Hotel barman came to hotel room door

[Goditsmemargaret]

I'm a bit shaken up.

I'm on a city break with my DD 6. It's a European city, just the two of us. It's been a few days of activities, then we arrive back to the hotel and eat there in the quiet hotel bar.

There is a very friendly barman. He can't do enough for us. We've been chatting for around an hour in the evening. My DD chats but is mainly unwinding with her colouring. I've had one glass of wine every evening and then gone to bed early. He's been a bit flirty, nothing outrageous but I'm slightly wary given I'm a woman travelling alone with my daughter.

There was a group of loud men hanging around, some but not all had their wives with them. They didn't speak English but it was obvious one was making unpleasant remarks at me and they all laughed.

Tonight as usual we went up to bed before 8pm. She then proceeded to get sick all over the bathroom. I put her back to bed and cleaned it up using all the towels. I then phoned reception to apologise for leaving the towels outside the door on the corridor and asked for clean ones. They were having trouble hearing me so I emailed too (relevant as I emailed the info email).

Reception then appeared with fresh towels. I explained about the dirfy towels and we agreed I should take them back inside and leave them on the balcony. All was dealt with.

I heard some of the loud bar people come up and was cussing silently that they were on my floor.

Then another knock on the door and nothing else. I walked over and said hello. It was the barman. I asked him what he wanted. He asked could he help. I said no, she's asleep, goodnight. He then said if we need anything to come down. I said goodnight.

I don't know if I'm overreacting but I'm shaking now. I can't see any reason why he wouldn't just phone the room. I don't like the fact he came and knocked without saying who he was. I could have opened the door and then being manipulated into a conversation on an empty corridor.

Am I being paranoid? It felt very off.

I don't think I would think anything of this if it were me.

Hope your daughter is feeling better by the morning.

I agree, I think he was probably being a nice guy and as you were on your own wanted to help

So paranoid.

How do you know one of the guests in the bar was openly making unpleasant remarks at you and child (and everyone including the wives laughing?). I think you see threats where there are none.

Abd it's obvious why there could be a knock on the door. You phoned and emailed reception to tell them your daughter had puked all over the bathroom floor. Obviously there was going to be interaction.

Yes, these foreign types - or do you think that everyone is behaving like a wonderfully repressed anally-retentive British public school gentleman of the 1930s?

We don't know whether he was going above and beyond the normal brief for his job, but let's assume the best of motives BUT STILL PRIORITISE YOUR SAFETY. Make sure you have the door securely locked and put a chair underneath the knob/handle if you can.

I suspect you've been spooked by those other men and it's a cumulative effect of the staff member and those men making you nervous.

Listen to your gut.

If he knew the drunk blokes who were intimidating you (you may not have understood what they were saying but I'd lay down money that he did) are on your floor, your kid is throwing up and you'd asked reception for help, I really think it's coming from a place of genuine concern and kindness. May have thought the presence of a male member of staff would dissuade any thoughts of them playing silly buggers if they were hanging around.

I've sent male coworkers to check on lone female clients if I know there's a rowdy group in the vicinity showing interest. Remarkable how quickly they simmer the fuck down when a guy built like a brick shithouse is asking if there is a problem.

Hotels will often send a member of staff up to check you’re OK if they know someone’s unwell. I was ill on holiday in a small hotel in the South of France and the next day DP was out and I was in the room and one of the staff knocked to ask if I was feeling better and did I need anything like bottled water or some herbal tea or extra loo roll!

Sounds like he’s built up rapport with you, has heard the issue or seen your email and come to check if you are ok because he works there, and also you are a loan parent travelling with a kid. Sounds like a normal human thing to do! It doesn’t hurt to leave stuff pushed against the door if you still feel anxious, but I think this sounds innocent. Fingers crossed your DD isn’t sick again 🤞

What the hell is this racist bollocks? ‘These foreign types’? Christ.

You are ridiculous. He was quite obviously making remarks at me. Leery men speak a universal language.

You said he didn't say who he was. But he wasn't going to bellow "it's me, Alfredo" while knocking at the door! I'm very confused but I think you're exhausted and stressed and hope your daughter feels better.

She explained what she meant, reception knocked on the door and said ‘it’s reception’ he knocked on the door and stayed silent and it unnerved her.

I think/ hope it is probably absolutely fine but I would be feeling unsettled by it too.

Well the initial knock was accompanied by "reception" We had a conversation then the person left.

Then I heard loud men passing outside in the main corridor.

Brief silence.

Then a knock with no words.

I said "who's there?" He answered and we talked through the door. I kept the chair against it.

Word probably went around among the staff that the woman with the child had called down about some sickness. If you weren't being understood by the person on the other end of the phone, they probably asked the bar worker, who had successfully communicated with you, to go up and check. It doesn't sound sinister to me.

The Gift of Fear is a great book, OP, and highlights how women in particular overlook their instincts about danger because we are socially conditioned to be polite.

whether or not there was any danger here, you felt uneasy, it shook you up and you didn’t allow your judgement to be overridden.

thats good. Much better to have ‘overeacted’ and cause minor offence than risk the alternative.

I think you're probably right

Ah sorry, I understand now!

I wouldn't have said anything had I knocked, in case I disturbed your little one..as a barman I suspect he isn't used to doing that but for a receptionist they'd be doing it a lot.

I fully agree. I've said for years I'm going to raise my daughter with attitude that you're better to be rude and wrong than find yourself in a dangerous spot.

Don’t be a dick.

Your posts scream paranoia. Even the wives were laughing?! And they decided to pick on you whilst your 8 year old daughter was there? Sorry but it's farfetched.

You couldn't understand what he was saying, saw people laughing and assumed you were being targeted. Way overly paranoid.

You then assumed the kind hotel worker was out to get you even though you contacted reception twice because there was vomit everywhere and requested towels. So he very nicely called to see if everything was ok.

This is OTT. You shouldn't be travelling if you're that afraid.

Ah the children have come out to play I see ..

She’s a lone female with an unwell child in a foreign country. What is wrong with you?

I guess she could have worded it better but she's not all wrong.
In Egypt for example, male hotel workers, barmen etc regularly approach female guests for sex/money/romance scams
It's big business.
Not saying this is the case here.
But in certain countries this would be the most likely scenario. I know I lived there.

Nope. People who live in reality have come out to play.