Hotel barman came to hotel room door

[Goditsmemargaret]

I'm a bit shaken up.

I'm on a city break with my DD 6. It's a European city, just the two of us. It's been a few days of activities, then we arrive back to the hotel and eat there in the quiet hotel bar.

There is a very friendly barman. He can't do enough for us. We've been chatting for around an hour in the evening. My DD chats but is mainly unwinding with her colouring. I've had one glass of wine every evening and then gone to bed early. He's been a bit flirty, nothing outrageous but I'm slightly wary given I'm a woman travelling alone with my daughter.

There was a group of loud men hanging around, some but not all had their wives with them. They didn't speak English but it was obvious one was making unpleasant remarks at me and they all laughed.

Tonight as usual we went up to bed before 8pm. She then proceeded to get sick all over the bathroom. I put her back to bed and cleaned it up using all the towels. I then phoned reception to apologise for leaving the towels outside the door on the corridor and asked for clean ones. They were having trouble hearing me so I emailed too (relevant as I emailed the info email).

Reception then appeared with fresh towels. I explained about the dirfy towels and we agreed I should take them back inside and leave them on the balcony. All was dealt with.

I heard some of the loud bar people come up and was cussing silently that they were on my floor.

Then another knock on the door and nothing else. I walked over and said hello. It was the barman. I asked him what he wanted. He asked could he help. I said no, she's asleep, goodnight. He then said if we need anything to come down. I said goodnight.

I don't know if I'm overreacting but I'm shaking now. I can't see any reason why he wouldn't just phone the room. I don't like the fact he came and knocked without saying who he was. I could have opened the door and then being manipulated into a conversation on an empty corridor.

Am I being paranoid? It felt very off.

Oh don’t go!

I’m shocked at how many are saying he’s just being concerned & looking out for you!! Even if he just fancies OP he’s crossing a major professional boundary turning up at her door & without warning. I’d feel v uncomfortable too OP. He cld’ve telephoned or asked housekeeping/reception to check you were ok needed anything. I’m sure you’ll be fine & are safe enough though. Even if he thinks he’s being gallant I don’t like the assumption from him that he thinks it’s ok. It’s suggesting that he think OP may invite him in for a bit more. And that’s not cool.

So if a man shows concern that is an issue, if something happened the issue would be 'can't he see there is woman on her own! How could he not see she needs help men need to step up, you need to have his job, report him!!!'
Whatever he did would be wrong

Maybe the hotel aim to give personal service rather than just call?

I’ve seen hotel training documents from time to time. Many of them encourage employees to learn names, personal details, likes/dislikes etc and go out of their way to be helpful. Totally seems in line with that.

Also- you’re in another country. I don’t know where but norms around phone vs in person are different country to country.

Hi,

The night passed peacefully. Thanks everyone for reassuring me.

On an aside I'll be ordering one of those alarmed wedges.

There’s nothing wrong with seeking assurance but you do seem over anxious. I think it’s odd that you assumed the drunk men were talking and laughing about you. You called and sent an email about your child being ill and needing help. So it’s perfectly understandable that you had a response to the call and the email. Anyway.. you feel the way you feel. None of what happened would have bothered me but I’m not you. Safe journey home.

🙄

What if the housekeeper or reception manager were a man? Would that be sinister, too?

I was in London last week and sent out some laundry. The night reception manager brought it up to the room about 9pm. Should I have been paranoid he was after my body?

This.

I’ve stayed in hundreds of hotels. Staff don’t shout out there identity when they come to guests’ doors; that would be noisy and disruptive.

I think the Liam Payne situation situation may have made some hotel staff more anxious about misadventure of drunk guests and where their responsibility begins and ends.

I think you were probably right in thinking he was trying something on. He’s been flirting with you all week, you haven’t shut it down and gone back night after night. He knew it was your last night, found an excuse and came up to see if he could seal the deal. You shut it down, so no harm done.

Leaving sick covered towels in the hallway is boke. Even if you wanted the staff to clear them away you should’ve kept them inside until they were ready to collect. It’s not fair on the other people using the hotel.

Glad you had a peaceful night. Safe journey home!

To clear up a few things -

The receptionist WAS a man. This didn't bother me which is why I did not mention it. I'd contacted them for help and expected it to arrive. Nothing weird about that.

I'd phoned to see if they could remove the towels so they weren't left in the corridor. I was waiting inside the door for footsteps. I had rinsed the dirty towels and put them inside a clean one. The room was tiny and hot. I didn't want it to stink of vomit. The receptionist said the laundry room wasn't open but one of the rooms on my corridor was booked for later. After a little discussion I took them inside and put them on the balcony instead.

