn, we dont all land our dream job from day one 🤣

Is this common across the board? I'm 38, but I feel like when I was younger, we were encouraged to do this sort of thing ourselves? I understand it more if it's a work experience placement that is arranged through school, perhaps schools are encouraging parents to seek the placements, I don't know? However if you are searching for paid part time work, surely this has to come from the applicant directly?

I appreciate that perhaps some of the applicants have SEN, but as a SEN parent myself, I would encourage my child to reach out to businesses themselves and would have a hand in guiding them. It's totally fine for parents to help, SEN or not, these are young people and the world of work is new to them, but a bit of independence is important isn't it? I absolutely love hearing from passionate young people directly, I love my job, and am always really happy to spend time speaking to young people about how to get into my industry and opportunities etc, but I want to speak to them! Email, Facebook message, website contact form enquiry, I don't care, you don't need to pick up the phone (I myself have phone anxiety, I totally get it!), but I want to know that you actually want to spend time in my business and are interested!

Maybe I'm being harsh and should review my policy of automatically saying no unless it has come from the young person directly?!

YABU- It's perfectly fine for parents to apply
YANBU- At 15/16/17, teens should be applying themselves.

Totally agree. I work at uni open days and never speak to the actual students. Why aren’t parents encouraging their kids to ask the questions? They won’t be there when they are studying so should be putting in the practice now. Then their kids really struggle at uni as they don’t go to class, ask for support, know how to work to a deadline and the parents are on the phone kicking off at us. Prepare your kids for the real world!!

Well I know the difference between a call and an email which is what I was referring to and what I actually said. But now you mention it, yes, the ability to make and receive a phone call is also not unreasonable.

You are totally unreasonable.

Yiu are changing the ops post to suit your own narrative.

She asked aibu for not wanting teens wanting work experience or pt jobs coming directly from their parents rather than the teens themselves.

You have changed the whole narrative as some disability discrimination procedure. You are being totally unreasonable

The op has said many times if someone approached her explaining ing they had sn and parents needed to help she would understand.

This is totally different than the 99 percent of teenagers who cba to look for work whose mummies do it for them.

Stop jumping on the opsreasonable post for your own ends.

But they will be interacting with the public so the woman running the business needs to see who they are and what they are like, not hear from a parent. You have to be confident and mature to work with the public, it’s hard

I literally work 50+ hours a week by myself. I do not have to offer any work experience placements, at all. I get on average 4-6 emails a week, I do not have the time to engage with everyone in case I miss someone. I offer work experience because I want to be helpful. It costs me money because I have to significantly slow down my pace of work and spend my time explaining and helping. I do not care about this, but I do not have the time to speak to 4-6 teenagers a week, I have to filter the emails somehow, and it seems reasonable to engage with the ones who have contacted me directly. There is nothing to stop any parent helping their child apply, even if it is written for them entirely, but there is a huge difference between getting an email that reads,

'Hi, my son is looking for a weeks work experience in June. He's always liked animals.'

Versus

'Hi, my name is Leo. I'm reaching out because I am hoping to secure a weeks work experience in June. I adore dogs and am hoping to pursue an animal related career when I'm older. Many thanks!'

I have to admit to being tempted to step in to help my DD secure a work experience placement.

The reason? She’s sent about 30 requests to local businesses enquiring about WE opportunities and with the notable exception of 1 (who said they her email was wonderful and she’d be an asset but they’re sadly not offering WE this year) not a single bugger has bothered to reply. She’s been sending them since Dec and she’s now deep in the midst of exams, revision, uni research etc and has an extra curricular music exam looming. She struggling to find time and very stressed.

she finds social situations and convos with strangers extremely difficult. That is apparently my fault, according to this thread.

so yes, I want to help her. But I won’t.

Thank you to all of the employers who offer work experience. Its hugely helpful to the student and much appreciated by their parents.

“I don't think it's unreasonable to expect an application to come from the applicant. You can help with that application, you could basically write the thing for them. But just send it as if it's from the individual.
That's what I would do. I'd work with my kids to help them form the email and then send it, the OP seems to be fine getting an email, just wants it to appear to be from the young person.”

Oh, so you are saying OP is fine with being deceived? You are saying parents should just use their child’s email account, write an email and pretend the child wrote and sent the email?

If everyone is just faking emails from their child then that completely destroys the OP’s very clever way to winnow out the slackers from the strivers so I don’t think that is what she had in mind.

My first Sales job at 18 was advertised in the newspaper with no contact details, so that you had to research it, that was 36 years ago and I did it without any parental help. Was the making of me they paid for my driving lessons had a company car and taught me so much. I really would not be impressed if a NT young adult needed help from their parents.

