My first wedding AIBU!

[narcASD]

I know the rules, it’s an invite not a summons etc etc but….
my sister’s son is getting married next year and he and his fiancé have said no kids.
my kids will be 13 & 10 when they get married and are lovely, well behaved girls.

I am very close to my sister and her children, her girls were bridesmaids and her son a page boy at my wedding, I’ve got a good relationship with my nephew.

It is not about finances, my sisters son is a very high earner as is his fiancé so it’s not because they are on a budget, I’ve also offered to pay for my girls if money was an obstacle.

I had a no kid rule apart from immediate family at my wedding, so I do get it, I’m just really hurt that my girls and my niece who will be 14 are not invited. They are kids but not ones to be running around screaming and crying (which is the reason my nephew wants no kids, but more so his wife to be).

my brother is also really upset and said he will not go if his daughter is not invited. AIBU not go myself and upset my sister?

And the reasons, first cousins are not invited to the wedding - it happens a lot that invitations aren’t extended to first cousins. He’s 10 years + older than you, so not best friends/in his friendship circle anyway. The venue only holds xxx. If first cousins on all sides were invited that would be xx extra guests and it’s just not practical.

Just politely decline as you should have done to begin with and not tried to negotiate.

I don’t understand no child weddings either. It’s a family event.

BUT you had a no child wedding yourself. Funny how so many people change their minds when it is their child who isn’t invited.

Well it’s just that they’re not being invited to a wedding. They’re not being banished from society. A long wedding is potentially quite boring for children of those ages, anyway.

Sorry it's not about you or your kids.
Nor is it always the money.

Venues have limited capacity give or take 100 people

People are generally getting married older, more family and friends of their own. Groups of friends from different places, school, uni, hobby groups.

Getting married older can mean more friends have kids - we could have ended up with 36 children from 6mths to 17 at our wedding.

Does friends 19yo count as a child 🤔, the 16 yo twin siblings are children? Would the 19 need a plus 1?

Do friends teen step kids need an invite?

If we invite kids do we need entertainment for them?

Who do we bin to make way for the kids?

It just became a complicated mess. Much easier to draw the line - no kids.

I’ve been to quite a few child free weddings in Italy!

Personally I much prefer child free weddings, but the beauty of weddings is that the people who are getting married and are paying for it get to have the wedding they want, not the wedding their guests want.

OP, try and think of it as having a lovely day out with your husband and family. Children do change the mood of things, as lovely as they are, and sometimes people want to have more grown up time. It’s not a slight on your children at all, they just want to see you and have a different sort of day to the one you would pick for yourself.

More and more people seem to be opting for child-free weddings.
I find it quite sad when people DON'T want children at their 'Big Day'.
However, when a couple very clearly states NO children, I think it's CF-ery to try and get them to change their minds.
You can feel all hurt and Boo Hoo about it and not go. The day will happen, regardless, and your 'statement' of not going will fall flat and your absence will barely register.

Well you wouldn’t phrase it like that would you

People really need to get a grip when it comes to other peoples weddings. Just leave the kids at home, go and have a good time and a week later it's just a memory anyway.

Really?! I can’t imagine myself saying anything that dickish to my children.

They are first cousins. Invite one first cousin and then you have first cousins on four sides to invite. The guest numbers can rise dramatically. In this case, the OP’s children are what ? 12 and 14 - the groom must be at least 10 years older, he’s inviting his own parents, siblings, his aunts and uncles and then their own friends.

And he’s now having dear aunt xx causing a fuss because her children are not invited. Unbelievable!

Sadly as others have said it is their choice.
We had a no under 10s rule and only kids we knew (and could trust to behave)

If you want to go, go. If you don't want to go, don't go. Don't cut your nose off to spite your face.

Don't feel obliged to get a generous gift if you're hacked off. It doesn't sound like they need it anyway.

I don't think inviting all the cousins on both his and her sides of the family is necessary. It gets out of hand both in terms of cost and in terms of size and complexity of party.

@narcASD "AIBU not go myself and upset my sister?"

Why though? because you cannot celebrate an event without your children?

Your nephew and his future wife want a no kids wedding, what is wrong with that?

It is not personal, it's about the dynamic of the event, surely?

totally agree.
always been of the mine that children make a wedding- cute little brides maids etc.

A wedding is about the bride and groom exchanging vows. If you want a big family party, have a big family party, but don't expect every bride and groom to turn their special day into a family party.

Imagine having a child free wedding and then refusing to go to a close family wedding … because it’s child free 🤦‍♀️

I can remember being left at home for a family wedding at around age 11 with my cousins and one sibling, while our two youngest siblings were invited (flower girl and page boy). My parents didn’t bat an eyelid, we had a fun day ourselves. Everyone survived. It doesn’t have to be a massive deal if you don’t turn it into one.

There's nothing cute about your 'cute bridesmaid' child wailing and bellowing and shrieking about dying the vows and speeches.

It’s their choice, however it makes family feel

personally I don’t agree with it, weddings are family events, kids should be welcome. The best weddings I have attended are those with kids, making it a happy event, kids playing etc. all behaved well in the church

But in this case your nephew has said no so your choice is go without, or don’t go

No doubt you will have the last laugh as they moan in a few years friends have invited them but not their kids!

Might be about venue size rather than cost. We had a venue that only had room for 40, so went child free. We also didn’t have an evening do, so ceremony and meal only, so wouldn’t have been very interesting for children

We had a child free wedding for a number of reasons. The primary one was our wedding venue counting every head as an attendee, no matter their age, even toddlers. If we’d allowed children, we’d have had to sacrifice 22 adult family or friends. That’s without considering budget, that was just for the maximum headcount allowed.

We also wanted our guests to be able to relax and enjoy themselves without little ears or mouths around every corner. We only had one person decline (and we completely understood that when you have a decision like this people are absolutely entitled to decline), and that was because she had 3 children and the youngest was still on the boob and wouldn’t take a bottle. If we’d have allowed one child or baby, we’d have then had to deal with everyone else throwing their toys out the pram and feeling entitled to bring theirs. We got several messages telling us, ‘Oh our kid is different’, or ‘They won’t cause any harm, is there really no room?’ Imagine saying yes to one and not the others!

We also attended a wedding a year before ours with 20+ children and it was a nightmare. Crying, bumped heads, full meals going in the bin because they didn’t want the food, complaining there was nothing to do, babies wailing during the ceremony and no one taking them out, a toddler standing up mid-vows and announcing they needed a poo, and a ten year old who laid on the floor during the speeches because he was so bored. At one point, there was a shout from a bridesmaid because she’d found one little girl with her hands all over the uncut wedding cake. There were obviously a few kids who were well behaved as well, but they just stood there next to their parents all day looking bored. The bride and groom paid for a kids entertainer for their reception because the kids needed to be entertained. The adults spent all day running around after them. I was sat next to one family, who I’d never even met before, and the mum ended up handing me her child’s plate of food and saying, “She likes you, can you try to get her to eat something?”

We couldn’t leave fast enough, and it cemented for us that having a child free wedding was absolutely the right decision. We had the perfect day.

YABU to expect special treatment. It’s their wedding, their rules. No justification needed.

Grow up. You had a no kids rule, they can have a no kids rule. Can your girls have a sleepover with friends?

I really don’t understand, you had a child free wedding and are upset he’s having one? Nieces and nephews and possibly just about immediate family, cousins are not. So your kids are still kids (10 is 100% a child) and you’ve been cheeky enough to ask him already to let them come… and you’re still upset. Having kids and teens is different to only having adults.

Decline the invite and save him further hassle.

Just like the OP is moaning, the OP who also had a childfree wedding!