People saying I seem paranoid because I thought the (very) drunk men were laughing at me in the bar must have very poor instincts about potential trouble. They were leering at me, one had approached me earlier. They were then speaking about me (yes I know this for a fact) not in English - which is how they spoke (fairly rudely) to the barman - but in Danish then laughing. It was unpleasant, not terrifying, but enough to know I shouldn't be hanging around.

As for the poster saying I hadn't shut down the flirting. I'm a married woman travelling with my daughter, having a meal in a quiet bar chatting to the barman. I didn't realise I was living in The Handmaid's Tale. I wasn't flirting with him. I'm not sure if had actually taken a shine to me or he was just very charming. Everyone greeted him like a friend when they returned from a day out. It's still fine to be a little wary.

I don't think it's weird for me to have gotten a fright when there was an additional knock on the door, for me not to have opened it, further secured it and looked for some independent opinions on whether this seemed off.

Read my posts. Did I say anything about the (yes male) receptionist who dropped the towels up?

He's been a bit flirty, nothing outrageous.

your opening post said he was being flirty. I wasn’t saying it’s wrong, or you should live like in the “handmaids tale”. But if a man is being flirty and that is received positively with you going back and chatting again and again, he wouldn’t be unreasonable to see if there was further interest. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I said "He's been a bit flirty, nothing outrageous but I'm slightly wary given I'm a woman travelling alone with my daughter."

I think we have different interpretations of flirty; he was friendly, funny and flattering. He wasn't telling me I was a very attractive woman and asking for my number.

@Goditsmemargaret what's your husband got to say about all this?

Maybe he is creepy and maybe he is a nice man who wanted to help, its always good to be cautious but it sounds like you are both safe anyway.
I do think that you were maybe on high alert already due to the male groups behaviour and your DD being poorly but we have instincts for a reason
I hope your DD recovers well and you can enjoy the rest of the holiday

"I'm sure it's fine, keep the door locked. I hope you get a decent night sleep. See you soon, love you."

I think he probably got misguided signals? Found you attractive? Etc it is uncalled for but I’m sure plenty of hotel staff both female and male have a reputation for being forward with guests. He could have also been fishing for tips? It’s how the hospitality industry is in many places. Keep your guard up and report to his senior if he tries again with any inappropriate advances.

I can see you would feel a bit uncomfortable but honestly I'm sure he was just being nice, he may well have a taken a shine to you but if he was respectful and accepted you saying all is ok and he left then I would not over think it.
It's always daunting travelling alone with a child so natural to feel a bit on edge, especially with the toilet other guests and your DD being poorly.

Don't be ridiculous you know that’s not the point the OP is making. The Night Reception Manager came & knocked on your door. Not the Chef, or the Barman? If one of those turned up & knocked without stating who they were would that not throw you a little? Esp if you’d been talking at length to one of them in the bar?? And ok maybe they were short staffed, maybe he doubles up on nights god only knows, but there are codes of conduct that are used profrssionally to ensure guests’ comfort & safety. I wld’nt like it if the barman who (may have been flirting with me) turned up at my door at night to answer my laundry query. If they at least knocked & adopted the professional formality to say who they were & why they were knocking then ok yes it would be more reassuring. But he according to OP did neither. Of course he cld also be a serial predatory rapist & use glib professional formalities to manipulate & charm his way into our confidence. Who would say flirting was consensual & you invited him into your home. We’ll never know. That’s the problem with being a woman isn’t it? 🙄

Room not home

Thank you and also - the receptionist was a man and I was happy to see him at my door as I was expecting him. It was the unexpected follow-up which threw me.

Anyway I got lots of support on this thread which I needed as I was lying awake feeling panicked. It was reassuring to hear that I was almost definitely worrying about nothing but that my reaction was normal and still better safe than sorry.

I'm still a bit agog at the very few posters who were so quick to point the finger about paranoia. What's wrong with being on the alert for danger as a woman not just traveling alone but with a child to look after her. Isn't paranoia or at least caution then warranted?

@Goditsmemargaret absolutely. If you’d opened your door & god forbid something awful did happen you’d be blamed for not taking enough precautions with someone who has clearly been flirting with you earlier.,AKA victim blaming. Can’t win. Glad you’re ok though & DD hopefully a bit better!

It’s totally inappropriate and I would be shaken up to