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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My first wedding AIBU!

294 replies

narcASD · 18/04/2025 09:23

I know the rules, it’s an invite not a summons etc etc but….
my sister’s son is getting married next year and he and his fiancé have said no kids.
my kids will be 13 & 10 when they get married and are lovely, well behaved girls.

I am very close to my sister and her children, her girls were bridesmaids and her son a page boy at my wedding, I’ve got a good relationship with my nephew.

It is not about finances, my sisters son is a very high earner as is his fiancé so it’s not because they are on a budget, I’ve also offered to pay for my girls if money was an obstacle.

I had a no kid rule apart from immediate family at my wedding, so I do get it, I’m just really hurt that my girls and my niece who will be 14 are not invited. They are kids but not ones to be running around screaming and crying (which is the reason my nephew wants no kids, but more so his wife to be).

my brother is also really upset and said he will not go if his daughter is not invited. AIBU not go myself and upset my sister?

OP posts:
FanofLeaves · 18/04/2025 09:24

It’s their choice! I get why you might feel slighted but it’s not about you. To just not go at all is really petty. Perhaps the timings/venue are just better suited to it being adults only, it happens.

Cosyblankets · 18/04/2025 09:25

It really doesn't matter what you had at your wedding.
You had the wedding you wanted
They're having the wedding they want

S0j0urn4r · 18/04/2025 09:26

FanofLeaves · 18/04/2025 09:24

It’s their choice! I get why you might feel slighted but it’s not about you. To just not go at all is really petty. Perhaps the timings/venue are just better suited to it being adults only, it happens.

Edited

This. The wedding arrangements are the couple's choice. Attendance is yours. Get a sitter and go celebrate.

ConnieSlow · 18/04/2025 09:26

I agree op. There’s kids and then there are cousins who are immediate family and I would find this not acceptable. I don’t blame your brother for not wanting to go.

BestIntentioned · 18/04/2025 09:27

I just cannot understand the idea of not having children at a wedding. The whole thing is about celebrating family and being together. It’s bloody bonkers imo. Only in the UK. Can you imagine a wedding in Italy, or just about anywhere else, with no children present? What absolute miseries we are.

BestIntentioned · 18/04/2025 09:29

I can imagine saying to my child “I’m sorry but your beloved cousin, who you like and thought you got in with, doesn’t want you at his fun party. Arguably the most important day of his life. Yes that’s right. You’re not invited. Even if I pay for you.”

FanofLeaves · 18/04/2025 09:30

BestIntentioned · 18/04/2025 09:29

I can imagine saying to my child “I’m sorry but your beloved cousin, who you like and thought you got in with, doesn’t want you at his fun party. Arguably the most important day of his life. Yes that’s right. You’re not invited. Even if I pay for you.”

Well I hope you’d be able to frame it less dramatically, jeez 🤣

Jennalong · 18/04/2025 09:32

Your kids are reasonably grown to know that running around and causing havoc is not what is done in this situation .
I see your point , but it is their prerogative who shares the day with them .
I wouldn't go , but it's only a day so not worth all falling out about it .
I personally hate the hassle of attending a wedding and all it entails . So give the card and present , ooh and ahhh over the photos , and do something as a family that day instead .

Pippa12 · 18/04/2025 09:32

I’ve never understood the no children rule either.

I doubt you’ll change their minds even if you spoke to them, you would just seem entitled.

I suppose you either put up and shut up or send a perfectly polite decline due to the lack of invite not extending to all the family.

My sister actually did this, it was never talked about and they carried on as normal. She sent a wedding card with a small gift.

Cosyblankets · 18/04/2025 09:32

BestIntentioned · 18/04/2025 09:29

I can imagine saying to my child “I’m sorry but your beloved cousin, who you like and thought you got in with, doesn’t want you at his fun party. Arguably the most important day of his life. Yes that’s right. You’re not invited. Even if I pay for you.”

My older cousin got married when i was about ten. I did not go. It was a child free wedding. It wasn't an issue. This was more than 40 years ago though when,as a child, i understood that the world did not revolve around me. The adults did adult things and the children did child things.

PaintYourAssLikeRembrandt · 18/04/2025 09:33

Cousins aren't immediate family.

So if they are invited kids in the extended family they would feel like thet have to invite other kids too.

Far easier for them to just say no kids at all.

All this hurt and feet stamping about not going is ridiculous. Can't believed you offered to pay for your kids to go.

