Hotel barman came to hotel room door

[Goditsmemargaret]

I'm a bit shaken up.

I'm on a city break with my DD 6. It's a European city, just the two of us. It's been a few days of activities, then we arrive back to the hotel and eat there in the quiet hotel bar.

There is a very friendly barman. He can't do enough for us. We've been chatting for around an hour in the evening. My DD chats but is mainly unwinding with her colouring. I've had one glass of wine every evening and then gone to bed early. He's been a bit flirty, nothing outrageous but I'm slightly wary given I'm a woman travelling alone with my daughter.

There was a group of loud men hanging around, some but not all had their wives with them. They didn't speak English but it was obvious one was making unpleasant remarks at me and they all laughed.

Tonight as usual we went up to bed before 8pm. She then proceeded to get sick all over the bathroom. I put her back to bed and cleaned it up using all the towels. I then phoned reception to apologise for leaving the towels outside the door on the corridor and asked for clean ones. They were having trouble hearing me so I emailed too (relevant as I emailed the info email).

Reception then appeared with fresh towels. I explained about the dirfy towels and we agreed I should take them back inside and leave them on the balcony. All was dealt with.

I heard some of the loud bar people come up and was cussing silently that they were on my floor.

Then another knock on the door and nothing else. I walked over and said hello. It was the barman. I asked him what he wanted. He asked could he help. I said no, she's asleep, goodnight. He then said if we need anything to come down. I said goodnight.

I don't know if I'm overreacting but I'm shaking now. I can't see any reason why he wouldn't just phone the room. I don't like the fact he came and knocked without saying who he was. I could have opened the door and then being manipulated into a conversation on an empty corridor.

Am I being paranoid? It felt very off.

He didn't have a chance to say who he was. You didn't ask him. I get why you were unnerved but I think he was just being kind and checking on you.

I wouldn't be concerned because this is understandable in hospitality if he's formed a connection and has heard your dd is ill. As a parent traveling alone, you might need medicine or help accessing a doctor. However if your instincts are warning you then I would not argue with that.

It’s your last night. That’s relevant. So is the flirting.

I was just going to put in sometimes a central email address means that various hotel staff can all view the emails including reservations and the bar etc and he could have seen your email and not known anyone had acted on it and just thought he’d check in on you both.

Was he after a really good tip when you left, or some recognition (if you were sent a survey for example after your stay which has happened to me when I have stayed in hotels) Maybe he didn’t realise he was actually being creepy.

I did ask who it was. I never opened the door to him at all.

Reception knocked and said who they were at the same time.

Anyway the replies have reassured me. I am definitely feeling anxious due to my child being sick and we are away from her dad.

I feel bad now because, as I said, he couldn't do enough for us throughout the holiday. And I see the sense now of a gentle knock on the door. I also think the email probably got opened by him and he may not have even known reception arrived already with towels.

You called reception someone came to check all is ok, seems like a normal interaction to me. I wouldn’t freak over this.

Yes this dawned on me about the email too and him not knowing about reception coming to help already.

Is it a small hotel? Where the reception and the barman are interchangeable entities and everyone mucks in?

I mean, one of the worse case scenarios, he was coming up to your room to seduce you... but how could that take place with your DD being sick in the background? It seems like an odd time to make his move? Therefore I'm sure it must be innocent.

I’m so sorry you’ve had this experience and I hope it doesn’t take away from the lovely memories you’ll have. I suspect the encounter with the horrible men, then your daughter being sick, has heightened your spidey senses and you are on high alert for danger. This guy is probably acting out of concern but you’r reacted completely naturally. I hope your daughter makes a speedy recovery.

Are you really implying that women don’t have instincts about potentially predatory men?

A lot of these young foreign types think that a single mum is desperate for a man and he may have had previous success with having Ito off with a single mother and her child and he was trying to g his luck with you.

Or perhaps in his job he gets a lot of abuse from rowdy people and you have been very nice and chatted to him and that gave him the idea that he should check up on you when he hears your child had been unwell.

Who knows?

But really you should not have been over familiar with him each evening and should have been polite but not engaged in any chit chat with the staff as some take it the wrong way.

This

I hope you it’s not norovirus if you’re flying tomorrow?

Always a good idea to keep your distance from the staff. No need to chat to staff for extended periods of time. Better to be polite, keep your distance and tip them generously, if they are providing an excellent service, but not to chat them for 1 hour over a glass of wine.

I would try not to worry. He knocked, you asked who it was, he replied. If you asked who it was and there was no reply then that would have been weird. You keep mentioning the bad mannered couples from the bar. If they stood out to you and caused you stress then maybe he picked up on that too.

I understand why you feel the way you do, my initial reaction would be that it is innocent, if not slightly misjudged.

Apt username.

These foreign types?

Ok I am very reassured now. Thank you everyone.

He's not a young foreign guy, he is the same age as my DH and they are from the same part of the UK. We chatted about that and other things we have in common. He's married.

He gave me lots of tips on how to travel around the city and things to do. He went over and above with looking after us. I did leave a tip already and a review.

The men in the bar (it was only two of them, the rest seemed to just be out having a bit of fun) made me uneasy. Barman looked unhappy with them too.

I also hope it's not norovirus. This happened on our last holiday and I wasn't alone with DD.

The pp who suggested the staff would all muck in was correct and also he is the only one with fluent English.

So I am pretty sure I WBU. I am leaving the room door blocked however but I do that anyway!

Good grief - so much blaming of a woman on her own seeking reassurance. Shame on some of you.

There's nothing wrong in seeking reassurance OP. Hope that DD recovers and that you get a restful night's sleep. Take those extra precautions suggested with the door.

Sleep well.

Oh bless you! I really feel for you. I would be rattled too. He’s probably just following up because you emailed and hasn’t thought about how it would look but you can never be sure with these men. Well done on having the presence of mind not to open the door. If he did have less than good intentions he’ll have got the message. If you do this regularly I would definitely invest in some gadgets for the door.

You’re 1000% correct to be suspicious.
In this day and age you can’t afford not to be suspicious.
While I doubt this barman is Ted Bundy, Bundy used a fake broken arm and charm to lure women away from a lake beach and murdered them.
You can’t trust anybody any more, much less a stranger, no matter how friendly they are.
Have a safe rest of your journey, @Goditsmemargaret.

I hope your dd feels better in the morning and good enough to travel. I also hope you get some rest.

To be honest, it sounds like he is a bit of a chancer, which is not uncommon among hotel workers / seasonal workers. I would have been taken aback as well. It doesn't sound predatory though. You were right not to open the door and I suspect that will be the end of it.

I have one of these. It's alarmed so if anyone opens the door it sets off like a rape alarm. They cost a fiver. It might make me sound paranoid but I travel often and I've had male cleaners and sometimes other guests enter the room when I've been asleep etc.
They're worth the money for a bit of extra piece of mind.

I think @Hufflemuff has the most likely answer.
If you don’t carry a door wedge with you, push something under the door a towel will do. Hope your DD is ok.