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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hotel barman came to hotel room door

184 replies

Goditsmemargaret · 17/04/2025 20:23

I'm a bit shaken up.

I'm on a city break with my DD 6. It's a European city, just the two of us. It's been a few days of activities, then we arrive back to the hotel and eat there in the quiet hotel bar.

There is a very friendly barman. He can't do enough for us. We've been chatting for around an hour in the evening. My DD chats but is mainly unwinding with her colouring. I've had one glass of wine every evening and then gone to bed early. He's been a bit flirty, nothing outrageous but I'm slightly wary given I'm a woman travelling alone with my daughter.

There was a group of loud men hanging around, some but not all had their wives with them. They didn't speak English but it was obvious one was making unpleasant remarks at me and they all laughed.

Tonight as usual we went up to bed before 8pm. She then proceeded to get sick all over the bathroom. I put her back to bed and cleaned it up using all the towels. I then phoned reception to apologise for leaving the towels outside the door on the corridor and asked for clean ones. They were having trouble hearing me so I emailed too (relevant as I emailed the info email).

Reception then appeared with fresh towels. I explained about the dirfy towels and we agreed I should take them back inside and leave them on the balcony. All was dealt with.

I heard some of the loud bar people come up and was cussing silently that they were on my floor.

Then another knock on the door and nothing else. I walked over and said hello. It was the barman. I asked him what he wanted. He asked could he help. I said no, she's asleep, goodnight. He then said if we need anything to come down. I said goodnight.

I don't know if I'm overreacting but I'm shaking now. I can't see any reason why he wouldn't just phone the room. I don't like the fact he came and knocked without saying who he was. I could have opened the door and then being manipulated into a conversation on an empty corridor.

Am I being paranoid? It felt very off.

OP posts:
BlueFlowers5 · 19/04/2025 00:52

It could be that he understood what the angry men were saying, and popped up to check if they were near your door.

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 19/04/2025 10:07

Hwi · 17/04/2025 21:57

Yes, these foreign types - or do you think that everyone is behaving like a wonderfully repressed anally-retentive British public school gentleman of the 1930s?

He's from the UK lol 🤣

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 19/04/2025 10:08

He was just being a friendly helpful guy.

Give him a 5* review

Pihrd · 19/04/2025 16:57

@Goditsmemargaret Your thread inspired me to reread the Gift of Fear.

I’ve just reread this part and thought it was particularly applicable to your situation.

Hotel barman came to hotel room door
eastegg · 19/04/2025 17:06

ItGhoul · 17/04/2025 22:01

What the hell is this racist bollocks? ‘These foreign types’? Christ.

I know!

And what’s all this ‘having it off with a single mother and her child’ ?

Pihrd · 19/04/2025 17:28

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 19/04/2025 10:08

He was just being a friendly helpful guy.

Give him a 5* review

How do you know that?

Goditsmemargaret · 19/04/2025 20:02

Pihrd · 19/04/2025 17:28

How do you know that?

I was wondering this too.

This is really what it boils down to :

He was likely well intentioned. I've acknowledged that and my reasons for feeling anxious.

However it's still not worth taking the risk.

OP posts:
BabyOrca · 20/04/2025 09:17

I specifically made an account so I could reply to this thread. I read it a few days ago and was frankly appalled by the replies to the OP, minimising her reactions and mocking her for being rightfully alert to her safety. Off the back of this thread I downloaded the gift of fear to listen to and am really enjoying it. The people who felt it was okay to lay into a woman travelling alone in a foreign country who was understandably rattled at having been leered at, you should be ashamed of yourselves.
Sorry I didn't reply in time and it's too late now but one point I immediately picked up on was that it sounds like you were abroad but the barman was a fellow Brit, which would add an extra factor explaining why he was looking out for you.
Hope you got home safe and sound OP amd enjoyed the holiday despite the bumps x

Goodtogossip · 22/04/2025 12:48

Go with your gut! He may well have just been being friendly knowing you were on your own with a sick child & checking up on you & seeing if you needed a hand. That's probably what's happened. However, he could also have been seeing if you were interested in a bunk up. Always go with how you feel & if you feel unnerved then stay behind the door & don't open it. Maybe as you were leaving you could've mentioned he had made you feel slightly uncomfortable & that he might want to think about his actions in future even if they were well intended.

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