Lanzarotelady · 18/04/2025 09:33

Not having children there is something I don't really understand, but, it is their wedding and if they don't want children there, then that is their prerogative!
You and your brother need to accept your children are not the be all and end all!

RenaissanceBaby · 18/04/2025 09:33

TTheir wedding their choice, it’s one day. For you and your brother to make it all about you and your kids is a little dramatic. Your kids are older and presumably there isn’t any massive issue leaving them overnight. I really don’t think it’s hard to just be respectful of other people’s preferences.

Allseeingallknowing · 18/04/2025 09:33

BestIntentioned · 18/04/2025 09:27

I just cannot understand the idea of not having children at a wedding. The whole thing is about celebrating family and being together. It’s bloody bonkers imo. Only in the UK. Can you imagine a wedding in Italy, or just about anywhere else, with no children present? What absolute miseries we are.

It’s not unreasonable not to want crying, tantrums and toddlers running around etc when you’re exchanging your vows on the most important day of your life! It might not happen, but it very likely will.

Dollshousedolly · 18/04/2025 09:33

Oh grow up to yourself and your brother. Leaving aside the no children rule, first cousins are regularly not invited to weddings. There is probably at least 10 years age difference between the groom and your girls ?? You’re embarrassing yourself by making a fuss and offering to pay for them.

Lanzarotelady · 18/04/2025 09:34

BestIntentioned · 18/04/2025 09:29

I can imagine saying to my child “I’m sorry but your beloved cousin, who you like and thought you got in with, doesn’t want you at his fun party. Arguably the most important day of his life. Yes that’s right. You’re not invited. Even if I pay for you.”

For goodness sake, cut the dramatics! No wonder children think the world revolves around them

BlondeMummyto1 · 18/04/2025 09:34

Yabu.

legsekeven · 18/04/2025 09:34

Please don’t create an argument over this. Wedding are hard enough and numbers are always tricky. It’s annoying but not worth a family argument.

TonictheHedgehog · 18/04/2025 09:34

But they have explained the reason why. Your kids may be older and well-behaved but they will have other friends with toddlers, badly-behaved 6yos or whatever. They are trying to be fair and have the same rule for everyone.

BestIntentioned · 18/04/2025 09:35

@FanofLeavesyeah I wouldn’t actually sit them down and lay it on as thick as that. But really it’s what it comes down to, isn’t it? I wouldn’t go either. I’d do what @Jennalongsaid.

ayonoosh · 18/04/2025 09:36

BestIntentioned · 18/04/2025 09:27

I just cannot understand the idea of not having children at a wedding. The whole thing is about celebrating family and being together. It’s bloody bonkers imo. Only in the UK. Can you imagine a wedding in Italy, or just about anywhere else, with no children present? What absolute miseries we are.

You really can't see the idea?

I had no kids. None. No families kids. Not a single child. I had maxed out the venue and didn't want to compromise my adult guests who I desperately wanted there, for someone's off spring. The only exception I made were babies in arms.

some people don't want kids flailing about on their day, screaming during speeches, zooming and knee slides on their dance floor.

every single 120 of the guests turned up.
I have a child now by the way, so I'm not against kids.

having kids doesn't make your feelings trump the brides. And lets me honest, some parents don't bother parenting their kids and let them run wild anyway

yeesh · 18/04/2025 09:36

So dramatic. Just go & have a nice time. Your kids will survive one day without you

Daisyvodka · 18/04/2025 09:36
  1. Just because a couple is well off, doesn't mean there isn't still a budget.
  2. They are throwing a party and have decided on a guest list. I'm sure there will be other parties where your children are invited, this isn't a personal slight and to behave though it is would be extremely illogical and cause drama where there just isn't the need?
  3. What a wonderful opportunity to develop a child's resilience, learning that they won't get invited to everything and that isn't a personal slight against them or a comment on their relationship with the person throwing the party.
babasaclover · 18/04/2025 09:37

Cannot believe you are saying it was okay for you to not have children at your wedding, But they must be false to have yours at theirs? Double standards much.

ConnieSlow · 18/04/2025 09:37

TonictheHedgehog · 18/04/2025 09:34

But they have explained the reason why. Your kids may be older and well-behaved but they will have other friends with toddlers, badly-behaved 6yos or whatever. They are trying to be fair and have the same rule for everyone.

But these are not everyone, they are family. Close family

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