Hotel barman came to hotel room door

[Goditsmemargaret]

I'm a bit shaken up.

I'm on a city break with my DD 6. It's a European city, just the two of us. It's been a few days of activities, then we arrive back to the hotel and eat there in the quiet hotel bar.

There is a very friendly barman. He can't do enough for us. We've been chatting for around an hour in the evening. My DD chats but is mainly unwinding with her colouring. I've had one glass of wine every evening and then gone to bed early. He's been a bit flirty, nothing outrageous but I'm slightly wary given I'm a woman travelling alone with my daughter.

There was a group of loud men hanging around, some but not all had their wives with them. They didn't speak English but it was obvious one was making unpleasant remarks at me and they all laughed.

Tonight as usual we went up to bed before 8pm. She then proceeded to get sick all over the bathroom. I put her back to bed and cleaned it up using all the towels. I then phoned reception to apologise for leaving the towels outside the door on the corridor and asked for clean ones. They were having trouble hearing me so I emailed too (relevant as I emailed the info email).

Reception then appeared with fresh towels. I explained about the dirfy towels and we agreed I should take them back inside and leave them on the balcony. All was dealt with.

I heard some of the loud bar people come up and was cussing silently that they were on my floor.

Then another knock on the door and nothing else. I walked over and said hello. It was the barman. I asked him what he wanted. He asked could he help. I said no, she's asleep, goodnight. He then said if we need anything to come down. I said goodnight.

I don't know if I'm overreacting but I'm shaking now. I can't see any reason why he wouldn't just phone the room. I don't like the fact he came and knocked without saying who he was. I could have opened the door and then being manipulated into a conversation on an empty corridor.

Am I being paranoid? It felt very off.

It does seem a bit weird, I would distance myself from him, how much longer do you have left?

I can understand how you feel but I imagine he’s acted out of genuine concern.

We are going tomorrow. I feel uneasy now in the room. I've been putting the door against it every night anyway but I don't think I'll sleep well.

Ok that makes me feel better, thanks

Yeah I think he’s probably taken a shine to you, but also is/ was genuinely concerned, and just hasn’t thought about how as a lone travelling woman, coming to your room might make you feel. does the door deadlock from the inside, if that makes you feel better? But I think it’s probably just good intentions being acted out slightly thoughtlessly.

This for me, too.

I can completely understand the anxiety but I expect he was just checking you were okay. A barman once helped me change the bed after my toddler had been sick over it - he was lovely. I had my husband there which I appreciate was reassurance you don’t have, and I’m not sure if I’d have accepted his offer to help if I hadn’t, but they were probably just trying to ensure you were okay and didn’t need a hand.

Schrödinger’s predator. Probably completely fine. But there’s never zero risk. Flirty + in person visit would trouble me.

Obviously was checking you were ok and was there anything he could help with..

I’m over giving men the benefit of the doubt personally. There was no reason for him to come up to your room, the towel issue had been dealt with.

I wish he had phoned.

And I don't think he should have knocked and not said who he was. If I'd pulled the door open I would honestly have felt very uncomfortable standing there on an empty corridor with no passing traffic.

He has very very good people skills and I am surprised he would get this wrong so I am still a bit suspicious.

Put a towel under the door so it can't be opened from the outside, just in case.
You can take it out if there's a fire alarm

It sounds like he was checking to see if you were ok. You had called and emailed to report a problem and you had rowdy people on your floor. BUT I totally understand why you would feel uncomfortable and why it would upset you especially as a lone female.

He might not have phoned the room because you had a sick child there who might have been asleep

Are you really shaking?

On one hand you say he is very friendly and you were chatting to him for an hour every evening, on the other hand you say you are shaking because he knocked on your door - he cared enough to check you are ok after you’ve had a big enough problem that you phoned and emailed for assistance.

”I could have been manipulated into a conversation on an empty corridor”, this is a bit of an overreaction.

It sounds to me like you are already anxious about travelling alone, then you became more anxious about a group of fellow guests who made remarks about you even though they weren’t speaking English and you didn’t understand, then you were dealing with a sick child. This barman was just showing an ounce of kindness in all that mess.

I hope your daughter feels better soon and you get home safely.

What is this post about?

It's so fucking mean, what's the matter with you?

I'm in a foreign country with my child who is sick. I left the bar when some unpleasant seeming men appeared. I'm in a room on an empty corridor and in my nightie and a man I didn't invite appeared at my door.

Yes I'm fucking shaking. Is that ok with you?

Yeah this was uncalled for - don’t be so nasty

I think it's because it's away from the public thoroughfare. The hotel is big but quiet and we are on a private corridor. The bar on the other hand faces onto reception, a few people coming and going.

You are right though and honestly he was very nice to us every evening It gave me a fright though as he didn't knock and say who he was. I would have opened the door to grab towels in my nightie assuming it was reception.

I think he was probably concerned and thought he would check without calling and potentially wake an ill child. He may have also been doing a recce because he knows there's some drunks about that have been bothersome to you.

That being said, always trust your gut. Take whatever safety measures you need to in order to feel safe. Be mindful your body will be flooded with cortisol and you will be anxious purely because you have a sick kid in a foreign land and there's been some twats about- you're on high alert- more thank likely the barman is being a good employee.... but that doesn't mean you shouldn't feel how you feel and act accordingly- you're not there to make friends!

@GoditsmemargaretWhen you’re already feeling anxious and stressed it’s natural to over-focus on these things. But honestly, he just sounds caring. Better that you go home from holiday and remember the caring friendly barman who chatted to you both every evening than focusing on the scare of a knock on the door.
Enjoy the peace of the quiet corridor! The hotel probably placed you there so that you can sleep well.

Either pleasantly fine or hoping for shag after the chatting and flirting 50//0 for me. Definitely don't open the door

50/50

Trust your gut.
Travel with a door wedge or two.
Hope your wee one feels better tomorrow 🏵

Listen, it could be nothing or it could be something, so your reaction is valid no matter what others think. Please do what you need to do to make yourself feel safe tonight, deadbolt the door and put something up against it.

I travelled alone with my 6 year old this year and totally understand! I went one step further though and purchased a door wedge with an alarm to stuff under my door each night! Try to relax, I found a few glasses extra of wine helped me sleep and a podcast. You’ll be fine and it’s PERFECTLY understandable you’re worried. When I was away with my little one I leapt up at every noise in my empty corridor I don’t think I properly slept for the duration of the trip.