Blimey I would have been mortified if my parents had done that!

How old is she? She may find it easier to get a part time job than work experience.

But work expense in a dog groomers is more likely to be answering the phone, sweeping up fur, and greeting owners to come to collect there animals than washing and clipping the animals

I'm saying the OP literally said in her second post "Helping in the background I have no issue with at all, I will help both of my children too!" That helping could be typing out the email because the child has a disability that means they can't. It could be basically writing it because they have a communication disorder that means they struggle to put what they want to say into words. But you still write the email as if it's from the child and use as much of their input as they are able to give. You've made the OP's position into something it's not.

The people I know who have dog grooming businesses have to also speak to customers, run social media accounts, arrange things like insurance and do marketing for their businesses. They’re not just brushing dogs.

For all those saying “but my child needs xyz accommodations” whilst I am absolutely sure they do and it is extremely difficult, how do you expect op, a sole trader to accommodate those?

No I’m not.
OP has stood firm on
“However, the vast majority of work experience/part time job requests that we receive (usually a few a month, more at certain times of year around school holidays etc), come directly from parents who are searching on behalf of their children. As harsh as it sounds, these are a very kind but immediate no for us.”

She would only make an allowance for SEN if this was disclosed to her upfront at the initial contact, which is an unreasonable expectation as no employer can force a disclosing a disability or be eliminated from consideration.

“Stop jumping on the opsreasonable post for your own ends.”

She is in AIBU? I have a disabled kid who her process would screen out instantly. I have a right to respond to her AIBU? Question as much as any other parent affected by such a prejudiced way to screen out applicants.

So the fuck what? I don’t mean to be blunt but this is for a kid to get work experience helping out. They aren’t going to be running the whole business by themself.

I wondered that but it said she was in the toilet. And if it was the building she still got in there. How weird!

Sorry, that is lying and fakery to write the email for your child as if you are the child and then send it in.

Its as bad as doing a child’s school paper or science project and then passing it off as their work.

@bumblebee1987 do you reply to all emails if the teen has emailed themselves? My DD has autism and was trying to arrange volunteering for her Duke of Edinburgh. She only wanted to do something with animals. I helped her draft an email and she sent it to several local cat charities. Not a single one responded.

I understand people are busy and likely inundated, but this experience added to her anxiety. She's asking me how she is meant to get work experience or a job? She has selective mutism, can't speak on the phone or walk into a shop and speak to the owner. But with guidance and support, she'd gain confidence. I don't want to do it for her, but any rejection or non-reply knocks her so badly because she worries it's because of her disability.

I’ve had to lead my daughter by the hard in to most of the stuff she has done so far. She is now 21 and getting more independent.

But she is still running a business.

Not providing a social sevice to the community.

You seem quite wound up. I'd suggest speaking with your local council. Ours does placements for disabled and sen youngsters which are great and have led to full time work.

A small local sole trader isn't equipped to provide support or a job to a disabled youngster. That's not being offensive or not equal. As I suggested do speak with your local council

I expect her to at least consider applicants who required support to enquire for a work placement or part time job. I don’t expect her to have to provide accommodations that cannot reasonably be done.

I think asking her to not auto-delete is a decent accommodation, especially since a number of parents are saying they just ghost write it for their kids and send it from their kid’s email account so it “appears to be” written by and sent by their kids.

So if you lie, your kid gets considered, if you’re honest your kid gets binned off.

So tell me then, as you have all of the answers and I'm such an awful fucking person, in my position, how would you deal with all of the applications? At this point I'm considering just not bothering taking any more work experience placements. I have written in detail about how I have worked with teens with additional needs, and bent over backwards to accomodate and worked woth their parents, but despite the obvious contempt you have for my job, which you clearly think is utter shit, it is a VERY overstimulating environment, with loud, unpredictable animals, who urinate and defecate frequently, throw up, growl, snap, Bark, howl and are generally unsettled sometimes. If I don't know in advance that you struggle with loud noises or communication etc, please tell me how I am supposed to arrange my work to best suit your needs? Which I absolutely will, and have, but HOW can I if I don't know what you need?

No but usually people do work experience in an industry they’d like to work in, in the future. Perhaps they’d be invited back for a Saturday job etc
At a dog groomers the work experience might be tidying up, welcoming customers and answering the phone.

A bit like at a hairdressers - you sweep the floor and answer the phone. Make drinks for customers. You wouldn’t be cutting hair!

Wanting equal consideration for a job isn’t asking for a “social service for the community”.