Hotel barman came to hotel room door

[Goditsmemargaret]

I'm a bit shaken up.

I'm on a city break with my DD 6. It's a European city, just the two of us. It's been a few days of activities, then we arrive back to the hotel and eat there in the quiet hotel bar.

There is a very friendly barman. He can't do enough for us. We've been chatting for around an hour in the evening. My DD chats but is mainly unwinding with her colouring. I've had one glass of wine every evening and then gone to bed early. He's been a bit flirty, nothing outrageous but I'm slightly wary given I'm a woman travelling alone with my daughter.

There was a group of loud men hanging around, some but not all had their wives with them. They didn't speak English but it was obvious one was making unpleasant remarks at me and they all laughed.

Tonight as usual we went up to bed before 8pm. She then proceeded to get sick all over the bathroom. I put her back to bed and cleaned it up using all the towels. I then phoned reception to apologise for leaving the towels outside the door on the corridor and asked for clean ones. They were having trouble hearing me so I emailed too (relevant as I emailed the info email).

Reception then appeared with fresh towels. I explained about the dirfy towels and we agreed I should take them back inside and leave them on the balcony. All was dealt with.

I heard some of the loud bar people come up and was cussing silently that they were on my floor.

Then another knock on the door and nothing else. I walked over and said hello. It was the barman. I asked him what he wanted. He asked could he help. I said no, she's asleep, goodnight. He then said if we need anything to come down. I said goodnight.

I don't know if I'm overreacting but I'm shaking now. I can't see any reason why he wouldn't just phone the room. I don't like the fact he came and knocked without saying who he was. I could have opened the door and then being manipulated into a conversation on an empty corridor.

Am I being paranoid? It felt very off.

The barman is English

I missed that. Still, if it were in certain resorts a barman coming to your room would be a huge red flag. Only reception or housekeeping would be appropriate.

This post is ridiculous. Unbelievably ridiculous.

I think some men don't fully appreciate what is intimidating to women because they don't have to worry themselves or have their guard up in the the same way. I can't imagine this man has ever worried by an unexpected knock on his door and that's the issue. He should have better training though. Glad all ok.

Given the context I think he was just checking in and making sure everything was okay. Depending on the country this might be habitual as well.

I can see where you’re coming from, though. When I was little, I was staying with my mother in a hotel we stayed at fairly regularly and during the night we saw someone (presumably the receptionist as he didn’t pick up our frantic calls) trying to get in. I don’t know if he thought we were asleep as I had the TV almost mute or what, but it gave us the scare of our lives. We checked out that same night.

I clicked YANBU by accident. It sounds as if he was just being helpful. Perhaps he was passing on that floor?

Can’t imagine being so shaken up and first thing I think of is to write a long post on MN! Genuinely! I would either call reception or tell someone instead of a bunch of randoms who can’t help?
also what do you think he was hoping to do in your room knowing your child was there in with you?

I think his concern might have been with the rowdy men if he knew which floor they were on.

@Goditsmemargaret same here - I just bought a copy of the book for my 20 year old DD who was talked into accepting something she wasn’t happy with recently….

far better to be thought rude than the alternative.

You are unbelievably ridiculous if (assuming you've been through puberty) you haven't got a radar for a letchy man, especially an inebriated one. There were two within the group. One had approached me alone earlier babbling shit and making grotesque noises, the moment he walked in the front door. I'd moved away from him fast and he vanished off towards the bedrooms.

He was back into the bar a little while later with his crowd, they all sat down and seemed in high spirits. He was on the side of the table that was all men, the other side had three couples. Himself and one other pig kept watching me and talking in my direction.

We left and they were still looking at me talking, then he yelled some stuff up the stairs towards me finished with 'please' and they laughed. I was concentrating on getting my daughter to bed without her noticing that I was slightly rattled.

There is nothing paranoid about it. Its called general cop on.

Yeah, because he really thought he was going to get lucky with a puking six year old in a hotel room.

Call reception and say what? This is AIBU, I was asking if this sounds normal. Pretty much everyone has said yes, it sounds fine, don't worry but keep the door locked.

Travelling alone with a young child is scary op, especially when something goes wrong and it’s all on you to fix it.
it sounds as if it’s been a crap evening.
in all probability the bar man felt that you had made friends, was concerned that you were having issues and came to see if he could help…probably!
but trust your instincts, make sure the door is secure tonight so you will sleep better.

He might have thought that you wouldn’t want to leave your daughter. He sounds genuinely concerned.

Yes probably! As I was paying I'd said "they are going to keep you busy" and he replied something slightly negative about them and was clearly wary.

I've stayed in hundreds of hotels and it's more usual that staff don't call out who they when they knock on your door. I don't actually recall it happening for years - when I read in books about hearing a bright call of "Room service!" it seems rather anachronistic. I assume that's because if staff went around calling out every time they knocked on a guest's door that'd be very disturbing to other guests.

So I don't think "staying silent" (or anything else about this situation) is indicative of anything dodgy at all.

He probably came to the door rather than telephoning a) because it was less likely to wake your daughter, and b) to check the drunkards had gone back to their rooms rather than loitering in the corridor rowdily. Suspect you might also be being a bit paranoid about the unpleasant remarks too.

So you don't actually know what they said?

It seems the moral of the story is don’t bother being kind and helpful to other people as you’ll just get accused of allsorts.

he didn’t even know your daughter was sick though right? It happened when you got back to your room, and you called reception, not the bar. Is it a small hotel? Without that info he was just randomly seeing if you wanted anything and had memorised your hotel room? That would all freak me out too. Travelling alone and with a young child you’ll be on high alert. I think you’ll be safe tonight but would chain and put suitcase up at door to keep anyone out/make a noise to wake you up if stumble in.

I'm sorry but are you seriously telling me you need to hear English words to know when a man is being sleazy towards you?

Oh come on, they were those horrible foreign types so they speak the international language of sleaze.

No he did know. I'm confident now he was being helpful and I was anxious.

I'm still keeping the door blocked but I had been doing that anyway.

I'm glad you're feeling a bit reassured and I hope your little girl isn't sick again!

Neither do I, I was explaining something to another poster.